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    Old 09-28-2009, 09:49 PM   #76
    NotPerky
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Der, sorry you're in pain but you did give me a chuckle (feeling like you ran 4729 miles). Why oh why do these darn pills (or lack thereof) have so much effect on our legs? It's really weird. The only consolation is that we know it's a "normal" part of WD, since we all seem to have it! And guess what -- my leg pain (the muscle pain anyway) is starting to go away! But I don't want to jinx it....so I'll wait til later this week (the 8-week milestone) to update my post. But there IS light at the end of the tunnel! Hang in there and enjoy your family time, and CA!

     
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    Old 09-29-2009, 10:19 PM   #77
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    scared and confused tonight. i have drugs again, lots of them, i cant sleep and my anxiety is through the roof. i ended up in the urgent care today because i could not move my neck from spasms and then pain was causing me to shake with horrible nausea. i was alone, scared and so confused. i tried breathing exercise, stretching, and a hot pack, mussel relaxers did not touch it.
    i knew what would work and i was unable to stop myself. the clinic gave me 20 10mg of valium. i took 2 and sat in the hot shower for about a half hour. i cant sleep from the pain but i can move my head and i was able to keep my food down. im so sorry you guys, i really want to be a success story but living like this alone just kicks my *** some days! maybe if i had a partner or a friend who was with me that i could be honest with i might have been able to just take one pill and spend time with a friend. instead i got the pills ate them down and started mentally beating the hell out of myself. im not going to take more tonight, if i don't sleep then iw il just have to deal with that. what my plan? a meeting tomorrow, tell my therapist and get some work done. im so scared to go to a pain clinic, that's how i got hooked in the first place. i guess i need to keep believing and hoping more options will come. sorry guys, and thanks for letting me tell the truth

     
    Old 09-30-2009, 05:53 AM   #78
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    well i slept from 12 to 2:30. im mentally preparing myself for a day on no sleep. neck is on fire and thats that. the anxiety is worse then the pain. i have been here befor and i know it passes. just have to keep my chin up. i think the ultram is contributing to my flu like symtoms, it usually does that to me if i stay on it for to long. need to start a tapper on that again. ok new goals, better attutide, and stay busy.

     
    Old 09-30-2009, 09:54 AM   #79
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    ok just got back from seeing my shrink and he knocked me around a bit... he pointed out that i have come very far, and just because i was disabled yesterday and took the prescribed amount does not mean a slip. it means self care. he did point out that i should have not gone to the doctor by myself because that's a slippery place for me but that i did do the right things. i pulled 2 days worth of the Valium for tonight pain and if i need it tomorrow and gave the rest to a trusted friend. when i start beating myself up i need help getting back into realty. thanks for being here you guys. i feel calmer, i have no range of motion in my neck but my anxiety is better.
    happy Wednesday to all my favorite addicts!

     
    Old 10-01-2009, 04:59 AM   #80
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    wow i got 4 hours of sleep last night!!!! im not being sarcastic, i really do feel grateful that i got some sleep. i was walking around most of yesterday like a stoned out zombie. i tried to carry on some conversations with a few clients but in all honesty i have no recall of what they were saying, pure exhaustion.

    i went down 25mg of the ultram last night, my legs had the creepy crawlies but i took melatonin and benadril so i got through it. i would rather have a

    headache then RLS. next thursday i will go 25 more mgs of the ultram witch will put me at 125mgs, my goal is to get to 100mg and stay at that for a month or so. i have about 30mg of the valium on hand if my neck freaks out on me, i handed the rest of the pills over to a friend, i have no way to get to them. im also taking the Anabuse lately because i want to take the drinking temptation off the table. i still feel weak for taking anabuse but you know what- its part of how i stay sober right now, its good self care and its a h*ll of a lot better then being drunk and curled up in a ball on my bathroom flore. I was looking around my NA meeting and had a huge wave of "im not alone" it was very setteling anf helpful.

    have a great day

     
    Old 10-02-2009, 05:24 AM   #81
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    friday is usually a anxiety riden day for me. i start wander what am i going to do with my self all weekend, why am i still single, whats wrong with me, i'm a loser- you know all that great motivating self talk, that lead me to a drink or a pill because i cant shut my mind up. so i am going to try to fill up the weekend with friends , meetings, and dog walks. i dont feel like using, and my pain was so much better yesterday. i slept last night also. yea!!! most of the alcoholics and addicts that i have met struggle with the same self defeating patterns that i do. why is that? its ridiculous! i have a doctors appointment today, i wont be asking for any drugs, just a check in. i will admit that i did have a few thoughts about getting him to give me AAD medications for a little lift, mind you i don't have frincken ADD! just need to tell on myself...

     
    Old 10-02-2009, 09:28 AM   #82
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Der, you've come *so* far on this torturous journey. You have much for which you can be proud.

    It looks like you've "listened" to the suggestions from the vets here and put them to good use.

    You may not know it, but you *are* becoming a role model. Your determination and fortitude are wonderful examples of triumph.

     
    Old 10-02-2009, 07:02 PM   #83
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    read,
    thank yu so much for your words, you lifted me up!
    today was ok. i stayed busy. i had to take a 10mg valium today when my neck gammed up and shot pain up into my ears. i feel ok about that. i have a moring AA meeting so that will be a good way to keep mind off what i dont think i have and back on to looking at all the things i Do have.
    lets have a good weekend. thanks for listening. i really need you guys (i say that alot, but i really do)

     
    Old 10-02-2009, 10:01 PM   #84
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Hello my dear friend,

    I have missed you so much. Sorry I have not been around the last couple days much. We were wrapping up the end of the month goals and work and it had me slammed.
    I just caught up reading about your week and I have a lot of feelings to share with you. First and foremost, I am proud of your honesty. That is one thing addicts have a hard time with sometimes but you have been so honest with yourself and us that it is so inspirational. Congrats on getting thru that time with your family without abusing your meds. I am so proud of you. I am sure it was really difficult. It did sound like you had some nice times there though as stressful as I am sure it was for you.
    I am so sorry to hear of your struggle with pain and anxiety. It's just so unfair. I am sorry to hear you are lonely and at times think you are a loser because you don't have a partner. Let me tell you this though, you are not. You are a beautiful person and I hope you are able to start seeing that more and more. You have a lot to offer when the "right" one comes along. That I promise you.
    I am also proud of you for filling your time.. That is so important for us addicts. Idle hands are never an addicts friend. Your commitment to your meetings is great and I am so glad that they make you feel so good. Looking around that room and realizing you are not alone is so wonderful.
    Well, I will be around here all weekend as I am visiting my Mom for the weekend so I will check in with you lots. I am here for you honey.. That is a promise I will make and keep.
    Sending you a warm healing hug all the way from Minnesota!
    XOXOXOX
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    Old 10-04-2009, 10:02 PM   #85
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    thanks S! always so great to hear your word and to get your support. i know you can always relate! ,

    pretty good weekend. had to take some valium yesterday for the neck/facial pain but woke up feeling a lot better witch makes me think that the drug stopped me from clenching my teeth while i slept and im sure that cut way down on the neck pain. still don't like that i took it, but don't need it today. and today is all im worrying about! still down on the ultram and will go down another 25mgs tomorrow. im doing such a slow taper with that- so its really pretty simple as far as the WD go.

    i have not been sharing in meeting and i know its because feel ashamed for taking medication. i know that's ridicules because NA does not say don't take meds, it says do abuse med that i have to take for medical reasons, and stay honest and don't try to take drugs on your own. well i tell you guys and 2 friends but that's all, no one in my meetings. my ego gets in the way. i think my ego would kill me if it could get its slimy little hands on me! hope that you all had a good weekend!

    derlinda

     
    Old 10-06-2009, 07:38 AM   #86
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Hey You!

    I am glad you are hanging in there. I too agree that if a person sincerely needs to take something for a medical condition that they should take it. Just because we are addicts does not mean we have to suffer for the rest of our lives like we are being punished or something. However, since we are addicts we have to be EXTREMELY careful that we are taking the medications for a just reason and we more than likely like the people at NA said need help from someone to control the pills. It's all about protecting ourselves.

    This is one of my biggest fears, having some medical condition, injury that I will have to be put on meds again. I know the addict part of my brain is waiting and lurking and it scares the heck out of me. I injured my back, am taking nothing for it besides IB Profen and I don't know how long that can last.... My knee just started in the last few weeks giving me major trouble! Sometimes it hurts so bad that it brings tears to my eyes and actually feels at times it may hyperextend itself. I don't know what to do about that. I know it should probably be checked out but I am afraid to go in and tell them how bad it hurts... They will want to MRI it, and give me something for the pain and right now mentally with everything going on in my life I don't know if I am strong enough to say NO. So, I personally feel you are doing a good job! Keep taking your meds when you need them. Try your hardest to take when you don't. You have a lot more strength than you know. I remember months ago, you were in a much worse condition with the meds than you are now so I comend you for that my dear friend.

    You just keep on keeping on. I miss our old friend who used to always say that! I am thinking about your friend!
    XOXOXOXO
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    Old 10-06-2009, 07:06 PM   #87
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Well, as Secrets said, ...dreading having a medical condition where you have to take the meds again. I'm there now and I'm taking the meds. Not that I want to, but because I have to. But, I'm still taking them responsibly and only when I need them. I learned that from my first naive episode on the drugs. If you REALLY need them and not just want them, there is a difference, then it is alright to take them. If you feel that you cannot control their use - talk to your doctor about it and see if there is something different you can do. That was my discussion with the doctor today - what are my alternatives? Right now, meds are the only thing for my injury. I'll take them until the pain goes away then I'll stop and wait and someday the pain will start again and I'll start all over again. I am in control and I'll stay that way. That's the only way to fight this is to be in control.

     
    Old 10-08-2009, 03:09 PM   #88
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    secrets and denon thank you for your and insightful words. i had to go back to the doc yesterday because of dizziness, swollen lymph, and fever. he said i hada infection and gave me a shot of steroids and a z-pac. just being in his office made me depressed . i know i should be grateful that i have not lost my insurance yet i feel bitter that the last 7 years of my life have been in doc offices and pharmacies. ok thats a major lie but im feeling pretty down today so i like to make things sound worse then they are.
    im looking-out my window right now and the snow is dumping. its so pretty, and my old dog is acting like a puppy becuase he loves the cold. so i am going to fallow his lead and just be excited that a new season is coming and that maybe this winter i will not be in as much pain as usual. i need to get back to being hopefull and helpfull for myself and others.
    yo guys are great.
    merry christmas!!!

     
    Old 10-28-2009, 11:41 PM   #89
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    I am a proponet of mental health. Our minds make deals with ourselves for reasons of self preservation. Cymbalta takes a few weeks to kick in, but it is different in each case. I read your posts and my heart hurts for you. I feel your pain as I went through a very similiar situation. It was the "creepy leg thing" that got me. I would be in a full body sweat fetal position grabbing my legs, tying ace bandeges around them to cut off circulation (not recommended) while trying to keep my stomach and bowels inside my body (night, after night, after night). The only thing that got me through it were posts like these, and knowing I wasn't alone. You have received all excellant posts. My custom booked trip to Hell is much like many others and yours. Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, know you are not alone. I have emailed some of my friends with your story so know that people half-way around the world are with you. Drawing and meditation were my stress managers. We have each other, and that is huge. Hope never got out of the box, watch the snow fall, enjoy the Holidays and give your dog a hug for us. May all the Gods bless you. Have faith and know life is good.

     
    Old 10-29-2009, 07:29 AM   #90
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    Great previous post!

    Derlinda, where are you honey? Been thinking about you and hope you are doing well. If you are able to can you please give us an update. We are here with you honey!

    XOXOX
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