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    Old 09-20-2009, 07:02 AM   #61
    readerroz
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    You are so brave.

     
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    Old 09-20-2009, 10:22 AM   #62
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    That's all it takes is one day at a time. Get through today and set new goals when you wake up in the morning. If you start worrying about tomorrow too soon, it can overwhelm you and you can lose sight on what your goal is today.

    I'm glad to hear that you talked yourself out of the drinks. That is a big step. Remember, as it sounds like you are doing, stay busy!

     
    Old 09-20-2009, 06:15 PM   #63
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    thanks read and denon,
    end of the night and i had a good day, got allot of work done. talked with a few friends and went on a nice cool walk around the town. back at home and all i can think about is getting high!!! when things are good i want to abuse, when things are bad i want to use. im really trying to accept this process.
    oh boy, im sick of me!
    xoxox

     
    Old 09-21-2009, 10:32 AM   #64
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    hi all. better mood today. i have a huge trip at the end of the week and im really anxious. im going to see my family and its been 2 rears. i really lost them when i relapsed last time so this is a big step for me to go back and clean things up. i know that once i feel good with them it will help alot with the cravings.
    i will not use drugs to try to deal with my family. did i just say that? well i do mean it.

     
    Old 09-22-2009, 10:19 AM   #65
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    went down in the ultram and slept fine. the weather change here has been huge so my joint and mussel pain is so strong that its making me feel nauseous. im going to talk to my doctor about what we can do. i feel pulled in both directions, get off the ultram and be drug free, or stay on ultram and keep function. i need to just gather information and really search my heart.
    the physical therapy should make a difference.
    other then that i feel sooooo good about not being benzos!!!

     
    Old 09-22-2009, 01:17 PM   #66
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    You are doing so well!! Getting things right with your family is essential and will give you more strength. Working with the PT will also help with your aches and pains. Also, be honest with your doctor about how you feel and what your goals are. They are there to help you. Keep up the good work!

     
    Old 09-22-2009, 02:29 PM   #67
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    GREAT JOB!!!!

    That is awesome. I am so proud of you! Keep it up. I agree with Denon. Speak to your dr. about all the options and make the best choice you can for yourself.

    You keep doing what you are doing honey! We are all here cheering you on!
    XOXOXO
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    Old 09-23-2009, 11:04 AM   #68
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    hi secrets and denon,
    its actual snowing here in boulder colorado today, tiny flakes, just enough to make my bones hurt. ok, off the pity pot.
    good talk with the doc today, he was happy to hear the detail of my taper with the benzos. he said pain management is a personal thing and you have to be honest and loving with yourself on what you can and cant handle. he said if im trying to be "super derlinda never takes drugs for pain" then im just going to set myself up for increased pain and resenting the heck out of everyone in my life that im trying to impress. talked to my sponcer about it and i'm going to stay on my ultram dose until the end of october. i will have had 10 PT sessions by then and willl have done my amends with my famlie. i might find that by then the pain has lessed and i can go down on the ultram. my fatiuge and depression is alot better, so i dont think the dose of ultram im on is making that worse right now. i do think i might have to be open to moving to a warmer climent next year, this mountain living is not very fibro friendly. i think i would feel alot better in a desert. i do know that if i were to make hue changes right now i would relapse, im not handling stress very well when i'm in pain.
    so im not sure but i guess i should start posting on the pain management board?
    everyone here has been so helpful, the power and joy and being honest about slips, relapse, and crazy thoughts has helped me take action in getting better.
    der

    Last edited by mindy1974; 09-23-2009 at 11:06 AM.

     
    Old 09-24-2009, 03:44 AM   #69
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    I have been up since 2am. Anxiety through the roof, nightmares, crazy thoughts, flu symptoms. Is this more withdrawal. I know benzo with drawl can go in waves. I feel crazy!!! Maybe its the ultram. Maybe its the anxiety about going home, loneliness?I want to get my hands on "somthing"

     
    Old 09-24-2009, 06:47 AM   #70
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Hello Derlinda

    I hope you can hang in there through the time time you are going through. I also came off a benzo, Xanax, and the withdrawal continued for a while. It came in spurts like you are experiencing. I finished the taper around the end of June, but in all honesty, it was sometime in like September that I really stopped having the sleepless nights.

    Also, I remember that it was still tough at times to handle anything that made me even a bit anxious. I had to really reflect sometimes on why I felt anxiety. I think it is partly due to the lingering old habit of reaching for a pill when life gets us edgy for any reason.

    Please try and figure out why you feel edgy. It really might be the going home. Pull it apart and see if there is anything that is truly worth the edginess. Be practical, be strong. In the end, I am sure there is nothing life-threatening that has to be faced. Smiles. Keep the balance and perspective, Honey. It will work out.

    All good thoughts
    reach

     
    Old 09-24-2009, 08:29 AM   #71
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    thanks reach- your so right. a detailed inventory f all the things that seem overwhelming need to be put on paper. when i was little i reached for food when i was anxious, when i was older i reached for alcohol and pills. now i just need to reach with in me. that sounded cheesy but i think you get the idea.

     
    Old 09-24-2009, 08:46 AM   #72
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    when i was little i reached for food when i was anxious, when i was older i reached for alcohol and pills. now i just need to reach with in me

    Derlinda

    I think these are some of the most profound words I have ever read on this board! Wowsers. A great evaluation and words I am going to seal in my head. They sure fit me to a tee.

    Many thanks
    reach

     
    Old 09-24-2009, 11:23 AM   #73
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Derlinda,

    HOLY CRAP... I still have goose bumps from reading your quote about reaching.... I will hold that within me FOREVER. Thank you. How profound and meaniful. It just really struck a cord with me. Thank you.

    SNOW..... I don't want to even think about that yet.... I know it's coming... it always does. I hope your pain has gone down honey.

    Looks like you made it thru another day of not caving... GOOD FOR YOU! I am so proud of you. Look at the strength you have! Really look. If you can get thru that bad night... You can make it thru another. One day at a time my friend.. One day at a time...

    Sending you a warm hug!
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    Old 09-27-2009, 06:07 AM   #74
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Hi guys! Its been a few days since I have talked with you and I miss it! I am writing from CA and have been here for 2 days. I so badly wanted to bring extra drugs and maybe a few ‘uppers” and “downers” so that I could insure my ability to keep up with my family and to trick them into thinking I’m doing great. I did not want them to see that I still live with pain and have trouble sleeping. I wanted to keep up with their kids and help make dinners and play on the beach. I know that deception has to stop. So no extra drugs and I am doing ok. Lots of pain and not sleeping, but I am not pretending to be someone I am not, I don’t complain about my body but I don’t push myself, and I do tell them why I cant join them on all the adventures. I look completely normal so its hard for my family to understand when I say my body feels like a ran 4729 miles and that I have a hideous flu. I have surrendered to the fact that I cant go there with them I just try to love them and stop making myself miserable trying to get them to “understand” me. People who don’t have daily pain cant really wrap their brain around what I live with.
    I wanted to drink last night at a family dinner party, but I know its just because was feeling sorry for myself because I was not engaged in the conversations, my self pity has lead me back to booze and pills one to many times. This is a little trick I used for my back pain last night. I grabbed my 5-year-old nephew and asked him if he wanted a back scratch (I was the one who wanted to be touched), he said sure! After about 5 minutes of giving him a tickle, I was more relaxed and my pain lifted a bit. I was not focusing of how nice a big benzo would be, but just fully enjoying that I got to give this little dude a tickle and that he loved it! Then I asked if we could go home. No one gave me an attude or asked why. We just went home and went to bed feeling happy that I was not drunk and dizzy or high as a kite worrying if I had acted like a complete *** the hole day through.
    Thanks for being there guys, I need you!

     
    Old 09-27-2009, 09:39 PM   #75
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Glad to hear that you had a good time and felt the good happy feelings. The more you can do that the better. Reaching inside yourself can be very rewarding. Happy meditations of chanting can do wonders (I need to heed my own words on that one). I'm glad to see that you're still moving in the right direction.

     
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