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  • Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day



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    Old 01-13-2010, 11:26 AM   #16
    mel486
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Thanks for the update! Glad that you got some sleep. It looks like you are well on the way to recovery. Great job! Just keep moving forward and take it one step, one day at a time.

     
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    Old 02-05-2010, 04:48 PM   #17
    icehouse3z
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Hey guys, Iam back but wish i had better news to give, I did relapse and ended up going back to the oxys and percs, i had my last 2 perc's this morning around 7. the fun is just beginning yet again for me. i dont know why i put myself through this, I was doing so well and starting to feel good and "normal" again, i started using again jan 12th, i took 2 10mg perc's while i was at work, i went from clear headed to a space cadet. the strange thing is was after taking the percs i didnt like how i felt. but the problem was those 2 percs and it started my cycle again. if i would have just stopped then it would have just been a small step back and id be almost a month clean by now. but iam starting the whole process again. i stopped posting because i felt ashamed, everybodys encouraging words helped. for those who have been able to kick this for good i salute you. i used to be a heavy drinker but havent had a drink in 4 years and have no desire for that. its just painkillers, i dont even like the dang things like i did before. well anybody whos gettin ready to withdraw just know im right here in the same boat, pretty sad that i can predict what symptoms to expect, im trying not to get down on myself but i do feel like i let myself down, as well as other people that care about me in my life, ive blocked out most of my friends, i just need to put this bs behind me for good

     
    Old 02-05-2010, 05:06 PM   #18
    icehouse3z
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    thanks for the quick reply downinahole...whats ur situation like now? u dont have give details or even say...just curious

     
    Old 02-05-2010, 05:18 PM   #19
    icehouse3z
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    welp...looks like it'll be diarrhea night with a side of insomnia and body aches....just how i love to spend my friday nights!!

     
    Old 02-05-2010, 06:00 PM   #20
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Hi Ice

    Glad to see you back here and trying.

    Ice, you know what I think? I think you are afraid of living without the pills; afraid of sobriety, Buddy. You meet the edge of sobriety and run back to a pill haze and I think it is as much fear of sobriety even more than it is a fear of being without pills. Sobriety nears and there is a hasty retreat to what might look like a safety zone in pills, but that safety zone is more a fatality zone than any thing else.

    Is there any counseling going on in the plan here? Someone who can help you tiptoe back into sobriety and help you stay there long enough to stop fearing it? It is safe here in sobriety, Ice. Yes, we have to deal with stuff and can not hide from it in a hazy high, but it is really pretty good none-the-less. For me, one of the biggest, most monumental things I learned as I withdrew from the opiates and benzos is that I CAN deal with life. I am very capable of it and it is nowhere near as scary as it had become when I was busy running away from it.

    The withdrawal is hard, Ice, but it is really but a step in reaching the main goal.. sober thinking. We have to get sober thinking in place to truly restore ourselves and we do it by practice. Start, perhaps, by reconnecting with a friend or two. A phone call even is a good start. The isolation we put ourselves into in drug abuse is a big cause of us losing our touch with real life. We need to start moving back into Life step by step to help us remember what is is like. I had to work hard at remembering what kinds of things I used to do automatically ( like sweeping the kitchen floor!). I had to really focus on these kinds of things because I was so out of any routine except being foggy and seeking sleep.

    I want you to make it, Ice. With all my heart, I want you to make it. And so do you, Buddy, or you would not keep trying again and again. Let's do it this time. Let's do it. As you go through the withdrawals, start planning on the steps you are going to take to prepare yourself for re-entry. DO IT!

    Hugs
    reach

     
    Old 02-05-2010, 07:14 PM   #21
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    hey ICE and all --just got caught up on the story --thanks for thinking of me when I was in "rehab" :-) Ice --i am proud of you for coming back on here and posting a relapse. Its not an excuse for it, BUT it is part of the process. we HOPE and HOPE that once will be enough, but addiction is a very serious disease with no certain path for its cure. We all have to find the right path and RELAPSE sometimes is part of all of our paths. I had 6 of them, each time getting worse and deeper into my addiction. i made a huge commitment this time going away from my family. Rehab was a HUGE and hopefully final piece of my puzzle. i learned that the addiction was not my fault. it was what I was brought up to do from my parents and my parents parents. Traumas at an early age set me in a straight path for pills. We can beat this. I feel that the key to ALL ADDICTIONS is a daily connection to the disease. NA, AA, sponsors, reading, online, friends. ALL of these things keep us honest with ourselves. It when we listen to ourselves and the STINKIN THINKIN --thats when we get in trouble. Every relapse I ever had was because i listened and convinced myself that what I was thinking was right. I learned over the last few months (60 days clean coming soon) that I can not trust my thoughts for a long time. I ask everyone that i love, is this the right thing to do? Relapse happens WAY before taking the drug. it starts with planning and rationalizing, accepting, getting and BANG --there we are again. Think about it this way --Could you ever safely take an OPIATE again? what is the real answer.? broken arm --bad tooth, surgery, --i know it sucks BUT we cant do it. my last relapse was NOT because I wanted to take opiates. I was 6 months clean and got Pneumonia. the first DR wanted to give me opiate cough syrup. I said NO. the second DR a week later tried to give me opiate cough syrup, I said yes --BANG ---slowly that started the cycle all over again. 7 months later i was in rehab. crazy, but true. dont deny anymore, just accept and remember how goo it feels to wake up with NO WORRIES or WD. its a great feeling bud.

    YOO CAN DO THIS--come join us.

    D
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    Old 02-06-2010, 12:46 AM   #22
    icehouse3z
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Thanks reach and fullcircle, both of your posts have helped. The main thing is i really DO want to kick this and for good. Reach your right about me being afraid of sobriety, how you figured that out i dont know. I need to realize that i can go through life without the pills. for the fist 23 years of my life i never used a painkiller and was able to go through life fine, yea i had my ups and downs, but we all do and i was able to handle it fine then and i know i can again without the drugs....i just need to give it a chance, the pills are an emotion killer. I really need to get in touch with other outlets like NA, find somebody i can call or somethin. I knew that this last time around, and when i was really starting to feel better i should have used that time to make some phone calls, i live in southern CA i know theres a ton of NA groups etc. Anyway I am grateful to this board and to everyone on here. Its great to hear the success stories, i just read yours fullcircle (60 days is awesome!) congrats on that and thanks for your words as well. I'll keep updating, nite.

     
    Old 02-06-2010, 10:27 AM   #23
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Hey Ice

    I am not a clairvoyant who figured our the fear of sobriety... I am just a woman who has lived through it. Smiles.

    I read about relapses here and while I did not have relapses, I think my behaviour was far worse. I had very lucid warnings that I was getting out of control and just tried to hide from them, ignore them, block them. I would light a cigarette and then pass out. I would wake later and find a whole burned in a rug or table. It would scare the hell out of me thinking I could have killed my husband who was peacefully sleeping, totally unaware of the danger to him. And you know what I would do? I would put the cigarettes in another room and then pop some Xanax and Oxycodone and try to block the entire episode from my mind.

    The blocking didn't work well because I knew in my subconscious and my heart that these pills were doing far more harm and good to me. However, I just kept pushing those fears down like I had pushed a million other tough emotions down over the years. I pushed away every single friend who tried to stay in touch with me. I didn't want anyone to expect anything of me at all. I wanted to hide in my little cozy drug haze and pretend all was right with my world when all was so very screwed up and wrong. It is a coping skill that just does not work forever and when it starts to fail is when we have to face up and deal with everything.

    How much easier life is now that I deal with issues as they come up. I don't delay the inevitable anymore. Things will catch up eventually and then we have tons to deal with instead of a single issue.

    So, Ice, while I technically did not have relapses, I, too, delayed finding sobriety and restoration and wasted so much time in doing so... and for the same reasons as you and most everyone else here. While our individaul circumstances may differ, we are all connected by the damn fear. And what useless purpose fear serves! It merely keeps us trapped in its grip and prevents us from being who God meant us to be.

    Sobriety is so much more than just not using. It is a renewal of our ability to think and to learn again how to move forward in life here. It is scary as we take those beginning steps back into Life and participating. Forcing ourselves to face that fear and do it anyway leads us to a place again where it feels natural to live each day. It is a good feeling, Ice. And it will come with time and practice. Funny to think we have to practice living, but that really is what is involved.

    Use all the resources....Na, friends, family, counselors....that surround us and care about us to find the way back. Make growing spiritually and emotionally a prioruty and things begin to fall in place. Coming out of adiction and into sobriety is much like becoming a baby again. We learn with new eyes and ears and hearts to re-enter the world with the excitment we had so long ago.

    Stay strong in these things you are working on, my friend. Trust that your life will be renewed and restored and happy again.

    Hugs
    reach

     
    Old 02-06-2010, 11:00 AM   #24
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    I really needed to hear that reach, iam having an aweful time today, i should be out enjoying life right now , im really trying to stay positive but today is a butt kicker to the max, w/d's in full effect, will write back later

     
    Old 02-06-2010, 07:57 PM   #25
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    tomorrow will be day 2, i forced myself to go to the store cuz i was out of everything, i barely made it. iam having some nausea this time around that i didnt really have the last go around.

     
    Old 02-07-2010, 08:10 AM   #26
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    just a quick update, im at 50 hours since taking any opiates. i think i feel a little better, i slept a little better than i thought, very broken sleep though, an hour here then wake up, but most the time im tossing and turning. with w/d's have been a little different this time, i was sneezing and blowing my nose all day yesterday and a little today, and have had bouts of slight nausea from time to time.

    -Ice

     
    Old 02-08-2010, 07:55 AM   #27
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Wow Ice!

    GOOD FOR YOU! I can't imagine what you have gone thru. It will start to get better from here on out... That was a large dose, so it's just amazing you have been able to get to this point. YOU ARE SO MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU COULD EVER KNOW! Stronger than me, there is not doubt about that.

    Please keep updating us... TAKE HOT BATHS before bed... that does help! I used to take like 5 a day when detoxing.

    Blessings!
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    Old 02-08-2010, 08:19 AM   #28
    icehouse3z
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    thanks secrets, im determined to beat this FOR GOOD!! yes these past few months especially have been absolute hell for me im not gona sugar coat it, but i know theres others in the same boat as me, yes the hot water helps i took a hot shower and it really helped. take care

     
    Old 02-08-2010, 08:40 AM   #29
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    I bet his has been a nightmare. This situation we have all gotten ourselves into is so horrific. It will and does get better. I know that from experience, I am sure you do too.

    It sounds to me like you are really determined to kick this!!!! Keep posting because I swear it helped me and still does. I fight cravings daily and I just know that with each day this will get better. SO hang in there buddy!
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    Old 02-08-2010, 06:14 PM   #30
    icehouse3z
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    ya its insane the cycle, i think all the time why am i doing this to myself?? its crazy not the way to deal with life and i realize that. you should be proud of yourself as well secrets, i wana be where you and reach are someday

     
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