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    Old 09-05-2009, 06:07 PM   #16
    mindy1974
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    Today was a bit better. Started out hard but its turned soft. No cravings today. I will not take a extra crumb of the valume tonight.

     
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    Old 09-05-2009, 07:03 PM   #17
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    Way to go!! You'll be looking back over your shoulder in a little while thinking, "Whew! I'm glad that it over!!"

     
    Old 09-06-2009, 04:37 AM   #18
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    happy sunday denon,
    well i slepted last night pretty good. i went down one more half on the mussel relaxer so i'm half way done with that one, maybe i will reward myself with a cookie or something .

    as usual i woke up in fear and panic, negative hopless thoughts running all over my head. i kept thinking why the hell am i even trying to get off the benzos when i know that as soon as get almost off the ultram the worst of the withdrawals will happen, crawling legs, restlessness, no sleep at all, and then im just going to have to take the benzos for 5 days to get over the ultram! derlinda your so stupid!!! then i thought, well i dont have to worry about the final days of the ultra for a while so i will worry about reusing the benzos when the time comes. do only drug addicts have to do this much drug math in there head or do normal people freak out like this also?

    i think coming off the mussel relaxer is not hard, i might try to come off one more half tomorrow.

     
    Old 09-06-2009, 06:01 AM   #19
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    Just take each day one at a time. Plan for today and don't worry about next week. Just meet your goals that you set each day and plan for tomorrow. If you taper properly, you should be able to minimize your withdrawals.

     
    Old 09-06-2009, 09:48 AM   #20
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    I certainly do wish the path to freedom weren't filled with so many rocks on which we stub our toes.

    This is such a challenging passage. Your physical sufferings may well be worsened by that wretched depression. This becomes such a vicious cycle: depression caused by withdrawal, then depression causing increased sensitivity to pain, then the intensified craving for relief, any kind of relief.

    You mentioned that you don't react well to antidepressants, but today there is a huge armentarium of medication and a good psychiatrist ought to be able to find something that can help alleviated the psychological pain.

    I agree with the post that said your *true* friends will be kind and understanding. It is too hard to go through this process alone. I felt much better after I "outed" myself to my 3 closest friends. However, I do understand your reluctance and fear to acknowledge your dependence.

    As has already been said, keep coming back here for support. I found that even the journaling of my journey seemed to help.

    I know that this, too, shall pass even though it is an extraordinary challenge to our survival.

     
    Old 09-07-2009, 03:44 AM   #21
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    hello Read and denon,
    bad news i want to lie but if i cant be honest here then i'm really not going to be able to make it through this. i took extra valume last night.no extra ultram or mussel relaxer but the extra valume. i should have called someone in NA, but decided to try to be "strong" alone. i was in a pretty up and down mood swing most of the day and my energy was off. i got stuck in my head (not a good place to be when i feel pain and self pity). i know i can do this, i just need to get some extra support i have to find a buddy in na that i can call everyday. i reach for the pill that in the long run make my depression so much worse, its such self sabotage. when i'm not on this stuff my depression is very mild, this is a horable remonder of what i used to live with everyday. please don't stop helping me because i messed up, i will get this its just going to take a deeper committee and goals. and i really need you guys. i'm going to take my old dog for a swim and get to a early moring meeting, i will try to not be alone) so sorry for the bad report.

    Last edited by mindy1974; 09-07-2009 at 03:57 AM.

     
    Old 09-07-2009, 08:05 AM   #22
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Derlinda, IMHO sometimes we just do what we have to do and if that means a "slip," then that's just plain OK. It doesn't have to mean that our previous victories were meaningless. They remain real progress. This is an uphill journey with many bumps along the way.

    I doubt if a single soul here will condemn you. Every one of us has suffered through this tortuous experience.

    Then there's that nightmare of depression, which not only locks us in its embrace, but throws away the key as well. Although I didn't experience it during my detox period, I *have* been deeply depressed in the past and well understand those painful times when the feelings of worthlessness pervade every moment of the day.

    You have soldiered on through the bad times so far and I trust you will continue to get up and pull on your boots even when they're hard to find.

    I think you have a good idea in finding a special friend you can trust. Perhaps NA will be the place where you will meet someone who has walked miles in your shoes.

    The idea of one day at a time was laughable to me. My battle centered on one minute at a time and it sounds like that's where you are finding yourself, too.

    Keep coming back here and blessings on you for just plain trying to free yourself.

     
    Old 09-07-2009, 08:12 AM   #23
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    read thank you, thats just made me smile. its so powerful to hear someone say "hey your making progress! a slip does not make me a bad person!" your right! i feel better. my pain is through the roof but i have made some plans for the day and i know that will help. im going to get in the hot water today and stretch.
    i will be going down 50mgs in my ultram today, and i will stay on this dose for a week.
    thanks again

    Last edited by mindy1974; 09-07-2009 at 08:13 AM.

     
    Old 09-07-2009, 03:31 PM   #24
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Ahhhh, hot water....sounds so relaxing! I hope you feel better. Hang in there and don't beat yourself up about a little bit extra Valium. We are rooting for you!

     
    Old 09-07-2009, 03:41 PM   #25
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    I was hard on myself the first time that I slipped up and took the Oxy for 3 days after I had gone cold turkey. The people on this board told me not to beat myself up and just start back on my path to be free of it. I did and I made it. We're all human and we have our own personal daemons and conditions that haunt our minds and bodies. Slipping up and realizing that you did and getting back on track again is a major step in the right direction. Keep going forward and you'll make it.

    Depression is an evil monkey! It doesn't all sorts of nasty things to your mind. Staying busy and getting plenty of sunlight helped me get over my bout. Of course, here in Arizona, I can get a full days worth of sunlight by just walking to the mailbox and back. :-) But, I used to lose my clothes on the porch and stand and slowly turn around like a spit on a BBQ to allow the sun to penetrate every inch of my body for a few minutes each day. For me, I believed it helped.

    Stick to your new dose for a while and allow your body the time to adjust to it. Don't drop from one dose to a new dose by too much. You should try dropping about 10-20% a week or every few days. Don't be like dummy me and drop 50% at a time and wonder why I had withdrawals! Nice and slow is the best way to taper and jump off at the end when you and your body is ready.

     
    Old 09-08-2009, 04:58 AM   #26
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    denon, perky,

    thanks for checking in. denon did you ever have to use benzos? what was that tapper like for you? i also heaL SO MUCH FASTER WHEN I SIT IN THE SUN! but in my town in colorado even if you get caught in your own yard naked you go to jail... so i will have to stick to shorts and a tank!

    i did get some sleep last night so that feels positive. i am going to try to let myself enjoy the fact that i came down 25mgs off the tramadol yesterday. tramdol (ultram) always works great for the first few weeks for me with pain but slowly if i stay on it loner then a few weeks i start to get lethargic and unmotivated. the pain stays under control but my thinking really goes down the tolit. so i look forward to being off it again. i do how ever like to know in a emergency i can use tramdol. i remember once i tried to take extra tramdol (i think i took a extra 200), and i ended up with a head ache and nausea that was over the moon! so i dont feel tempted to abuse the med, but its is hard to think of being off the med and feeling fibro pain again. i think i am in one of the spots that so many of us get in where we have to choose between being pain free and mentally in a dark cave or being in pain and feeling more like myself. right now i want to feel like myself again.

    i though alot about the valium yesterday and i even stopped by friend house who had a LOAD of valume in her kitchen cabinet, but i was able to stick to my plan and stay on the tapper!!!!!!!! i really think i might have taken some of her pills if i did not have the support that you all gave me, i really feel like i have people rooting for me, and if i slip up im starting to feel like i could be honest and you wont punish me, shame me, and worst of all ignore me after i get honest.

    no more tapper until next monday (except i will go down to the last half of the mussel relaxor tonight)

    thanks so much! i wish we could all have a cup of coffee together and then start our day-- actually i guess i am having a cup of coffee with you all right now

     
    Old 09-08-2009, 11:29 AM   #27
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Yes, I did taper of Benzos (clonazepam) and I finished my tapering at the end of August. Like usual, I did my homework on it and I made sure that I tapered slowly, although I did taper at the end faster than I had expected. As a result, I did have a few extreme anxiety episodes, two of which I had to take something to calm me back down. I've never had anxiety like that ever before, so I'm sure it was a withdrawal symptom. I would and will suggest to people tapering off of Benzos to taper slower than for opiates.

    <removed>

    Yes, you are in a tricky spot where you need to decide to live w/o the haze of drug over you and tolerate the pain or to maintain a dosage that controls the pain to acceptable levels. Many people cannot stop the dosage of their medicine at a level where the pain is tolerable, but slowly increase the dosage to addictive levels. It is a tough choice, since I am currently in pain myself and taking pain meds to reduce it down to bearable levels, I can totally understand the dilemma.

    I think you are making the right choice and in my situation, I plan on not taking any more meds for the next few days before I visit the Pain Doc this week.

    Last edited by mod-anon; 09-08-2009 at 11:32 AM. Reason: do not instruct members to do outside searches

     
    Old 09-08-2009, 11:47 AM   #28
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    good luck with the pain doc and i hope you are as comfortable as possible until you get him. i also think that benzos were harder for me to get off of then opiates. the pain doc in my town was the one who got me on so many different drugs with-in 2 months that i ended up in a detox program. after to to the local pharmacist he said that this doctors over prescribes all the time and he has seen many people loss everything when they start to work with him. i will be going to a new pain specialist soon so i hope to get some new ideas. hope your feeling a bit better today!

     
    Old 09-09-2009, 05:17 AM   #29
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    hello and happy wednesday,

    i took a half instead of the quarter of the valume last night. the neck pain was so sever and the advil did nothing. maybe i used it as a axcuse to use the drug, i really don't trust my excuses anymore. all i know is the pain was ridicules and i knew i just wanted to sleep and the drug would put me to sleep. i sleep for 6 hours and for me that is about 3 hours more then i normally get with out drugs. back on plan today. if the pain gets bad today i am going to just leave work, rent a movie and use a hot pack. as i took the pill i knew that i would feel better in the moment but within 24 hours i would be a sobbing mess again because the downer drug do just that --- bring me down! i wish someone could put me on a leash and every time i reached for a extra pill they could give the lease a quick tug and get me back on path. going to pray and reach out allot today. i also find out if my insurance will cover me to get some PT.

    hope you all are starting out ok today

    Last edited by mindy1974; 09-09-2009 at 05:17 AM.

     
    Old 09-09-2009, 11:50 AM   #30
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    I hope the PT works for you and helps with your pain. You're doing great, even with the little extras. Make a goal and try to keep it so that you are moving forward.

     
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