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Tacot???




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Old 01-14-2009, 09:08 AM   #1
Secrets1983
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Tacot???

Hey Lady,

Have not seen you post in a while and am just wondering how you are doing?? I think of you often and hope you are doing great!

Just checking in,
~Secrets

 
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Old 01-14-2009, 11:33 AM   #2
TaCot
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Re: Tacot???

Secrets, I am doing well. It will be two weeks, tomorrow, since my last pill and I am very excited about that. I am just tired and a little cranky. I see what everyone means by emotional addiction. I miss my pills in the afternoon to give me energy. I don't want to take pills, I just miss them. Does that make sense? I do check in to the boards every day and just read. I just don't feel like being talkative. I am sure this will pass, and as long as I keep myself busy, I don't think about it that often. It is still better than carrying that pill bottle around, right? I will be fine, I am just a little blue. Thanks for checking up on me. I hope you are doing well. hugs, TaCot

 
Old 01-14-2009, 03:54 PM   #3
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Re: Tacot???

Hey Sweetie,

Yes, this is normal!! I went thru that phase too!! I swear it's like clock work.... (for a lot of people on here I have read about) Once the w/d's go away and that huge wave of excitement goes away because the pain fades, and then... reality kicks in that we are emotionally addicted and it causes big time depression.. At least for me that is how it went... I swear I went thru that same thing so know... THIS TOO SHALL PASS! I promise.

You have done so well and it's okay to be cranky and tired! You have just fought the toughest battle of your life! You should be tired!

Two weeks tomorrow!!! WOOHOOOO.. If you could see me I am clapping and smiling and looking like a BIG DORK at my desk and my co workers are looking at me like I have LOST IT!! hahaaha I am SOOOO PROUD OF YOU.

Emotionally... it will still be a battle but it's one that I will fight with you! I am going thru the same thing and sometimes I get so upset and really miss my pills too even though I don't want to take them... It makes complete sense... Remember me saying a while back that 3pm was a hard time for me.. I used to ALWAYS get an oxycontin then.. Then at 5:30 2 percocets.... The clock was my enemy for a long time but now.. I don't notice it as much.. At times, like today... I miss them big time because they made me have so much energy and cheered me up... but it was a quick fix and didn't solve anything... I just keep telling myself that when I sit here and crave the pills that I AM STRONGER THAN THEY ARE.

Just know.. I am here for you friend and I always will be.. I kind of had a feeling you maybe were having a hard time since we didn't hear too much from you. Post away or have a little space but don't lose hope and know we are here for you!

I hope your night gets brighter.. You will be on my mind and in my heart! I will pray for your strength and for you to have peace in your heart!
Warm hugs to you from a VERY cold girl in Minnesota! (It's -8 right now)
~Secrets

 
Old 01-14-2009, 04:07 PM   #4
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Re: Tacot???

Secrets, thank you as usual. I don't know what I would do without you. It feels good to talk to someone who has already been through what I am going through now. I am so grateful for you, and I hope you always know that. I am so proud of you too. Way to go, being off of the pills for over two months. That is fantastic!!!

You must have that cold weather we had last week. It isn't bad here at all today. In the 40's. Hope you get warm!!! Again, thank you so much, sweetie!!! TaCot

 
Old 01-14-2009, 04:17 PM   #5
Secrets1983
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Re: Tacot???

Oh TaCot,

You don't have to thank me! I really know what you are going thru and I want to help in any way possible because I KNOW how hard this is.. I don't want you to feel alone.

I think when I was around day 10-20 pill free I almost felt like I would get so upset I felt like i was having a silent temper tantrum.. I know that probably sounds stupid but I did.... I was so angry.. I craved and then chewed myself out... With time... It has gotten easier but I am far from home free..

Just think.. We both had these addictions for a long time.. For me.. I think it was almost a couple years.. For you.. I think you said... 3-5 years.. I can't exactly remember but it's going to take time for us to heal and break that habit. For me so much of it was habit with the certain times of day... It is getting better but it's still hard and I know you will make it thru this.

You have found the woman you have hid inside you for a long time and not only have you found her but your husband has too! Cling on to that and you won't fail! The energy thing.. It does get better.. I have WAY more energy now than I did when I was only a couple weeks clean!

I am always here for you my dear friend! We will get thru this together!
XOXOXOXOX
~Secrets

 
Old 01-14-2009, 04:49 PM   #6
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Re: Tacot???

My temper is shorter than usual right now too. I feel sort of depressed, but I know this will pass. I guess I am mourning my addiction!!! Well, depression is better than being addicted to pills, right? I just keep telling myself that. I go in to see my PCP next week, and she will be pleased that I am off of the pills. The one thing that keeps me going is that if I were take even one half of a pill, I would have to go through the w/d's again. NOTHING is worth that!! I will try and post more often. Love ya friend!! TaCot

 
Old 01-15-2009, 08:49 AM   #7
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Re: Tacot???

Yeah, it;s weird but I totally understand what you mean when you say you are mourning the pills... I went thru the same thing and still at times feel that way even though it's gotten a lot better! I remember being so moody and just ticked off at the world because I couldn't have what I wanted... I mean I could have... I just chose not to.

You have a great perspective on this and I know you will get thru this phase.. Just takes a lot of strength and for me.. lots of distraction at times.. Yesterday at work I swear I did more work in one day than I usually could have completed in a week! I don't know how I did it... I didn't even stop to eat until 2 when my co worker pointed out I had not eaten yet! So distraction therapy worked for me yesterday. Today I feel calmer. Might have something to do with the fact that I have tomorrow off of work! hahaha

We are taking my Grandpa to the casino... I know it sounds funny but he has not been out of the house in a really long time (he has had several strokes) and he really would like to go gamble some of his hard earned money away!! hahaha So My Mom, husband and myself are going to take him because he needs constant care when out and about so he doesn't tip over or something like that. I mean he's mobile but he's kind of tippy at times.. My husband will have his hands full with bathroom trips and what not.. Poor guy! hahaha I am really excited to see my Mom though! She lives about an hour away from me so I usually only see her once a month or so but we talk everyday on the phone for a few minutes. One day... I will tell her about my addiction and I will tell my husband but I am still not ready! Right now I feel strong enough to deal with this on my own and with you guys.. If the time comes where I feel I might do something REALLY stupid a.k.a. take pills then I will have to blab everything!!!! Anyways.. So I won't be around tomorrow and now you know why. I will be watching people spend money since I have none to spend at the moment I will be a cheerleader for the other gamblers and pray my Mom hits it big!! hahhaha


Wow.. I am now rambling! Gosh.. I am terrible at that... I got to fifteen million topics! I am sorry! I am probably going to get in trouble for going off topic.. Sorry mod-anon!

Anyways.. I hope this morning you woke up feeling a lot brighter and very proud of yourself! Grab a cup of coffee to get a little energy back in you and have a great day!
~Secrets a.k.a. Blabber mouth!

 
Old 01-15-2009, 09:01 AM   #8
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Re: Tacot???

Secrets, you are too funny. I do feel better today, just not right. I know this will pass and I just need to suck it up. So, it sounds like both of our husbands are still out of work. I know what a strain that can put on things.

I drive to work 30 minutes one-way each day and I have noticed that when I get home at night this week, I am in a foul mood. I hate traffic, but it seems like it is really bothering me now. When I got home last night, my husband knew right away that I was in a bad mood. I told him about my not feeling right and feeling like I had lost a friend with those stupid *&(*&() pills. He said he had no idea how hard this was going to be on me. He was very understanding and told me to talk to him as different emotions hit me. I do have one special guy!!! He hurt his back over Christmas and had to go to the doctor. His doctor prescribed him Vicodin and a muscle relaxer. He told me that he would hide the pills if it was going to be a problem. I told him not to, because I had to face this. You know, I did not once think about taking one of his pills. I am committed to this and don't want to mess it up, so because I am a Taurus (stubborn as all get out), I feel I will get through this just fine. I just never realized what an emotional roller coaster this would be. Honestly, I think this emotional stuff is harder to take than the physical withdrawals.

Have a great time tomorrow and try to win some money!! Enjoy your time with your mom too. XXOXXO TaCot

 
Old 01-15-2009, 09:43 AM   #9
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Re: Tacot???

WOW! Are you a strong cookie! I don't know if I could have done it!! Pills in the house... OMG you are stubborn and that is ONE HECK OF A VICTORY! I am so proud of you.. I seriously don't know if I could have done it.. I am sorry to hear about your husbands injury! I hope he is feeling better!

Speaking of your husband. What a guy! He sounds so wonderful and supportive! I think you picked one heck of a guy and I am sure you feel very blessed to have him.

You are correct.. My husband is still unemployed and it's starting to get ugly! The savings is gone... things are beyond tight but I know in time it will get better! Right now though the added stress is making it harder for me with the cravings because if I would be super stressed in the past... I would turn to that pill bottle and wait for it to take some of the pressure off. Which it did just temporarily of course and then I would be worse off! It's a struggle everyday but I know we can do it!

It's okay to be crabby! I had some really bad days and I know there are still plenty to come but I just try to remind myself that even people with out addictions have bad days and crabby days too and it doesn't always revolve around my addiction as to why I am upset! Sometimes you are just having a bad day and that's that.

What I do know is that this is really hard and I still have moments where I just can't believe I have gotten myself into this mess... But it is what it is and I will keep fighting.

My stupid car would not start this morning.. It is currently -22 outside.. My boss had to pick me up.. What a day!

Hope your day is a good one!
~Secrets

 
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