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    Old 09-09-2009, 05:59 PM   #31
    mindy1974
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Hello. Talked to Doc today and she wants me to start in tiny bit of cybalta. She said I could go on now even though I'm still tapering off ultram, but then how will I know what's withdrawal and what's cybalta? Hmmmmmm

     
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    Old 09-09-2009, 09:12 PM   #32
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    I took cymbalta for a while, but mostly for nerve pain. I didn't notice any ill mental effects from it and it actually gave me a boost of energy and a good outlook on life in general. I really liked the feeling. But, it had one sexual side effects that many anti-depression drugs can cause and my wife and I decided that I should stop taking it. I don't know how it would effect a woman. I'm doing well without it.

     
    Old 09-10-2009, 04:39 AM   #33
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    thank you for your experance with that drug. im very nerves to try it because i have had a hard time with antidepressants, but i'm going to take the 30mg capsule and try just half for a week. if i get manic (only happens on anti depressants) then i will stop.

    i did not take extra valume yesterday. my was pain was very tolerable yesterday so they temptation was minimal. on a day when i'm not all balled up from pain it feels like i'm high. i laugh allot, i just have a positive atatude and i get so much done! i'm trying really hard to get the positive and happy in pain or not, not easy but i believe i can get close if i work really hard at it.

    i do have a very stressful trip coming up on the 25th (family get together....) and my little addict in my brain said ("hey der don't toss out all that valum before you go to see your family, the pill could make all the difference on weather you have a good time or not!". as long as i let my non-addict friend hold my pills i wont have a chance to mess around.

    i am like many of us, my creativity and my work is much more impressive when i'm on medication. that a hard bit of reality to deal with. i get stuck in the cycle that i need money, i take pills, i get work done, i make more money. i had one person tell me to try for disability, it would be better then taking a pill. i really am not open to that right now. i know i need to stay open.

    my plan is to stay on taper today!!!!!!! denon i cant think of a fun reward for myself if i make it to my next tapper, any suggestions?

    have a great thursday!

    Last edited by mindy1974; 09-10-2009 at 04:42 AM.

     
    Old 09-10-2009, 01:55 PM   #34
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Hey Sweetie,

    Sounds like you are fighting the good fight and winning my friend! I am so proud of you. I know this has not been an easy road for you. Please know you are never far from my mind and always are in my heart! I really believe you can do this and I think if you take a long look at yourself you will see it too.

    Just remember that we are always here for you.... ALWAYS! Keep hanging in there. I am glad you had a low pain day yesterday! What a blessing!

    Keep us posted my dear!
    XOXOXOX
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    Old 09-11-2009, 04:34 AM   #35
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    thanks secrets, and denon. everything hurts today!!!!!! headache, neck, feet and hands. its 5 in the morning and i feel like i have been up for 3 days. consistantly since i started getting chronic pain i always think of a way out of it. what drugs can i take? what new diet program can i start? fit this fix this! well that atatude had got me in big trouble with drugs and worsened my anxiety as you can image. before the accident i was getting so much better at accepting the pain as it comes and goes and doing the actions that can help my healing. the pain was not getting better but my attitude and sprite were changing and becoming lighter. so i feel like i have back slid allot. all i can think of right now is that i have a full bottle of valume that i can get my hands on. that i know where my friend hides his opiates. and that i have a doctor who will prescribe ritalin if i get appointment with him. forgive me for the confessions but i cant keep these thoughts in my head, or i will act on them. i want to comite to you that when i pick up my prescription of valume i will take it straight to my friend who holds it for me. she hates drugs, and only gives me enough for 3 days, and she always asks me a million questions because she worries about me relapsing. i don't feel willing right now to hand over the pills not willing at all. i will pray today for the willingness to do the right and self loving thing.

    thank you for helping me work out this craziness. by the way i think i'm going to take the cymbalta at night just incase it makes me sleepy

    Last edited by mindy1974; 09-11-2009 at 04:35 AM.

     
    Old 09-11-2009, 12:54 PM   #36
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Good for your friend to help you out and control your pills. Ultimately, you are the person in control of your actions and decide what you are going to take and how much. You should still be on a tapering plan with and end date goal somewhere down the line. Just keep moving forward. I think the Cymbolta will help and I didn't notice it making me tired or drowse. I actually notice an increase amount of energy, which is why I tool it in the morning. You're doing great!! Keep heading towards that goal.

     
    Old 09-11-2009, 01:26 PM   #37
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Hey Honey,

    I am glad you are getting this stuff off your chest because if you keep it all in it will just eat you alive. That is what we are here for!

    You know that you can stay strong but we both know how easy it is to buckle!!!!!! We have been on both sides of that and we know when we stay strong.... we always feel a lot better about ourselves. I have faith in you.

    Just keep writing and writing and we will be here for you.

    Hang in there honey. I know how hard it is to stay strong... I know... I wish I could make it better for you!

    Blessings to you!
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    Old 09-12-2009, 03:48 AM   #38
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    hi denon and secrets!!!
    bad bad reaction to the cymblata. i guess i was hoping for a miracle, im one of the few people who have a manic reaction to anti depressants. last night i started to feel agitated all over my body, i could not concentrate on what my friend was saying and i felt so "off", its different then the skin crawling of withdrawals. i have only taken it for a few days so i'm sure (well i hope) that i will be back to normal by tomorrow. i really want to take something to calm down, but i'm not going to. will try to stay busy and keep myself away from my home where i get most tempted. i going down another quarter off the ultram tomorrow, i feel pretty ok about that. i have been up since 3 so i can expect a pretty big energy crash by noon, so i want to prepare myself so i dont feel tempted to pop a little something to feel up again. boy i'm sick of sounding like a drug addict. i went on a blind date yesterday, he was really hyper and talked super fast and his eyes kept darting around. i thought to myself, is he high? is he on uppers? then i remembered that just because i'm a pill popper i should not assume everyone else is also! he was just probably nerves like me to be on a date. maybe dating while tapering off drugs is not very smart? at least it gives me something to-do and gets my mind off of my favorite obsession--- me!
    i want to thank you again for responing to my posts, its the first thing i do when i wake up and it changes my mood in a huge way, thank you for the help....

    i really wanted the cymbalta to work. maybe i can try again later in conjunction with mood stabilizer, i'm open to that.

     
    Old 09-12-2009, 02:27 PM   #39
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Hi Der -- how long were you on the Cymbalta? My understanding was those types of drugs take a little bit of time to work. I myself wasn't able to take it because of side-effects (I don't remember what exact ones), but I do know I had a horrible time getting off it. And that was only after three weeks. Anyway, hang in there and wow, I'm impressed that you had enough energy for a blind date!

     
    Old 09-12-2009, 08:17 PM   #40
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    hi perky,
    i was on it for 3 days, by the third night i was wanting to peel my skin off (sorry that was gross) all those drugs can be pure hell to come off for some of us. it took me 9 months to come off seroquel. it was worse then benzo or opiate withdrawl.
    i stayed on target today. pain but not out of hand. i started to get anxious but got in the warm water pool for 40 minutes and i calmed down alot.
    hope i sleep tonight.
    time to tuck my dog in
    night night

    Last edited by mindy1974; 09-12-2009 at 08:19 PM.

     
    Old 09-13-2009, 05:26 AM   #41
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    old drug addicted behavior seems to be alive and well in me. i still chew my pillS. when i was really caught up in my addiction i would chew up my pills in hope that they would hit me faster. it taste so gross and its ridiculous because i have never felt it hit me faster because of the chewing. i have been doing that with my morning ultram and my tiny bit of valume. i have been trying to really be aware of my thinking process as i continue to tapper and i hear the resistance to getting off the pills. what i feel the most is that i love taking a pill when i get up and i love taking one before bed. it relaxes me. crap i wish i could put it into words, im not very articulate. it makes me feel safe, and i feel reassured that things will be ok, it gives me a sense of some control over my pain and my life. can anyone relate to that? tonight should be my last night on the valume, i dont feel capable of stoping but i will pray and trust today that i can stick to my goal. i have bottle of pills waiting for me at the pharmacy. my goal is to pick them up and take them straight to my friend for her to hold (she is the drug hater who is more then happy to make sure i don't have access to drugs unless its completey necessary). i want to be honest with you guys, i don't know if i can do it. i will let you know.

    thank you,

    derlinda

     
    Old 09-13-2009, 10:33 AM   #42
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    I'm just so sorry you're having such a rugged day aready. I'm in there paddling the same boat with you.

    Although I had to frequently take a lot of Xanax in the weeks after my husband died (.50mg 3-4 x/day), my use never evolved into addiction. My anxiety was so intense that I think I just metabolized every single milligram of it. Except for reading your journey, I don't really know too much about the detox process, so I'm just writing to help give you some support.

    During the first week of my hydro detox I was drinking about a quart of pomegranate juice a day. For some reason, my body seemed to be telling me that it needed all the antioxidants it could get. As I've already written, acupuncture really helped with the craving end of the process, as well as with my headaches. I'm wondering if it might also help you.

    So far today it's overcast and much cooler than it has been for the last few days, so maybe I'll be able to actually get out and take a walk. Maybe we can do a cyber-walk together. I managed a short one yesterday and it *did* feel good, even walking fairly slowly.

    It's so hard to be brave, but I think you really are quite courageous. Every minute "free" is a victory--rather like WWI's slow advance up from the trenches and across the killing fields, sometimes only taking a few feet at a time.

    So, let's sally forth into the unknown, you and I, and grab each moment and hang on for dear life each second that we're free. AND if the burden beats us from time to time, let's not bury ourselves in remorse and recrimination. (Written as much to encourage you as myself.)

     
    Old 09-13-2009, 10:46 AM   #43
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    hi derlinda, reading this w/out reading other replies or your other quotes so might ask questions you've already answered. what are you coming off of? do you have valium to help you thru this? cant believe your doc said get ready for hell (even thou w/out help w/ meds or something that might be the case.... support should help little bit). that's why since you've got a sponser and can get to meeting and if that's helped you before, try to go unless symptoms are too bad. you mentioned wanting to go cold turkey so maybe that means you don't have to. go slower if you have something to take to help w/ the w/draws, anxiety (valium) etc. It shouldn't take couple of weeks, why do you think it might be that long? If you have something to help you sleep be sure to take it if that might be problem. Even benadryl (diphenhydromine) can help w/ sleep. don't know if i'm allowed to say that but if you've taken antihistamines before w/ no adverse effects it shouldn't hurt and will help tonight if you have nothing else. silly also but suggestion others, and you, might laugh at but walk your dog if symptoms not too bad. remember to take it one day at a time and keep busy. watch tv or keep mind busy and TRY to get feelings of shame and disgust OUT OF YOUR HEAD. they are doing you no good and are not true. seriously this is hard and you are not to blame so go easy on yourself. i'll try to check back to see if you've responded to anyone as i'll be thinking of how you're doing. hang in there and take care. remember, don't go cold turkey if you don't have to; it's not worth the suffering and really can be dangerous.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by derlinda View Post
    i have read so many posttoday and am so happy to see all-the support that is given-out, i too need so help during this horrible time. i was clean off all drugs for along time and then was in a accident and was put on all my old drugs, i did not want to do it but had no family or money to get alternative help. i was put on ultram mussel relaxor and valum. well the pain has passed and i'm working again but the old depression and flu like symptoms are coming on strong, and thats even before i started to tapper!!! my doctor said to just cut back a little off each one everyday and get ready for hell (truly thats what he said) my sponser from a 12 step program said to just go to meeting and get help. but im reaching out here because i dont trust my doctors tapering advice i need to get some suggestions and help from you guys. i need to check in everyday while i go through this. already the thoughts of hopeless shame and self disgust are filling my head. im so afraid of what the next few weeks of what withdraw are going to look like. my anxiety is through the roof. im a single female with a dog and a tin room that i rent. i dont have family but do have a few friends. i want to go cold Turkey but i know that will end me up in the ER, with no one to help when i get out. can you guys help support me during this, all advice is greatly appreciated and welcome!

    tahnk you,
    derlinda

     
    Old 09-13-2009, 12:56 PM   #44
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    hi read and serenity!
    thank you for reaching out on this cold sunday.
    i am withdrawing off ultram and valium. they have helped so much with my pain but these drugs turn on me and depression and fatigue start to over take me with daily use. so the choices are go higher in my dose or get of the drugs for a while and handle the pain in other ways. i have taken a long brake from ultram before and it was good because when i had to go back on it it worked great for a month, then wham! depression and sleepy all day. im being a coward on how slow i am going on the ultram. im a drug addict to the bone and i hate giving up that short high i get for the first few hours of use even though its followed by 7 hours of the downers and sadness.
    i feel very depressed right now. blaaaaaaaaa!

     
    Old 09-14-2009, 05:11 AM   #45
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    today will be my first day without valuim! and i came down 25mgs off the ultram. so now im just down to the 150mgs of ultram (down from 300). im all ready having mental withdrawal about the valium, but it really is a tiny dose so i just might have a good last day similar to denons last day on benzos. the fatigue from the daily ultram is getting really old! i look forward to having a little "zippyness" (is that a worD) . i treated myself to a massage last night but took 2 advil before because i hurt like crazy right after body work (although i feel better in the long run) then i read that you should not take tylenol or advil with ultram, my doc never told me that. what do you think? hey-- i did not chew my pill today! that sounds silly but its a big deal for me to take a pill like a normal person.

    im going to try to get some extra exercise today in hopes that it helps me sleep tonight incase the missing benzo keeps me awake.

    i have been trying to date lately (scary), and sooner or later the fact that i have a chronic pain disability comes up. its really a frighningthing to share with someone. rejection fears over whelm me. i have a date this week and i thought that it might be ok to take a valium before the date so i dont get nerves. but i wont!!! have to learn to talk about this junk without using drugs to talk about the fact that sometimes i have to use drugs!! hello! my last relationships ended because they felt that there life's were to restricted being with a girl who has fibro. i understand that but it still hurts.
    so i will try to remember today that im not the only one with pain, that im not the only one coming off drugs. that seems to help.
    have a great week everyone

     
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