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    Old 09-02-2009, 07:07 AM   #1
    mindy1974
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    Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

    i have read so many post here today and am so happy to see all-the support that is given-out, i too need so help during this horrible time. i was clean off all drugs for along time and then was in a accident and was put on all my old drugs, i did not want to do it but had no family or money to get alternative help. i was put on ultram mussel relaxor and valum. well the pain has passed and i'm working again but the old depression and flu like symptoms are coming on strong, and thats even before i started to tapper!!! my doctor said to just cut back a little off each one everyday and get ready for hell (truly thats what he said) my sponser from a 12 step program said to just go to meeting and get help. but im reaching out here because i dont trust my doctors tapering advice i need to get some suggestions and help from you guys. i need to check in everyday while i go through this. already the thoughts of hopeless shame and self disgust are filling my head. im so afraid of what the next few weeks of what withdraw are going to look like. my anxiety is through the roof. im a single female with a dog and a tin room that i rent. i dont have family but do have a few friends. i want to go cold Turkey but i know that will end me up in the ER, with no one to help when i get out. can you guys help support me during this, all advice is greatly appreciated and welcome!

    tahnk you,
    derlinda

     
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    Old 09-02-2009, 02:16 PM   #2
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    Hey Sweetheart!

    So good to hear from you again. I have thought about you so often and wondered how you were doing.

    I am so sorry you are going thru this right now! My heart goes out to you and of course I will be here to support you thru this. You do have US! We will stand by your side and help you thru the hard times.

    Please keep us updated on how each day goes.... Posting always helped me when going thru withdrawal....

    You are on my mind and in my heart! HANG IN THERE!
    Hugs!
    __________________
    ~Secrets

     
    Old 09-02-2009, 03:07 PM   #3
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    Hey derlinda... Haven't heard from you in a while. I'm so sorry to hear about your accident and having to take the pain meds again.

    Actually, it appears you have a doctor that knows something about the drugs and withdrawal process. So many are in the dark about what to do. He's right to slowly taper off of each drug, maybe not on a daily basis, but a little each week. Cutting down by 10-20% seems to work well with most people. Even then, some people still get the withdrawal symptoms. I was one of them. I had withdrawals the entire time I was tapering. You just have to keep going forward and work your way through it. I wish we had a magic button to press to make the withdrawals go away, but unfortunately there just isn't one.

    We're here to help you along and going to your 12-step meetings will help also. Wishing the best for you. Good Luck!

     
    Old 09-02-2009, 04:45 PM   #4
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    its so great to be welcomed back from the
    2 of you thank you so much!!!!! just in time! from what i remember--- the last time the emotional part was the hardest and the insomnia. i have been very sad most of the day and really negative thoughts towards myself. i find that the early mornings are the hardest, i thats because i am alone and my mind kicks in right away! i'm going to go to the rec center-and sit in the water and see if that helps calm me down. i went from 5 ultrams to 4 and i will stay on that until i feel a bit better. i think the Valuim tapering is causing most of the depression and neck pain. i went down about 30% off that and will take another jump as soon as i can go without crying at every red light . i think if i forse myself to be with people and get a bit of work done everyday, it will help allot.
    until tomorrow!!
    derlinda

     
    Old 09-02-2009, 06:06 PM   #5
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    You have the right attitude and plan. Staying busy so that you don't dwell on the withdrawals is one of the best things you can do. Exercise also will help. If you have a pool you can use, that is a great way to relieve stress and get exercise at the same time. You're doing things right.

     
    Old 09-02-2009, 06:48 PM   #6
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    Thanks D! Hope the AZ weather is not to hot for ya! Having a hard time getting myself to eat mostly from the depression . Maybe try soup. Night everyone

     
    Old 09-03-2009, 03:12 AM   #7
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    hi guys,

    well i get 4 hours last night, woke up at 2 and was sweating like crazy and my stomach hurt and now the nausea is kicking in. lots of nightmares, i think i was crying in my sleep. honestly when i woke up i wanted to run to the bathroom and search for the valium and just take a bouble dose. i also have to tell on myself because last week while i was taking these meds i went through a friend medicine cabinet look to see if she had anything, she did and i took some. i feel so ashamed about it but i know when im on these drugs i do things i would never do in my normal life, steal , lie and hide, i hate that im capable of that. i have to remember how great it feels when its all over and the sleep and the laughter return. 3 years ago i found benzos and opiates and slipped away into a drug seeking haze for 2 years. after ending up in ER's and the mental ward 2 times i finally was able to get into a rehab for 3 months. it took me 2 moths to come off 12 different medications. it was hell, but because i was around 65 other people going through just what i was doing, some much worse off then me and some much better, i was able to do it. the feeling off being drug free was so powerful. i know i could end up back doing just what i did before but this time i would not have the luxury of a rehab and friends to help, they swore they would leave if i ever did that again. that's why they don't know bout this withdrawal. im going to write alot and stay close because with out your help i will be back on the pill and then in no time drinking, and i know this time it will kill me.

     
    Old 09-03-2009, 04:40 PM   #8
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    Keep on writing to us if that is helping. I have been away from the board a little this week because of my own situation that I'm going through, but I'll try to get on it a few more times a day. You don't want to go through your whole old situation again. Being off of the opiates and benzos (although short lived) was a blessing and that whole drug-induced cloud was lifted and I could feel and enjoy life again. It's a good feeling. Now, I'm worried about how long my pain will linger and if I'm going to have to stay on the opiates again. It scares me to think about the possibility of being on them again and the thought of withdrawals scares me even more. This board has been part of my therapy as well, whether going through withdrawals or trying to help other people.

    The best thing is to take every day one day at a time and make it to the end of the day either not on drugs or taking a little less. Goals really do help. We're always here for anyone who wants to talk.

     
    Old 09-03-2009, 04:47 PM   #9
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    thank you and please know that i am very familiar with what you are talking about, the fear of what might happen and the fear of what is happening. the good news is that we know for a fact we can make it through, we have done it before and we will do it again. i got busy today so i really felt better then yesterday. but now i am watching the clock and obsessing on when i get to take my meds at 8 pm. i just want to sleep this all away. i thought about a drink tonight, but i know every-time i do that i sleep even less and i wake up in a depression much worse then anything i would have had to go through without the booze. just need to tell on my thoughts.
    i will not tapper more tonight, i will do the same as last night and hopefully i will be able to cut back a tiny bit more on friday night.
    thanks!

     
    Old 09-03-2009, 11:09 PM   #10
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    The good thing about my injury and being on the oxy for so long is I gave up drinking. I still have an occasional drink with friends, but for the most part I just don't drink anymore. Tell you the truth... I don't miss it either.

    I'm hurting pretty bad tonight and I did have to take a pill earlier that I thought I would because we were going out to meet friends. I know that my Pain Doc is going to read me the riot act next week when I see him, but I'm not the type of person to sit around an let life go by me. I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can.

    Derlinda, you should set up a schedule of tapering about 10-20% a week and allow time for your body to adjust to each lower dose. I used a calendar to mark the days I would drop my dose down, as a visual goal. You need to set goals during your tapering so you have something to strive towards. Also, remember to reward yourself when you reach goals to make them fun.

    Depression is terrible. Have you talked to your doctor about it and see if they have something to help you? I was on Cymbolta during my recovery and withdrawals and it seemed to help. There are other depression drugs that they may suggest as well. Just keep heading toward your goal! Good Luck!!

     
    Old 09-04-2009, 03:28 AM   #11
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    denon hope you had fun last night, i know that taking the sharp edge off the pain can make us able to be with the people we love and enjoy our life as we should.

    thank you for telling me to make goals and to reward myself every time i reach one, that is a great idea. im so busy beating myself up for even going through this that i never thought of praising myself for doing it, thank you!

    i have a bad response to antidepressants but i do have a old mood stabilizer that i can take if things get really bad, it does not work that well but sometimes it can help, i tried a tiny bit last night and it help me fall asleep ut it brings a bad brain fog with it so i try not to use it much. slept better last night. i am down to a quarter of the 10 ml pill of valium so about 2.5, but the pill cutter is not good so its not a perfect cut. woke up shaky, and my heart was racing but i do feel nauseous yet! yea! im going to try to spend alot of time with people this weekend. i know this sounds like self pity but i really wish i could spend face to face time with someone who i could tell about the withdrawal. meetings help but my closet friend don't know, it makes it feel like a dirty secret and i hate being dishonest but i know how scarred they would be if they knew i was taper of my old drugs of choice, and they would end it with me. so i wil keep taking with yu because i look forward to it right when i wake up. ok time to go scratch my old black labs belly and put on the cartons for him.

    happy friday

    Last edited by mindy1974; 09-04-2009 at 03:30 AM. Reason: spelling

     
    Old 09-04-2009, 03:34 AM   #12
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    FYI_ my spelling and grammer is really bad because i write this from my tiny blackberry!!! so sorry its hard to read at times i write like a 3rd greader

     
    Old 09-04-2009, 02:46 PM   #13
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    Gee - I would think that writing the long post from a Blackberry would be excellent therapy for anyone. :-) Staying busy especially with friends or doing other activities will keep your mind busy so you don't think about what's going on with your tapering. True friends won't care about what you are going through and should be willing to help you out, while others may hold it against you. You do have true friends on the Board and we'll always be here to help out or lend an ear to a thumb-weary, Blackberry-typing colleague.

     
    Old 09-04-2009, 03:36 PM   #14
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    thank you sooo very much,
    had a back slide today. my pain got really bad and just feel sick as a dog. i also have Fibro and its flared up in a huge way because of the stress. i not only took a half instead of the quarter of the valium but i took it 4 hours earler then commited to. i hate the pain and i hate feeling like such a failure. i fell asleep on the floor in my office today for a few minutes and when i woke my neck was all jacked up and the pain is running down my arms. i need to give myself a brake! im not popping handfulls of drugs and washing them down with wine. i'm taking them as directed and im trying to get off them. i have such a huge problem with shame. my dog looks at me funny and i think he knows i'm a loser!! ok now i'm just sounding crazy... sorry.
    im going to go get myself a icecream, pick up a friend and go down town denver and look at art. its free and maybe it will get my mind off of me! denon i so look forward to hearing from you , thanks for keeping me feeling welcomed. i know when i have posted in the past and not had a responce, i went straight into "oh my god even people over the internet know i'm a dork!". thanks...

     
    Old 09-05-2009, 03:21 AM   #15
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    Re: Need Support Again Please, withdrawal:(

    well i sleeped a bit better but i know that is because i took the extra valume, how can such a tiny drug cause so much trouble. i really dont know what is going to happen to me when i start coming off the ultram faster, i cant even think about that it make sme want to check into a rehab just thinking about it. i was taking 5 ultarm but 4 ago went days to 4 and monday i will go to 3.5. i'm having bad cramping in my neck and shoulders and tiny facial tic's. i am thinking its the WD and i just need to HANG in there. i have to remember that i have alot of diffrent stress going on at once and thats making the pain worse and that makes the WD WORSE. last night i had a nice time with a new friend so that got my mind off of me. by the time i got home i was so sleepy and really depressed, woke up the same way. going to take a hot shower, get dressed and take the dog for a swim, that always changes my mood. i feel like i have a long road ahead of me. i just dont want to do it. but i will

    Last edited by mindy1974; 09-05-2009 at 03:27 AM.

     
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