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Need help in a spiral

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Old 01-14-2009, 11:33 AM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Monmouth county NJ
Posts: 1
sm28616p HB User
Need help in a spiral

Well, this is my first post and kinda ackward but i have to talk. I am currently in the library of my home town. I am Kicked out of my house, withdrawing from drugs and all together feel terrible. I am 22 and currently enrolled in school. I am a Jounior in college and am almost finished I Just need some help. My parents family and friends are at a negative literally there is not one person around here to help. I am sleeping in my car and its cold where i am. I was addicted to herion on and off for close to 5 years now crazy how fast time goes. This past time i was doing a brick= 50 bags close to every 3 days for about 9 months. I pawned evrything important to me. Lost a Girlfriend this time and well 3 years ago lost a different one. I went to a suboxone doctor but i know you gotta want to quit. Well i didn't and quite honestly if i had money id be doing drugs now. i have 4 suboxone left and i have been taking 2 to 4 mgs at night just so im not that cold and the sweats aren't killing me at night. i can handle the crappy feeling when the sun is up but when it goes down i cant take it. Any advice help talk anythign just a hi will prolly suffice for me just to know some one is out there as sad as that sounds.


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Old 01-14-2009, 12:05 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 165
TaCot HB User
Re: Need help in a spiral

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Can you go to a doctor and ask for help detoxing? I am not familiar with what you are taking, but I am sure a doctor could help you taper down. You are not alone in this, as everyone on here has a similar story as yours. I tapered down from hydrocodone in a period of two months and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I had withdrawal symptoms but I was determined to be done with it. It may sound crazy, but I got angry with the drugs and I think that anger helped me in my withdrawal. I cannot imagine what you are going through right now, but everyone on these boards is VERY supportive and they have done me a world of good. Please keep us updated in your progess. Someone else here could probably help you more than I, but I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and wishing you well.

Old 01-14-2009, 03:07 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,298
Secrets1983 HB User
Re: Need help in a spiral

Oh... my heart is breaking knowing you are out there alone right now.. Where I live (minnesota) it's SUPER cold and I can't imagine having to live in the car so I am so sorry this is where you are at...

I agree with Tacot, can you go to the **. for help.. It sounds like everyone around you has "had enough" to be honest and I am sorry to hear that but maybe it will help you get help? I think that is what they are trying to do.. Give you tough love... Just know... I really think that they do love you!

I am sorry you are hurting right now! I am glad you reached out to us.. This place is a great place for support!

Is there a shelter you could go to? Keep us posted with how you are doing!! We really do care!


Old 01-15-2009, 12:01 AM   #4
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 254
DallasAli HB User
Re: Need help in a spiral


I was addicted to opiates...various pain pills, vicodin, percodan, percocet, lortab, you name it...and after two years of the craziness, I went to a local methadone clinic and it literally saved my life. Unfortunately, I stayed there too long, and I am now heading off to a rehab facility to get completely off the methadone. I suspect they will use suboxone for some period of time to get off of that, but it is my hope that after all of it is said and done, I will be for the first time in over 30 years, drug-free.

I am sorry you are in the lonely, cold situation you are, and I wish I could invite you in for a cup of coffee, but all I can do is offer support. Most of the patients at the methadone clinic I go to are there to get off heroin, and believe does work. Some say it is simply trading one drug for another, and perhaps it is, but it does something else too. It eliminates all the crazy thoughts, the drug-seeking, the lieing, the needle, the cravings, and since it blocks the feelings of euphoria, etc. that you get from opiates, you will soon find yourself not even thinking about taking heroin anymore. It does take time to get to the right dosage for you...everyone is different given their length of time on it, their tolerance level, and any other drugs you might be using. Once you find that "stable" dose though, you won't believe the difference it will make in your life.

I was spending way more money on my pain pill addiction than I am spending on methadone. I live in Colorado and the cost at my clinic is $330/mth., but they also offer a sliding scale for those on a lower income, so maybe that would help if they offer that in your area. I would do anything to get the money to buy my pills, and I almost lost my house...and I had two children to take care of, so I understand the strong pull opiates can have on a person.

If you are truly wanting to quit, perhaps you could find a clinic and just talk to them about either methadone or suboxone; both are comfortable ways to get back to some normalcy so you can use that normal time to address your addiction in other ways, i.e., building a support system, finding alternative thought processes, group meetings, counseling, etc.

I agree with the poster that said it sounds like those who love you are simply at their wit's end as to how to help you and are utilizing a type of "tough love" approach to your situation. I am sure your family and friends love you, but they just can't stand seeing you destroy yourself. I am 51 and you are in college, so you are much younger, but I wish in some way that back in those old hippie days of mine that someone in my family cared enough to do something, even if it meant me sleeping in my car, in hindsight it would have told me they at least cared...but alas, they didn't.

I don't wish homelessness on you by any means, but maybe they feel that if they help you, then they are only helping you continue to use. I don't know your family dynamics, so I surely can't say. A shelter of some kind, like the previous poster suggested, could at least give you some time to figure out what your next step will be, and it won't be done out of being cold and alone, but at least with some warmth, company, and comfort. I know that a lot of shelters utilize religion as almost a bargaining tool, and although I don't agree with that, at least it gets you out of the elements.

You are in school, but how long can you stay there if you really look at your situation? Being alone is one thing, but adding homelessness to the equasion is surely going to send you to some type of breaking point. You are absolutely right about one thing though, you can only do it when you are ready. You really do have to want it. Even being cold, hungry and alone can't force you to do something you aren't ready for.

I hope that you will soon find the desire to make a change, because believe don't want to wake up one day and find yourself in your 50's like me, wondering what in the heck happened to you and all the years inbetween. Time does fly, just like you said, but if you decide to address things the sooner, the better, I would think. But again, only you will know when you are ready.

I sincerely hope you stay safe, find some comfort and get back to the person you were before, surely you weren't always doing heroin?! Try to remember the good things you had, and see if somewhere deep within, the desire to have that kind of life sounds good to you again.

I wish you all the best,

Dallas Alice

Old 01-15-2009, 06:07 AM   #5
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: MICHIGAN
Posts: 237
Re: Need help in a spiral

sm28616p Hi, I can't even see the keys for my tears after reading your post and everyone elses posts back to you. Please listen to what everyone has to say as they have all given you "excellent" advice.
I feel so bad for you and I am sure you are wondering now how you got yourself in this situation. Well it took lots of time to get into this crisis in your life and it will take awhile to get out of it. Believe me I know from experience and mine all happened totally innocently on my part. I am a 57 year old woman suffering from chronic pain in my neck and shoulders. I have had it for at least 9 years now and had failed neck surgery by a top neurosurgeon trying to help me get relief from my pain. After having a major operation and have pins and plates and cadaveur bones in between my discs I woke up afterwards and still had the same excruiating headache and my pain was the same. After about 6 weeks the neurosurgeon says "well I guess you have fibromyalgia". Well thanks for nothing!!!! By then of course after the operation I was on Morphine in the hospital and then "percocet" afterwards and then he weaned me off and put me on vicodin which he said was not as strong. I was on vicodin for years and only took what the doctor said exactly to the minute no more and no less. I still couldn't stand the pain, I also was diagnosed with TMJ, Epstein Barr Virus, CMV Virus which is adult mono. My family doc. decided to also add oxycodone and that helped a bit more but not 100%. I still kept on taking the exact dosage that my doctor said also he by then had put me on Xanax to calm my nerves down and several antidepressants because with pain you become depressed. Over the years of trying to do everything still for my neck pain, Physical Therapy, Neuromuscular Therapy, Sacral Cranial Therapy, needles in my neck, cortisone shots, botox injections, etc. etc. I still have the same neck pain. About 10 months ago I started getting "restless legs" and my doctor started treating me with requip and it didn't work and I couldn't stand it any more. One day after researching on the web, I realized that it wasn't "restless legs" I was in full blown "withdrawl". My system needed more of the opiates and I wasn't about to do that. In the meantime my doc that had me on all of the pills, died in a car accident on the way home from work. I went to his colleague the following week and she was absolutely shocked at what My doctor had me on. She couldn't even fathom what he had given me. I decided right then that I wanted off all my meds for pain. I checked myself into a withdrawl clinic and they put me on suboxone. It is a synthetic opiate and I never did get cravings because I never got high from the drugs, I just took them for pain and they didn't even help much. I probably would have got more relief if I had taken more, but I am glad that I didn't. The moral of my story is that "suboxone" might not be the end all answer and there are some that wouldn't agree with me but it certainly would keep you grounded and calm and give you some "normalcy" in your life and you would know that you couldn't cheat and take other drugs because you would get very very ill if you tried to mix. Eventually down the road you would have to be weaned off of the "suboxone" but in your case that wouldn't be anything to worry about right now, just getting help this far with suboxone would be a savior for you.

There must be a clinic that would help you out or a shelter. I am thinking about you and know how cold it is outside. There isn't much advice to give you at this moment except there has to be someone willing to help you. Don't ever stop trying. Your life is definitely worth it. You have such a good chance in life to finish your education and keep on going and reach for the stars. "You are worth it". You can be strong and if your family sees you trying they will come forward (I am sure) and help you to be strong.

I don't know what else to say except that I am praying for you and I am going to also help myself by reading my own words. Everyone keeps on saying to me "you have to be strong and you can do it" so I am quoting you the same words as my family is quoting to me.

Take care of yourself Lyn

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