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sweetlove88 04-22-2010 03:22 PM

I just need some help with this....
Hello, my name is Ashlee, im 21 & a proud mother of a beautiful baby girl. Im new at this but i need help so i figured i'd give it a try. I have been an opiate addict {pain killers} for 9 years and a herion addict for 4 months now. Back in June of 07' my doctor prescribed me Suboxone. At frist i was on 3 8mgs a day. It honest to God worked. For the frist time i felt like i really had a chance of beating this thing. I ended up getting pregnant with my daughter and after she was born needless to say i relasped. Up until Spet of 09' i only used pain killers, In Oct i was introduced to herion. I was working at a night club and didnt have any pills, this girl came up and offered it. From that point on i was hooked, But it scared me so i went into a trement center in Nov 09'. i wanted it (herion) so bad though that i left in dec. But for the record, I believe that treatment centers (rehabs) really do help if you let them. I learned so much about myself but i wasnt ready. Finally in Feb 2010 i was ready, i went into a 5 day detox {detoxed off the drugs with suboxone} and moved in with my parents when i came home. Since then I have been taking Suboxone every day but i've been buying them off the streets {no insurance}, Like i said befor when i take it, its been the closes time in my life that ive ever really been sober. The problem in running into now, is that i need suboxone everday, im bi-polar, i have very low self-estem and deal with alot of depression. When im not not the on the Suboxone, i go thru mad withdrawls such as insomnia, mood changes, nausea, muscule & bone pain, extrem irritabitily, chills, sweats & horrible shaking all over my body. But when i take the Suboxone these things dont happen and i can wake up, take care of my baby and go about my day. My parents have been a great support system, and to a degree there very understanding, but they think its time for me to get off the Suboxone, plus i think because of the way i get them {off the streets} that they think im trying to replace one drug for another. My parents & i have agreed that they are to give me my medicine because i know for a fact i will just abuse it. But that has reached its ending point. If i continue to take the Suboxone {after i run out of what i have} then i can not live with them and i will be on my own. I know they just want whats best for me and they have been by my side every step of the way and i want to be completly drug-free but im so fresh into my recovery that i dont want to go insane and im terrified of the withdrawls. I have to be able to get up with my daughter and im no good to her if i cant get out of bed or im losing my mind. Im not sure what to do at this point so im asking for help, What should i do????
Thank you. * Ashlee

RJW1966 04-23-2010 02:52 PM

Re: I just need some help with this....
Yes, you certainly are replacing one drug with another. But I say, so what? The most important thing you need to do is get yourself in a position to be there for that child.
If sub helps you begin down the path towards getting your life back then isn't that a better choice? From what you have written I don't think you will be successfull on short term sub usage. Get your parents to help get you to a doctor that will script the subs to you legally and do your best to stay on them, and off the other opioids until you are well enough, and strong enough emotionally to deal with life without the crutch of the subs.


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