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  • I can't stop using alcohol as a crutch

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    Old 06-03-2010, 04:57 PM   #1
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    I can't stop using alcohol as a crutch

    Hi, I just joined this forum because I think I might be an alcoholic and I don't know how to control it.

    I'm 19 and a university student, and at first it wasn't a problem, being away from home was exciting for everyone, we were all getting drunk all the time, uni was just one massive party. Something changed, I don't know how or what, but suddenly I just felt like I couldn't enjoy myself or deal with anything without being drunk. Literally. When there's something I have to do, which makes me nervous or worried in anyway, I just think to myself, I know, I'll get ******, that'll make it easier to deal with.

    I'm back at home for the summer now, but for the past 2 months I was barely going out or seeing anyone, I just spent all my time sitting in my room on my own getting drunk. I'd get through probably 2 litres of vodka a week, and only left my room when I absolutely had to. I miss this. I really miss drinking whenever I'm not, and I think about it all the tie and when I'm next going to drink. I can't do it so much at home because of my parents. I can't wait to get back to uni in september so I can live my life how I choose and get drunk whenever I feel like. I know this is wrong.

    I've been depressed for the last 4/5 years, and I drink a lot because I have this notion in my head that the drunker I get, the happier I'll get. Its never really worked out, but I stick at it. I always drink to get drunk, except when I'm at home. At home i drink almost every night, but its just a few glasses of wine, but at uni its whole bottles of vodka, and I'd never dream of just stopping at tipsy. I aim to get so drunk I pass out.

    I don't know how to have conversations sober, I hate it. I hate people. I hate myself and my life and how pathetic I am and how I'm too afraid to get help. I have scars on my thigh from self harming and I hate them. I hate that I did that to myself and have ruined my body forever, but I know that I'll do it again.

    I've always been quiet and shy, but now I have alcohol to use and a crutch and I just can't bring myself to stop. I like being drunk, and I don't know how I can feel happy or in control or relaxed sober.

    I'm not even sure what I'm hoping to acheive by posting this nonsense here, I guess I just want someone to tell me the things I don't want to hear.

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    Old 06-08-2010, 08:23 PM   #2
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    Re: I can't stop using alcohol as a crutch

    rabbithole - First of all, it's not nonsense!! It's MAJOR that you recognize your behavior as abnormal - even bigger that you're reaching out for support. Something I've learned in my experience is that no one can tell you or decide for you if you're an alcoholic or if you have a problem with drinking. I can share my experience with you, maybe it can help.

    I started to realize that I had a drinking problem when I started feeling some of the same things you are. I began having trouble socializing without being drunk, I felt angry and irritated when I couldn't get drunk, and I realized that I wasn't drinking to get a buzz anymore, I was drinking to black out.

    In my life, it took a long time to come to terms with being an alcoholic, but when I finally did, I also discovered that here's hope. There IS life without alcohol, there's even a life when I don't miss drinking or even think much about it anymore. This July I'll have one year of sobriety, and life is better now than it ever was before. If you ever want to talk or if there's anything I can do for you, please feel free to get in touch.

    Best Wishes,

    Old 06-09-2010, 06:43 PM   #3
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    Re: I can't stop using alcohol as a crutch

    yea man you say you know its not normal so there you go. you need rehab or soemthing dont be embaressed. youll be more embaressed when your still 40 and an alcoholic. beleive me theres funner things out there. do good for yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pleasse!! honestly atlest your calling out for help you know you need it and thats awesome. thats the first step

    Last edited by 700xx; 06-09-2010 at 06:43 PM.

    Old 06-19-2010, 05:46 PM   #4
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    Re: I can't stop using alcohol as a crutch

    Hi, intherabbithole,

    Have you been to see anyone as to whether you have clinical depression? I've had clinical depression, and when in such a state, I can barely get motivated to brush my teeth - I can't imagine trying to apply myself to something like giving up daily drinking. And I know that while the sensation of drinking while depressed isn't one of relief so much as making the condition a tiny bit more bearable, even this small comfort is difficult to voluntarily give up.

    If you haven't already done so, I hope you'll be able to find and use the means to be screened for clinical depression and, if so diagnosed, treated. Excessive drinking and depression are two conditions that feed into each other, and battling them calls for a holistic approach.

    Been there, and have gotten through it.

    Last edited by FancyKetchup; 06-19-2010 at 05:49 PM.

    Old 06-19-2010, 11:02 PM   #5
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    Re: I can't stop using alcohol as a crutch

    Oh how your story rings true to me.. You just described my situation nearly word for word. I made a thread very similar to this on here about a month ago if you want to dig it up and read what others had to say to me.

    We're not alone, young female binge drinking is a common occurrence. Ever read the book "Smashed"? That book really hit home for me, I can relate to every single one of her stories. I would highly recommend it. I saw so much of myself in her and it really shook me up reading her stories and knowing I'm no better off than she was if not worse, and yet it didn't impact me enough to quit (or at least learn to drink in moderation) successfully. But maybe it'll help you.

    I don't know what to say other than offer my comfort and understanding. I have tried so many things to quit. But I honestly can't wrap my head around a life without alcohol. It absolutely dominates my social scene.

    If you ever want to have someone to talk to about this, I'm here. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about it. I can't bring myself to tell any of my friends/family about my drinking problem.

    Last edited by GatorGirl916; 06-19-2010 at 11:05 PM.

    Old 06-20-2010, 12:20 PM   #6
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    Re: I can't stop using alcohol as a crutch


    How are you doing? Can you post back and let us know how you are?

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