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  • Help quitting Herion.. Been using for 8 ys with Brother



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    Old 08-21-2008, 11:14 PM   #1
    GTrigga
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    Help quitting Herion.. Been using for 8 ys with my Brother

    Hey,

    I will make this story short.

    I'm 26 years old and I've been on herion for approx 8 years, since 2000 with my brother. We both use it via smoking on a foil. We smoke approx 7 grams a week between the both of us. We both have steady jobs, but we spend all of our money on the demon drugs. Its has gotten soo bad right now.. Its like my life revolves around using. I hate to say this but, at this point I feel like herion is my #1 priority in my life. I dont know if I can honestly say if I will choose Loved ones over herion.. I know its such a bad thing to say but it has gotten out of control.

    I have tried a few methods of quitting. I've been on methodone for the past 5 years from 80 to 40 mgs, and I also been going to counselling for the past year.

    I know what road herion will lead me down, but I can't seem to over look the fact that herion is killing me. I can see all the horrible things that its doing to me, but its not enough to motivate me to stop.
    People say that I have to reach rock bottom before I can really turn around and quit. I dont want to wait until i reach rock bottom to quit. Rock bottom for me is dying.

    Its hard for me to cut down or stop using for a few days or 1 week becasue during the period that I was addicted I had herion everyday. It was always avialable to me.

    Now when i stop for 1-2 days I go crazy with the mental cravings. I don't get sick from herion withdraw since i'm on methdone, but I can't get over the mental cravings and temptations. I tried keeping myself busy, but it doesn't work for me. I will always want to use by the end of the day to reward myself for going on the day without using.

    I'm currently at the stage right now that I dont' know what to do. I dont'
    want to go on like this anymore. My brother and I both want to quit. We put our lives on hold for nearly 10 years now. When i see all of my old friends sucedding in life and accomplishing so much within these years I get really mad at myself for being a failure.

    Having my brother that uses wit my is a really bad thing, or it can be a good thing if we both motivate ourselves to quit. But when times are getting hard with the withdraws we both manuplite each other to go pickup and use. Having a brother that is on the same drug as you can even be harder to quit than if you were on the drug urself. Now there is 2 mental cravings to control and 2 different withdraws to control at once.

    I NEED SOME GUIDANCE. I'M REALLY LOST RIGHT NOW.. I WANT TO QUIT, BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO CONVINCE MYSELF TO DO SO.

    Last edited by GTrigga; 08-21-2008 at 11:19 PM.

     
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    Old 08-22-2008, 06:52 AM   #2
    Phoenix
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    Re: Help quitting Herion.. Been using for 8 ys with my Brother

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GTrigga View Post
    People say that I have to reach rock bottom before I can really turn around and quit. I dont want to wait until i reach rock bottom to quit. Rock bottom for me is dying.
    Hello G,

    No one really knows what their bottom is but if the concept of death alone doesn't steer you towards recovery, then you have to take a close look at your circumstances.

    One of the most difficult things a person can do is "look at themselves in the mirror."

    Saying that, are you prepared to do what is necessary to recover from your addiction; even if it makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable?

    If you want something you never had before, you have to be prepared to do something you've never done before.
    -----------------------------------------------------
    Attempting to save both yourself and your brother is not advisable, for you will need as much focus as you can muster, to help attain your goal.

    Respectfully,

    Phoenix
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    Old 08-22-2008, 07:10 AM   #3
    Rio2007
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    Re: Help quitting Herion.. Been using for 8 ys with Brother

    Call NA, the number is in all phone books
    __________________
    Frankie

     
    Old 08-22-2008, 10:32 AM   #4
    Yossarian22
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    Re: Help quitting Herion.. Been using for 8 ys with Brother

    Hey mate,

    Its a tough journey, and there will be cravings and mental torment etc etc. It just depends on wether you want it badly enough to 'ride out' these cravings. I understand what you are saying about your brother totally. I used for most of my life with my best mate (he's like a brother - born on the same day, same hospital etc). We used to motivate each other and tell each other how good life was going to be when we quit. But when one of you starts to weaken, thats when the mind games start. We'd convince each other to score, using lame excuses. I only managed to give up once we were at opposite ends of the country. I am currently 10 months clean from methadone, 18 months clean from Heroin (not including 2 minor slips last year.) My best friend is still using. The sad fact is that you are going to have to go it alone if you really want to make it work. Its a tough choice & its tough love - but you have to be able to only think about yourself for a while - thats what counts. You need to speak to a Dr about finding you a level of methadone that you are comfortable with - i would think that the ammount you are on isnt anywhere near as high as it should be in comparison to your heroin intake. You need to find your level. Give your head time to adjust to this and get your body on an even keel. Once you are comfortable then its time for the ;reduction ride' - discuss your taper with your Doc and go for it - you dont have to do it rapidly, take it easy and dont try and come down too much too soon. You also have to start looking for things to fill the void in your life where heroin once was- as you know, taking heroin is like having another job, it takes a lot of time & planning etc - once its gone then this will all be 'free time'. Try not to keep it free though, as the devil will find work for idle hands to do - if you excuse my phrasing. i took up mountainbiking & aikido, the endorphins released during/after exercise are a great/natural high (and they are free too )
    Another important factor is having the right 'team' behind you. i had a counsellor, a key worker etc - people i could speak to if i needed to. I didnt do NA, but it works great for lots of people. Horses for courses.
    The rehabilitation process is a lot different here in the UK, but the thing we both have in common is/was 'i've had enough - im worth more & deserve more in my life'. I wont give you any BS - it is difficult. But it IS possible. I tried for a long time before going ot on my own & cracking it. IT IS WORTH IT. You've made the 1st step. How you take it from here is up to you. I hope you find the strength & that your Bro does too.

    keep us posted as to how you're doing - and keep on keeping on.

    all the best
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    yoss

    "All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."

     
    Old 08-22-2008, 09:40 PM   #5
    emsmom
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    Re: Help quitting Herion.. Been using for 8 ys with Brother

    GTrigga,

    Hello, welcome to the board. First of all, I have to give kudos to Yossarian - I am impressed by his reply to you - I couldn't have said it better myself. Those are some great words of encouragement. I hope you let his reply sink in...read it a few times if you have to...his advice is fansastic!

    I'm from Toronto as well, and I know how easy it is to "get what you need" and as long as you have the cash, you're good to go. Its sad, but true. The only thing I'd like to add to Yossarian's reply is "lose the numbers." Dealers, friends etc. The first thing you have to do is lose those resources.

    On the same note, there is so much help available here in T.O. Get out to a meeting or look into seeing an addiction counsellor. Its probably going to be the easiest thing regarding your recovery. There's so much info, you just have to start the process.

    Regarding your brother, I agree with Yoss - worry about you! If you rely on your brother, you may end up jeopardizing your recovery. Its best to focus on only you.

    Its not going to be easy (if it was, it wouldn't be called addiction) but it IS possible. So many of us (addicts) assume its not possible, but its your life and you deserve to live happily. You are worth it.

    I hope everything works out for you - keep posting, there are some really wonderful people on this board, so helpful, so encouraging, and we can all relate - Good luck GTrigga...

    Sincerely,
    emsmom

     
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