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I feel like I'm mourning a lover




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Old 12-13-2008, 03:36 AM   #1
digmusic
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I feel like I'm mourning a lover

I am on day 7 and now the emotions are going wild. I've cried more than I've cried in a year. I am listening to the jeff buckley song "lover you should've come over" over and over and the lyrics:

my body turns and yearns for a sleep that won't ever come

it's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
it's never over, all my riches for her smile when i slept so soft against her
it's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
it's never over, she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

well maybe i'm just too young
to keep good love from going wrong

oh lover you should've come over

well i feel too young to hold on
and i'm much too old to break free and run
too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage i've done
sweet lover, you should've come over


That honestly is how I feel about an inanimate object...I miss it so much despite the hell I'm going through right now, just like any break up with someone you were in love with. I've only been in love once but heroin's a close second... so sad so sad. I miss it so much I can't live with it and I don't know if I can live without it. I know I'm not thinking straight right now because my brain chemistry is so effed up, but I just don't know if I can do this. Life is so beautiful I just don't see it anymore. I feel like heroin has stolen my passion for everything I used to love, like music, singing, guitar, nature, PEOPLE. I don't know real love anymore.

 
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Old 12-13-2008, 04:23 AM   #2
Phoenix
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Re: I feel like I'm mourning a lover

Quote:
Originally Posted by digmusic View Post
I am on day 7 and now the emotions are going wild. I've cried more than I've cried in a year.That honestly is how I feel about an inanimate object...I miss it so much despite the hell I'm going through right now, just like any break up with someone you were in love with. I've only been in love once but heroin's a close second... so sad so sad. I miss it so much I can't live with it and I don't know if I can live without it. I know I'm not thinking straight right now because my brain chemistry is so effed up, but I just don't know if I can do this. Life is so beautiful I just don't see it anymore. I feel like heroin has stolen my passion for everything I used to love, like music, singing, guitar, nature, PEOPLE. I don't know real love anymore.
Hello digmusic:

While using the illegal substance of choice, prioities become shifted[over time].

What you miss is the "hiding" attribute of this substance.

You can live without a substance that is not medically necessary.

Are you not tired of being called all the stereotypical names that are associated with using?

You allowed drugs to be your "sidekick" and at times viewed them as a solo actor which you had admired................................. ...............

Drugs are simply inanimate substances that can eventually lead to incarceration,institutionalization or death.

In time, you will begin to view it as an enemy.
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Last edited by Phoenix; 12-13-2008 at 01:23 PM.

 
Old 12-13-2008, 04:29 AM   #3
doingfine
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Re: I feel like I'm mourning a lover

Trust me Dig, your post says it all...it's an innate object. You're having an affair with herion; mine was meth. I got HIV! I got Hep-C! And I swore 'she' loved me, she was manageable. She was my partner.

I cried for days when I knew it had to end. I heard her calling; I couldn't call back. I was lonely. I shook. I cried more. I lost sleep. Then I'm sure she realized, I had reached the breakup point of no return. She called less. I shook less. I cried less. And I rested!

It will come...PLEASE, PLEASE hang in there.

My thoughts are with you,
doingfine

Last edited by doingfine; 12-13-2008 at 04:30 AM.

 
Old 12-13-2008, 08:22 AM   #4
granny0
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Re: I feel like I'm mourning a lover

Hey digmusic,

I know just how you feel. You do mourn your DOC when you quit. Most people become depressed, but you do get over it. Go back and read some of your first posts on here when you were still doing H. and ask yourself if you want to be that person again.

Best wishes,

JB

 
Old 12-15-2008, 08:41 AM   #5
Secrets1983
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Re: I feel like I'm mourning a lover

Dig,
I completely understand. I still am mourning mine.... as weird as that is for me to admit... It's a struggle but it does get better!! That I promise you.. The first few weeks were HELL but now... I AM IN CONTROL. Not the drug.. I AM. You can be too... Hang in there.. It WILL get better if you give it time. YOU ARE WORTH THIS !!! Do not give in to the urge to use... You do not want to go down that path again. You have come so far.. believe in yourself.

Keep posting.. Talk thru it.. We are here for you!!! Sorry.. I wish I could have responded sooner but I don't have a computer at home so over the weekend I am not on here... Hang in there! you are in my thoughts!!!
~Secrets

 
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