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    Old 02-08-2010, 06:24 PM   #31
    reachout
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Hi Ice

    So good to see you still working it here. You are so able to do this, my friend. If the long road has done anything for you, it has gained you knowledge and experience. Understanding the process of withdrawal makes it easier to get through... not pleasant, but easier because we understand what our body is doing to restore itself.

    Ice, you do not, and probably should not, have to wait until all the symptoms pass before moving on here a bit into starting aftercare. Go look up some meetings, Ice, and try to start making some. Go buy or get from the library, the Big Book. Although oringinally written for alcoholics, it is all pertinent to drug addicts also. Start working it. Same as you have to force yourself to go out and get food, force yourself to start taking the needed steps to find how to think sober.

    Ice, once we start to think sober, so much fear leaves us. In its place comes hope. Oh, man, so much hope! That hope spurs us on to want to keep reaching for sobriety, for restoration and renewal of ourselves. Claim it for your own. It is waiting for you.

    Stay with us. We can work together through the good and the bad. get in touch with the live people at meetings because they are going to walk beside you also. The isolation stops now, Ice. So many are waiting to walk with you if only you will allow it. I am one of the many, Ice.

    With hope
    reach

     
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    Old 02-09-2010, 12:33 AM   #32
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Reach...everytime you respond to me it lifts me up no matter how bad iam feeling whether its from w/d or shame and guilt from relapse.... and makes me want to fight this harder. When i posted this thread almost exactly 1 month ago i knew you would read my story and and encourage me...i just knew it. I've been a lurker for along time on the site and have read many of your posts, you have a big heart and i know you care and that means alot. Two of your postings #21 and #24 really got me and helped me look at the big picture, you really got me to think hard and took a good look at myself from the inside out.

    I will check out that book tomorrow on my lunch break at the library. the real me will be back, unlike in the past im realizing i do have a fear of sobriety because ive been on the drugs for such a long time.i also need another outlet as far as support as you said, i thought in the past so many times....oh i can do this by myself....i now know that i cannot. the person i used to be before all this started will be back.

     
    Old 02-09-2010, 08:40 AM   #33
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Good Morning Ice

    It was good to read your post here this morning... good to hear the determination and hope in you. When I first came to this board I was so lost and on the verge of just giving up ever feeling like my old self again. There was no joy in my life at all, no real hope left in me.... I had stopped living and was just existing. Miserable.

    I met a man here on the Board named Philster. He swore to me that I would get through the withdrawals. Even more than that, he swore that I would have happiness and joy in my life again. Joy and happiness again??? Could I truly have those things again? Ice, I clung to those words and in them I found the strength and determination to get through the withdrawal and reach for joy and happiness. From that point on, I began to view every rotten symptom of withdrawal as a symptom of healing, a symptom of restoration. Philster was clean, Philster had joy and happiness again, Philster had what I wanted so badly. There was no reason for him to make these things up and so, there was no reason for me not to have hope that these things were possible for me, too.

    And this is what I want to pass on to you.... that joy and happiness are attainable, that we can laugh hearty again with true abandon, that we can find again the pleasure lof iving without the pills, that we can lose our fear.

    You wrote in your post:

    you really got me to think hard and took a good look at myself from the inside out

    No truer words were ever written! We must look at ourselves from the inside out in order to truly heal from the hell of addiction. It is from our deep insides that the disease began and it is from there that healing takes place. It can be a painful process as we do this, but it is this process that we must go through in order to understand fully how we came to find ourselves lost in drug haze. We do this and then we are able to move forward into sober thinking. We are able to evalutae what we do without fear and we are able to make the changes we need to make in ourr behaviour, in our responses to life.


    You know, Ice... all the good pieces of you have not disappeared. Many of them are evident in reading your posts. You are a caring man... you care about others and are able to encourage them. You care about yourself and want to rid yourself of this deceiving little monkey on your back. You are practicing stepping away from your isolation by way of this board. As you move forward, you will start to take more daring steps and begin to rid yourself of isolation from real, live people. It is then that you will be well on your way to sharing all the wonderful parts of you with the world again.

    Stay stong, Ice. There is so much good waiting for you.

    Hugs
    reach

     
    Old 02-11-2010, 02:21 AM   #34
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    having a hard time sleeping, thank you reach, ive said it a million times but i mean it. your a big part of my healing process. youve allowed me to see things inside myself that i could not due to the drug haze...your a sober thinker. also i read about your tapering process. wow that must have taken alot of strength and courage. i personally could not taper, if i had the pills around me id take em. you made it to the greener pastures and i cant wait to meet up with you there soon. *smiling and waving at ya*

     
    Old 02-11-2010, 02:56 PM   #35
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Hi Ice

    Buddy, I truly appreciate your kind words to me. It is a blessing to be able to help someone else out of this nightmare. It was a horrible shock to me right into my very depths to find myself so wrapped up in the pills. I had so much to learn about addiction, about myself. It was honestly a time of revelation for me. I was knocked so hard on my butt and wasn't sure I would ever get up again. With help, I did. Now, when I can share what I have learned to help someone else get up, I do it with a full heart. There are some words from an old song that play in my head sometimes...

    "I will pass this way but once, If there's any good thing I can do, Let me do it now, For I may never pass this way again."

    I have always liked those words, but once I got clean and felt so renewed and restored in my mind and body again, they took on a deeper feeling of truth for me. Yes, I do feel like I have reached 'greener pastures' and there is nothing more rewarding than welcoming company here.

    I am glad we are friends. Friends care about each other. We want the best for each other.

    Stand tall, stay strong
    reach

     
    Old 02-13-2010, 10:55 AM   #36
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    feelin a little down today but tryin to stay strong

     
    Old 02-14-2010, 06:22 AM   #37
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Good Morning Ice

    Hope you woke today feeling a bit better. The depression that comes was sure one of my least favorite part of this whole process. Mine would show itself in non-stop crying for periods of time. I would sob with no control and it was exhausting and frustrating. I really, really hated it. There was no stopping it regardless of what I tried. I finally just learned to give in to it because I had no choice. I accepted it as just a part of the process of healing. In hindsight, I think it happens ( the depression itself) for a couple of reasons. First, because the brain has become aware of the lack of feel good elements in it when we take away the drugs and the last remnants in our bodies are gone. Second, I think it is a way for the brain to kind of quick start production again of the chemicals it needs to make us feel okay. It's like we have created a voracious appetite for the needed chemicals and the depression signals the brain to get working at it again.

    When I would feel it starting to erupt in me, I would try and distract it by getting busy with something... I played a lot of Solitaire whichj was pretty mindless but helped not to think about how bad I was feeling. Also, physical movement is a great help. Sweeping, raking leaves, walking or, if one is able, running. Movement can be soothing.

    I actually journaled the first couple of months and charted everything. This included the bouts of crying, the times of sleep, the times of feeling okay as well as my pill dosage. It helped me a lot to look back at this journal and see in black and white that the miserable periods of time were slowly becoming less frequent and shorter in duration. I could not always grasp that when I was in the midst of feeling crummy so actually seeing it writen down was a reminder that I was feeling better slowlly, baby steps at a time.

    I know how hard it can be to be strong during this time, but we can do it, you can do it. Tell that depression to "Bring it on, baby, cause I am not afraid of you." It is the brain healing and the goal is full healing and restoration. All a part of the process, Ice, and the process does come to an end.

    Try to get a walk in today. Even a walk around the block or around a store for a few minutes. Force yourself to do it. A sense of accomplishment will come because you were successful in functioning despite the feelings. Baby steps. They add up and the time will come when we can take full strides.

    Talk again soon
    reach

     
    Old 02-14-2010, 10:04 AM   #38
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    your a godsend reach, each one of your posts is exactly what i need to hear at the time. you really helping me alot through this time in my life , happy valentines day

     
    Old 02-14-2010, 10:09 PM   #39
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Heya Ice

    I am having a rough time trying to fall asleep tonight. Thought I would spend a moment and check in on you in the wee hours of the morning here. Hope you are getting some sleep tonight.

    Sometimes I get irritated when I can not fall asleep... I am restless a lot of times. Who knows why? However, tomorrow will come and be a new day regardless. That's a good thing. Each day we get to start anew and strive for our life's goals. Tomorrow I have a real biggie... some grocery shopping. Chuckles. I am going with my Mom and we always have a good time together. We laugh our heads off the whole time. When I was a young teen, I was always embarrassed when I had to go out with my Mom. Dope that I was... now I love spending time with her. Nothing special has to be going on, just ordinary, everyday stuff.

    It is nice, Ice, when our lives get back to ordinary. We work, we eat, we shop, we talk with friends and family. The drama is gone. Calmness takes over. I will never begrudge ordinary routine again. Funny how hard I had to work at finding an ordinary routine for myself when the withdrawal was over. At first I really struggle to try and think what I could or should be doing. For so long I had spent each day struggling to make it through my job and then just get home, take my pills and try to crash. I just wanted to block the whole world out.

    As I recovered from the narcotics, I would sometimes find myself standing stock still and thinking, "What do I do?" Things that had one time been automatic became things I now had to consciously think to do.. like empty the dishwasher, do some laundry. I had just nicely given up doing any of these things and left it all in my husband's hands. Pretty thoughtless and rotten of me, huh?

    Those times are behind me now, though. I do what I am capable of doing and depend on Hubby to do what I can't. The difference now i that instead of running away feeling guilty for all his help, I can now truly appreciate his help and know we are working as a team again.

    Humph. I don't know where all that came from. Smiles. I just let my fingers have their way with the keyboard and that is what came out. Not sure if it was a helpful sharing or not!

    Well, I am going to see if Mr Sandman is ready to visit me yet. I am really so tired. Take care of yourself, Ice. There is a lot of living for you to do.

    Manana
    reach

     
    Old 02-16-2010, 06:03 PM   #40
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Ice

    Where are you, Buddy? Check in when you can, okay?

    reach

     
    Old 02-16-2010, 07:36 PM   #41
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    So great to hear you did it.I know you dont know me,but i was an addict for 15 years.Im clean and sober 3 years.and proud of me you'll see everyday your clean it gets better and better its a wonderful great feelig.

     
    Old 02-17-2010, 06:51 PM   #42
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Ice

    What's happening in your life??? Share.

    reach

     
    Old 02-19-2010, 07:54 AM   #43
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Hi guys sorry i havent been on much, been busy with work, everybodys going good, theres a new girl in my life and shes real special to me already, even more motivation to get clean now which is great. well murphys law has kicked into full effect but im not gona look at it like that or in any negetive way. ive had a toothache for awhile and went to the dentist where they said i need a root canal. i new i would be offered vicodin so right off the bat i told them i didnt want any painkillers only antibotics, so thats what i god. the dentist said actually the best painkillers for tooth pain or at least in my case is anti inflammitories. im hangin tough, but ive been spendin alot of time with this girl. i really like her and she feels the same so thats been nice, TGIF! ill write more later gota go to work

     
    Old 02-19-2010, 08:17 AM   #44
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    Hey Ice

    Wow, couldn't be better news to hear from you! I guess I kind of feel like an old mother hen about you and well, you know what thoughts were going through my mind I am sure. Smiles. I am SO glad the worries were for naught.

    A new girl. Now, what a great incentive! Ironic... I feared you were isolating here and bang! You were doing the farhtest thing from it. Chuckles and a big grin.

    And the dentist experience. Proud of you. I swear the tooth problems are almost like a given every time one of us hits a point of getting clean. Same happened to me... horrible toothache. I used oil of clove for the pain and aspirin. At the point where I was when it happened, the choice had to be to deal with the pain with no drugs. Not pleasant, but we can live through it.

    Enjoy your day. The baby steps are starting to turn into small strides. Please remember that aftercare is still a big need. However strong you are feeling now, some meetings will only ensure that the strength continues.

    Rooting for you
    reach

     
    Old 02-19-2010, 02:24 PM   #45
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    Re: Day 4 cold turkey from 400mg+ oxy per day

    "Rooting" for the man with the toothache! that was kind of funny! I am sure no pun was intended Reach!

     
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