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    Old 05-11-2010, 01:25 AM   #16
    bigdawg10
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    Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    Dude, I am currently on suboxone as well and have been for almost four months. I also work a 12-step program. The life I live today is not the life of a drug addict. I am a completely different person and can now take responsibility for my own actions and recognize my wrongs and deal with my feelings. I am just a better person. I have 104 days sober now. Don't you EVER think that you are not in recovery because you are prescribed suboxone. Your not out runnin the streets to get your next fix, your not steeling, manipulating or selling all of your stuff. And you are working a program and getting your life together. Subs dont give you a "high" of any kind. Therefor you are sober. You feel your feelings and what the subs do is help your brain "re-group" and allows you to get your thinkin straight. And for the people at your meetings that are givin you crap about being on the subs, dont bother with them bro. Recovery and the 12-program is a selfish program (as in, you have to do for you what keeps you sober before you do for anyone else) Sobriety comes before your family and everything. If your not sober, then you wouldnt have your family by your side anyways. That is just an example of how it is a selfish program lol. But back to the point, The people given you crap about being on the subs need to just worry about themselves and keeping themselves sober. If they are worried about you, then they have something goinn on that is causing them too bro. I am very happy to hear you have a couple months sober and stay with it bro. Life has so much to offer. Im young in my sobriety as well, but one thing I know is, Keep it real and honest with yourself because deep down inside you know what real. Keep it up bro.

     
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    Old 05-25-2010, 07:16 PM   #17
    damanster
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    Smile Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    I agree.....if you are taking suboxone to get off of other opiates you are sober! This is my second time tapering off of suboxone and so far so good. I'm down from 12mg/day to 4mg/day. So far it has been effortless...dropping 2mg every 6-7 days. I, too, am in a 12-step program and have worked all the steps. Currently I'm on step 9....making amends and feeling SO much 'lighter' as a result. I'm VERY excited from working ALL the 12 steps. In the past I worked the first three and stayed clean from 1980-1985. I went 'back out' for a few months and then got clean again working the first 5 steps from 1985-1994. Since then I've been in and out...in and out.....ending up in many hospitals and nut-wards. People told me later that there were 4 times that they KNEW I was going to die. Did that stop me? Hell no. My house was in foreclosre for not having paid the mortgage for 11 months. My daughter, 13 years old, will not talk to me. Totally bankrupt in all departments...physically, mentally, and especially spiritually! I was 'given' a gift of total desperation and hoplesness. I surrendered totally for the first time in my life. I didn't believe in anything spiritual. The only thing I knew for sure was that if there wasn't a higher power of any kind I was *******d. My sponsor told me to simply accept that I was no longer in control of anything...that my life was unmangeable. That was VERY obvious to me. Because I was very suicidal, the epitome of misery, my shrink started me on suboxone the 2nd day of wd's. He started with 4mgs and jacked it up 4mgs every hour until I experienced relief...ending up at 12mgs. I didn't feel high from the suboxone....I felt 'high' because I was experiencing something that half way resembled normalacy`!! Wow....was I, and am, very grateful!!! I'm following the same tapering plan that I had done in 2004....going down 2mgs/week. The only place that I experienced any wd's was trying to go from 2 to 0. It was bothersome but NOTHING like full blown oxy and poppy wd's. Nonetheless I went back to 2mgs for 2 days and then down to 1. Pretty difficult to accurately do that with 8mg tabs but I tried my best. A week later I started doing tiny chips and finally went back to 0. As I remember I experienced some RLS and depression but nothing I couldn't handle. I'd force myself to exercise and force myself to go to NA and AA meetings.... all of this helping dramaticly. I felt BETTTER then 'normal' (whatever that is) 2-3 weeks later. So that is my plan this time....to go down by 2mgs/week until I hit 2mgs. At that point I will go down by 50% every week as best as I can. In my opinion suboxone has literally saved my life. It has been a miracle drug for me....giving me hope, direction, and best of all a spiritual connection. I will keep updating as I follow the previous plan. I wish the best for all of you....we CAN do this!! (with help)

     
    Old 05-25-2010, 07:21 PM   #18
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    Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    Hi KEW.....u sound an awful lot like me! How is your recovery going by now? I hope u are still around. U 2 BIGDAWG.

    Last edited by damanster; 05-25-2010 at 07:24 PM.

     
    Old 06-09-2010, 07:12 AM   #19
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    Thumbs up Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    In my opinion you can absolutely be in recovery while taking subs. I am new to the program only taking subs for 5 weeks, but after a lifelong struggle with addiction to opiates I can honestly say I feel this has been the best dicision of my life. I am 47 and I cannot believe the difference between 5 weeks ago when I was addicted to morphine and codeine and now. I still have occassional cravings which are usually triggered by something that reminds me of my drug use or I am late taking my dose. I am learning to control those but. Recovery is not just being clean its learning to be clean. Subs give you the ability and stability to deal with the reason you were addicted in the first place. I was concerned at first about getting hooked on them and having the same issues when it comes time to get off them, but compared to my life several weeks ago I am prepared to take that chance and use the time to grow. Taking drugs to deal with your issues stunts you from growing emotionally and it takes time to catch up but it can be done. Best of luck and stay strong. I wish they had computors and websites like this when I was younger

     
    Old 06-09-2010, 12:06 PM   #20
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    Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    Hi, I understand exactly how you feel. To me, the important factor is how they work for you. I've been on Suboxone for 3 yrs. for pain, and hydrocodone user. I have never been back on other pain killers, since I started Suboxone. Yes, you can go through recovery while taking suboxone. You are the only judgement that counts. For some people going cold turkey is not an option. Its not about who can change by mind over matter. Its your whole profile as a person. Are you prone to have an addictive personality, obsessive/compulsive disorder, ect. You need to just have a good ear and if suboxone is working, go for it. For me and my experience, I have 3 girls 11, and twin 5yr.olds, and if it takes suboxone every year in order to play, run, swimming, ect. with my girls. I'm doing what the doctor ordered.

    I was the one who educated my doctor about suboxone and asked him, please prescribe it for me. He consult with my out of town doctors and found it was a safer long term medicine than all the other pain killers. Plus, NO WITHDRAWALS. And it works great for my back and nerve chronic pain that I have. For me Suboxone was a God sent medicine!!!!

    DON'T GIVE UP!!! WHO KNOWS YOU BETTER, THAN YOURSELF?

    GOOD LUCK

     
    Old 06-09-2010, 12:19 PM   #21
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    Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    I take around 1mg a day of suboxone. I have been on it since February. I feel that I am definitely in recovery and I get no "high" feeling from it whatsoever. I am slowly tapering off and hope to be done by August. It does squash the cravings for other opiates and have not had a desire to return to oxy/hydrocodones.

     
    Old 06-10-2010, 11:09 AM   #22
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    Wink Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by damanster View Post
    Hi KEW.....u sound an awful lot like me! How is your recovery going by now? I hope u are still around. U 2 BIGDAWG.
    I'm still here and plugging away at recovery. Some days are hard, others are easy...guess that's life. I'm still taking 16mg of Subutex daily. It does feel as if I need the sub, I still think about the drugs, not constantly obsessing but missing the "high" and euphoria that I once had from them, albeit it was fleeting and coming down was miserable...I tend to think of something as unbelievably great when I'm deprived of it. I realize I've got LOTS of thinking errors to overcome. I'm trying to find some kind of substitute for the hydrocodone, something to make me feel good, great. Maybe there is nothing, maybe the problem is that I'm looking for something that doesn't exist and instead of trying to find it outside of myself, I need to look inward. Sometimes it seems so exhausting...today is an overwhelming day. How are other folks doing in their recovery???

    KEW

     
    Old 06-12-2010, 01:19 AM   #23
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    Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    derstand where you are at mate. Some days are a struggle. I try and look at those days as days I need to be nice to myself. We are very good at beating ourselves up. It takes time and at times hard work to change thinking patterns. I was going great guns feeling better than I have in years. Went to bed and dreamed all night about using(think it was the intervention show I watched before bed) I woke up hanging out wanting to use and the whole day I fought my thoughts. the suboxone takes away the physical stuff but the battle still exists in your mind. I too miss the "High" that feeling of "Oh Yeah!" You go through a grieving period where you need to come to terms with not using and say goodbye. Everyone is different but it truely is grieving like losing a close very close friend. This is especially true if you have used it to deal with emotional pain. I love riding my bike so when I am feeling strung out and my thoughts are winning I take a ride and get a natural high (probably the adrenaline rush from trying to stay alive avoiding all the idiots on the road) Or going to the beach and feeling the ocean breeze. You need to find something that gives you a good feeling and use it to replace the opiates. One day at a time and sometimes one monute at a time. It is worth it in the lon run to regain your life back. The mind has a way of letting you forget how stuffed your life was living from one high to the next. I find that sometimes I start thinking about using because I have so much more time to think than before. Before my head was always full of where or how can I get my next fix and what if I cant get it? what if I start getting sick? what if someone finds out and I lose my job? I would rather have the odd bad day than to go back to living in hell again for a small time of feeling "Good." You are right about looking inward. Its learning how to forgive yourself and letting go of the past. Sorry if I getting all serious like just want to share some of what I have learnt in the hopes of helping someone. One things for sure I am so glad to find and talk with others who understand. take care

     
    Old 06-12-2010, 06:26 AM   #24
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    Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    Kewood,

    I have been on Subxone for 15 months. I have been clean for 15 months. Since the day I started Suboxone, my life has changed in the following ways...

    I no longer crave Oxycontin and Percocet (not even a little craving),
    I no longer have to count pills to make sure I can get through another day,
    I no longer arrange to get money, nor do I even contemplate to wonder where I can get them.

    I am back to my normal self,
    I love life and look forward to each day (something I did NOT do when I was abusing pills),
    I play with my kids instead of isolating inside.

    There is so much more but I think you get my point.

    Each one of us is different and we have our own morals and values, however the most important thing to be aware of is that you are taking medicine prescribed by your doctor and not something you prescribed to yourself - make sense?

    Kewood, you are on a very good path in your recovery. Set goals, do stuff that makes you happy and anticipate each day as another chance to get your life back. Each time I look back, I realize how far I have come. I will be on Suboxone for the rest of my life (something my addictions doctor and I decided was my best option). I do not feel as though I am still using, simply because I have never looked forward to taking my Sub.

    Keep in touch, and remember - You only get one shot at this thing called life!

    Take care,
    emsmom

     
    Old 06-14-2010, 03:25 AM   #25
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    Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    Hi
    Tks for your words of encouragement emsmom. Can I ask what your maintenance dose is? I have only been on sub for 5 weeks and am at a place where I need to decide whether to up the dose or keep plugging away. I am right most of the time but I still get some cravings and thoughts about using. Today I found myself thinking about what other drugs I could take that wont mess with the sub. Some say this is normal others say I need to take more sub. Most of the time I can distract myself and change my thinking but today it seemed harder. Because of the antidepressant I am on I still get really sleepy about three hours after my dose. I am steadily reducing the dothep but it takes time to reduce as I have been on it for 25 years. I still feel better than I have in a long long time and love not having to worry about where I can get my next lot of drugs from. I get really angry with myself that I still think about using when I know how stuffed up I was before. People keep saying its early days and you are recovering. I really want to be free of addiction but it sure as hell doesnt want to free me. I am trying not to worry too much about when I have to come off sub. I think it will be a long time. I have been an addict for 32 years so I guess it will take time to re program. I keep focusing on how much better I feel and how much better my life now is even after only five weeks.
    Suzi

     
    Old 06-14-2010, 02:22 PM   #26
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    Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    Hi ilovebikes07 & emsmom,
    Thanks to you both for your thoughtful responses...I think I was having a moment, more like a day! of self-pity. I seem to wallow in it frequently which I am trying to get away from and realize I have SO much to be thankful and grateful for and yes, I remember those horrible times of wondering when I will run out of pills, how I'll get more, how I'll keep hiding it from my partner friends, family, etc. etc. It was a nightmare and the illusion of the "great high" is just that, an illusion based on drug induced non-reality. It's my crazy addict brain trying to trick me into going back out there and I won't do it! I do need to be kinder to myself. When I feel that way I just tell myself, "you're such a loser, look what you have, look what you could have lost, you should feel grateful not sorry for yourself you sorry, lame, selfish, etc. etc. etc.....which of course makes me want to just hide away and use, it's a vicious cycle!
    Ilovebikes, I just got my new Harley last week, a 2007 Fat Boy and I love it and have been riding this past weekend and it's like a meditation in motion for me too. I love to ride and feel the air temps change and smell the different smells in the air and just feel free. Its the closest thing to a natural high that I've found and it seems to be a good replacment high for me....when the weather is ok. I live in a place where theres lots of rain and I'm a pretty fair weather rider. I need some other hobbys to so I'm going to take some risks and perhaps take an art class or something I think I might like and expand myself a bit. I let fear take over and I did use for emotional reasons, to shut down scary emotions, to be more social, to feel less inhibited, etc. So, I've got work to do and it will be hard but will be worth it, I'm sure it will.
    I just wanted to thank you both for your responses, they really do mean alot to me. Thanks for the support and it sounds like you are both doing really well! Take care,

    Kewood

     
    Old 06-16-2010, 06:43 AM   #27
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    Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    Hi Kewood
    I know what you mean about the bike. I just purchased a Suzuki Boulevard M90 1500. Man I get high everytime I ride that thing. It is a great destresser I'm glad to hear you feeling more positive. Its hard at times I have been struggling myself the last few days. I wish I could figure out an addicts brain I would be a millionaire. You would think after all that we have put ourselves through and the pain and anguish it causes, you would never even think about doing it again. I have decided I need to up my dose of sub. From what I have been reading from other peoples experiences if your dose is right you dont crave anymore. Well I definetly am still having cravings. I dont know how they run the program in your part of the world but here in australia where I live you have to have supewrvised dosing for three months before they will consider you for take away doses which you can then only get four days worth at a time. I have six weeks to go, and at times I have felt like tossing it all in. Trying to fit in work (I am a shift worker) with collecting my dose whcih if I dont get it on time or within 2 hours of when it is due, I start having withdrawals, is proving to be very stressful. But at the end of my shift when I hop on my M90 I feel the stress leaving. I really do want to make it this time so I guess that has to count for something. My children have grown up now and I am still rebuilding a relationship with them after years of addiction nearly destroyed them as well as me. It takes time but sure is worth it. I love them so much and they are the main driving force behind me pushing on. Happy and safe riding take care
    Ilovebikes

     
    Old 06-17-2010, 10:37 AM   #28
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    Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    ILB,
    I hear ya about understanding the addict brain...talk about cunning, baffling & powerful, I can't begin to understand how my brain works when it comes to opiates...they just have such a hold on me, or they used to have such a hold on me and though I still struggle with thoughts, cravings & desire, I can and will keep on this path of recovery. It really is one day or hour or minute at a time isn't it? I can't imagine having to get my suboxone dose every day! I'm lucky and see my psych doc every month and he gives me a month's worth of Subutex. I don't ever want to take more than is prescribed because I really feel nothing from it, it just stops the w/d's which I appreciate! I know it does help with the cravings too and all of my cravings are purely psychological rather than physical. But, my brain is pretty powerful and man those psychological cravings and memories, or even perceived memories can really get me sometimes. I start telling myself how great it was and as soon as I start thinking that way, the battle has begun. If I don't immediately turn my thinking around, I can get into a real crazy-making place. That's when it's good to take a walk or a ride, get some air, clear my head and STOP THINKING! Sometimes I wish I could take a pill that would simply stop my brain from working so I could get some rest up there. Wonder how our brains became the way they are or perhaps we were just born with the addict brain? Well, take care and hope you start feeling better. It does sound like you might need a higher dose of the Sub and hopefully your doc will agree. Keep the rubber to the road! Talk to you soon!

    KEW

     
    Old 06-22-2010, 01:18 AM   #29
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    Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    Hi Kew and anyone else
    How you travelling. I've been doing it tough the last week. If I could get a brain transplant reckon would be ok My doctor says I have to up my dose so thats what I am doing. Its a balancing act because of the anti depressant I am on. It feels like you are in a battle for your life, thoughts, cravings desires want to pull you back into the life of drugs and the hell that comes with it and the rational part of you is saying no way and the battle is on. It is still early days for me I guess has only been seven weeks after many years of using. I have everything to gain and a hell of a lot to lose. I'm so tired of fighting and at times I just want to give up and give in to the desires of my mind and the delusion that it will make me feel better. Does this sh.. ever stop I start the higher dose in three days so hopefully it will help. The thought that I will still have to continue to fight this fight for the next so many years is almost too overwhelming at times. Someone tell me it gets better please! Sorry guys just having a difficult time of it. Tomorrow is another day and another day closer to recovery.
    ILB

     
    Old 06-23-2010, 10:08 AM   #30
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    Re: Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

    Hi ILB,
    I think it will get better, I know it gets easier but it seems like a rollercoaster is the most constant way of describing recovery, at least for me. There are times it's really hard, times it's easier, times you even forget you're an addict and fighting this thing (I could use some of that now!!) and times it just "is". I've been trying really hard to notice my thoughts and messages in my head whenever I'm feeling really down or struggling. I try to identify what the thought or message is and usually it's something negative like, "I'm a loser b/c I can't live life sober & happy", or "my life is being wasted because of the stupid mistakes I've made"....then I combat that message with something like,"life is a struggle for everyone, there are good and bad days and today can be a good day if I make it that", or "I made mistakes like everyone does, and now I'm taking responsibility and doing positive things for myself and my life so I'll be happy and can look forward to good things". Sometimes I don't believe the positive stuff I make myself say or think but I do it anyway because I do think it helps. Act as if.....I've heard that hundreds of times and I really do think it works. I'm sorry you've been having a tough time of it lately. I do hope that the increase in the sub will help you to feel better. I also take an anti-depressant, Effexor, and also just began taking Abilify, which is an anti-psychotic but also used to help boost an anti depressant that isn't working as well as it used to. The first couple of weeks on the Abilify I felt great! I was really energized, thinking positively, feeling really good and then it just kind of flattened out. I have to keep telling myself, nobody feels good ALL of the time. I need to be realistic in my recovery and if I have some days that are great, a few that are ok and a bad one here and there, that it is OK, that is life and I need to accept it. I realized that the messages I got as a child didn't necessarily set me up for reality as I got older and became an adult. I need to go back in my head and change those messages so that I can accept life as it is and now how I think it should be....I'll be thinking of you and wishing you well. Please keep me posted on how the increase in the sub goes for you! Take care! I put a good 150 miles on the bike this past weekend~! What fun!

    KEW

     
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