Please help, my cure was my disease, need input/help

calvindoyl

This is a long history for a short question... but this is urgent and very important to me. lol please forgive the biography, I just hope it may possibly be useful to someone remotely familiar with any of this.

I thank anyone in advance for even reading through this. It means a lot to know someone cares, that there are those out there that will help, and know, even by just reading this and making the number of views rise, you are making a difference to me. Any suggestions will be followed up on, and it's quite possible that by making a suggestion, you will be saving a life.

Please note, although this is being written from a first person perspective, it is by no means a definitive account of this registered user's background, history, or habits, and should not be taken as such, whether it is or is not used for legal purposes.

A quick note to those taking opiates, and those trying to quit. Opiates affect your brain, possibly permanently. By substituting artificial pleasure endorphins, your kill your body's natural systems for making you happy. It's possible that they will be repaired, but after you quit you will feel depressed, lonely, unmotivated. This will pass. Therapy with Suboxone and Methadone will help with this feeling. I chose to quit cold turkey. Find support, whether it just be a friend or a support group, and keep in mind. My account is unique. I have multiple mental illnesses, and after years of searching, I have never found anyone that benefited from opiate addiction, or had a reaction like mine. I lost my job, family, and spent around 50000 dollars on drugs. I could have a house, college education, and now i will most likely lose my rented condo. If anyone thinks or feels anything in this that makes them want to do opiates, or try them, LEAVE A NOTE, and i will remove it IMMEDIATELY. I've seen friends die from them and would rather take my own life than ruin someone else's with my words.

My general question will be stated here, any additional info that may be able to help someone will be listed below.

I was recently addicted to opiates, and experienced a near-normal to normal functionality regarding social interaction, motivation, mood stabilization, and professional interaction at my place of employment (claims adjuster for an insurance company... very simple desk job that required H/S education). After a lifetime of medication, opiates are the only thing that has helped and I am interested to know if there are any antidepressants that mimic that same effect that opiates have brought to my life.

BACKGROUND:
Recently, I was addicted to opiates. Everything aside from Heroin, on a mostly daily basis. I suffer from depression, and bipolar disorder, which my parents first started treating with medication when i was 10 (I still consider this to be a mistake, modifying my brain chemistry before adolescence) But, alas, my parents made my decisions. I am now 23, and since have had a hard life. I have a high IQ(160 when I was 9, 120 now) but due to my depression, and I believe the effects that being medicated for most of my life have had for me, I have trouble functioning. I was already aspiring to become a doctor when I was 6 years old, and was in gifted programs up until 11 (the year after the treatment started). I WAS, however, able to get into a gifted high school, passing an entrance exam with flying colors, but my performance there ended in my expulsion. I did not attend college, due to a complete lack of motivation. My opiate abuse started at age 21 and continued until a month ago, at 23 and 6 months. I have seen a plethora of therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists, none of which have helped[/SIZE]


Medication
Majority is unknown prior to my 19th year, but am currently on 300 mg of lamictal, half in the morning, half at night, 100 MG seroquel at night. A recent reduction from a prior regimen of 600 MG lithium carbonate, 600 mg lamictal, 300 mg seroquel, and ambien

Account of differences between pre-opiate use and my time spent on opiates

Before being on opiates, I had not had a single functional relationship... One girlfriend in 21 years, for 3 months, and then 2 months. and she was an alcoholic and the relationship functional only when she was drunk, as sad as that is. I had had very few intimate relations with other women before this. I worked 5 hours a day, which stretched the limits of what I could push myself to do. I rarely cleaned, never did laundry unless it is what i was wearing the next day, and have not been able to pay rent/bills without assistance. I started taking opiates in my 20th year, but it was purely recreational and a rare occurrence, consisting of exclusively codiene and hydrocodone, which, compared to oxycodone and morphine, have an "upper" effect. By the time I turned 21, I was taking 5 loritab 10s every 3-4 days, enjoying the feeling i got while I was on them, but only did that for recreational purposes. I experienced higher than normal (for me) motivation, work ethic, ability to interact socially, increased cognitive function, and no depression whatsoever. I then switched to Oxycodone (Oxycontin, percoset), which put me into a calmer state than the codiene and hydrocodone, which had the effect of strengthening and focusing these effects. In my time on opiates, I have had sexual encounters with 2x to 3x the number of women as in my prior years, and have had relationships that have started with about 5-6 women, ending only when I was not able to get any oxycodone. These women were college educated, some in their masters education.. they were not easy women nor stupid. My understanding of things increased, and I began making plans for my future that only ended with the day or two that I was not taking opiates, and my post-addiction month. While on opiates, I purchased medical textbooks, reading my way though them in independent studies of medicine, holistic medicine, memorizing a decent amount of anatomy and pathology. I assume I may have been able to manage my money better, but I was spending appx $2000-2500 a month on my addiction. Negative effects are minimal, including memory lapses while off, occasional mania, although it was recognized during and post-mania. My decision to quit was a hard one, but since, in the last month, 2 budding relationships have ended, and I have spent most of my time at home. Right now I have unfinished laundry sitting by my side that I have yet to fold. I am aware of the effect opiates have on the receptors of the brain, and the fact that my brain still needs to start producing natural chemicals to recover, but this was how I was even before the opiates took hold. The decision to quit was a hard one, but I am needing to know if there are any antidepressants or alternate medication that may be able to duplicate the effect I experienced on opiates. ANY questions, please feel free to post or email me, I will answer to the best of my ability. Thank you

Afterthought: No matter the amount of knowledge you have, even if you only understand part of this, I still appreciate ANY input or suggestions. I will look into anything that is posted after this, no matter how simple or complex the suggestion is. Also, OPIATES ARE BAD I am not a normal circumstance, It almost always ruins people's lives, i've seen it happen, so be very, very careful with what you do

Anyone with even a brief thought on a site I should go to or forum to refer my question to, please note it here. You more than have my permission to reprint or send to someone that might be able to help. To anyone reading this, make sure to trust yourself over any doctor. Read up on any suggestions of medication for you or your loved ones. My thinking on my situation is that my hyperactivity that resulted on my first prescription to ritalin, then adderol, then a plethora of different meds, was an outlet of a hyperactive, inquisitive mind.. and my parent's choices to try to tweak me into something more acceptable messed up my brain chemistry. Look at any of the sites for any of these meds. Almost, if not all of them, it's still unknown how they affect the brain, find out more about it, and realize that there is a high possibility you may be playing with fire, and a chance that it might permanently affect the brain chemistry, and turn into a crutch for an atrophied mind.

If you need meds, fine... take them. it's better than suicide, I'll be the first to say it. (been there, tried that) but simply to make one more acceptable in society is killing the very thing that makes each of us human, and individual, special and unique. We were born to function a certain way,most if it is programmed in our genetic expression and trying to alter that with medicines that "somehow work" to correct a simple behavioral problem can be dangerous and destroy that. I am fairly sure my depression and bipolar illness was a result of the alteration of my mind at such a young age before it was fully developed, and I will have to bear this cross for the rest of my life. Rapid changes in medicine before adolescence set my mind to consider the rapid changes normal, and after such time, tricked it into acting that way. I hope my story can help me, and serve as a note of caution for anyone considering medicating. I have been to about 6-7 psychologists, and each has their own idea of what I need. Take advice for what it is, not as undeniable truth. Mental illness is an illness, get second, third, fourth opinions as you would for any illness.