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Addiction and debt...what would YOU do?




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Old 11-22-2010, 02:56 PM   #1
corissa3
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Addiction and debt...what would YOU do?

Last year I was involved in a motor vehicle accident. I sustained 3 herniated discs and was not able to continue to run my business.

Prior to the accident, I received a personal loan from a friend which was paid religiously month after month. In fact, this loan was paid for several months post accident until my savings ran dry.

I was arrested for narcotics (again, best day of my life) possession 3 months ago which led to my sobriety.

Here's the deal. I physically can't work due to the injuries I sustained. No one argues this fact as I receive weekly injections, numerous dr visits and MRI proof of the injuries. BUT....I also can't work due to my bail restrictions.

The friend is fully aware of my situation regarding my injuries and is aware that the moment the money is paid (insurance payout) and in my hands, I will repay the outstanding amount owing (plus interest) which seems to me to be fair but I am being treated so poorly by this "friend".

I will receive a call or text asking for updates or if I have any money etc....

I am so not used to being in this situation. I am not a bad person nor would i ever turn my back on someone who (at the time) was so generous and kiind to help me when I needed it but it's undue stress.....now a little brief history.

This "friend" has atleast 3-4 million dollars in savings (minimum). The only reason i mention it is its not like they are counting on this for basic survival...its now apparent that it's greed. If this person needed the money to live, I would do any and everything to repay the loan even if it means I could suffer permanently.

Im basically saying that I don't believe there is a way of ever proving that I can't work because of the arrest and drug problem although no one and I mean no one ever knew I had a problem.

sorry if this doesnt make sense, im just upset.

 
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Old 11-22-2010, 03:50 PM   #2
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Re: Addiction and debt...what would YOU do?

I have been on the other side of this story only with family. Two times I've loaned money. One was only $1k, the other was substantial. Neither paid me back. Since it was family I kept my mouth shut and learned the lesson. In both cases the excuse that came back to me (through other family members) is that I didn't need the money. That was true at the time. Irrelevant, but true. In the years since I have been cleaned out by paying for years of private care for our Mom who has Alzheimer. My choice, but my financial situation has changed DRAMATICALLY and now I think of the money they never paid me as amounting to X number of months of Mom's care. What didn't matter then, in their opinion, really matters now. But time has faded their memories and I'm sure they don't give it a thought.

While I understand your point, that you believe your friend doesn't really 'need' the money, try not to use that argument. It infuriated me. I saved, I funded my own college, I worked 60 hour weeks for years....and that was used against me as reason to not pay me back. I'd have rather they just said 'we bent you over, enjoy it'. Maybe you friend inherited all his/her cash. I'm sure the details are totally different. But I also need to vent and the point is that their not needing the cash isn't the point.

Now, to your side, I actually sympathize. I would not be calling you in the circumstances that you give. But they are. And unfortunately, I think you have to suck it up. Be as polite as you can be understanding that you are irritated. I only have two suggestions. If you have something in writing, would it be possible to add a rider to it saying what you have said here..that as soon as you receive payment from the insurance, you will pay your person with 72 hours (or some such time frame?). Maybe if they had something else in writing it would calm them down even if it's not a promise for full payment but a sum, plus a return to regular payments.

The other thought, and this is without having any idea of the sum of money involved, but if it's a large amount and "worth the effort", do you have anything you could give as collateral. An item or jewelry you could afford to part with? As always, get this in writing that they are to hold the item until you have the cash. This is a long shot idea but you never know what might work for someone.

I feel for your circumstance. And as an aside, congratulations on the sobriety. No idea if this will help you any but try not to take it too personally. You are doing the best you can and it sounds like it will iron itself out with the insurance settlement. Hopefully that won't take too much longer so you can get on with things. Good luck.

 
Old 11-22-2010, 04:08 PM   #3
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Re: Addiction and debt...what would YOU do?

"They can afford it, they don't need the money" ... I too HATE hearing that when someone owe ME money. It's no ones business if I need it or I can afford it. I knew by making that statement, some might take it in the wrong context.

When I say they can afford it or they don't need the money, I am saying from a "friendship" point of view (if that makes any sense). When I borrowed the money, I had turned my business around and money was coming in. I borrowed the money for a machine necessary to increase productivity. The "friend" was not loaning the money without something in return. I was given a 1.5% reduction in rates lower than the bank. It was a $73,000 loan. I currently owe $21,000.

I said the above meaning as a friend and when things were good, it was a non issue to loan the money but now it has turned ugly. It was their knowledge of the drugs that turned it that way. It's at the point that no matter what I say or do, it's a lie or a stall tactic etc. I couldn't live with myself if I ever stiffed him. But I now know he is not a friend but I was jsut another avenue for him to make money.

 
Old 11-23-2010, 02:02 PM   #4
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Re: Addiction and debt...what would YOU do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by corissa3 View Post
But I now know he is not a friend but I was jsut another avenue for him to make money.
I am always hesitant to enter business deals with good friends. Deals go bad, someone gets stiffed, and friendships sour. It happens all the time.

Honestly, what you've described (in your second post) sounds a lot more like a business arrangement then a friend helping a friend. In which case, he's justified in treating it like a business arrangement. I think you're lucky he has not pursued legal action.

You should also treat it like a business arrangement, and not play into the "friendship" thing. What can you offer him now? Installment payments? A promissory note secured by collateral? Proceeds from another lending source.

Not to be harsh, but he served as your lending source instead of a bank, and now he's expecting to be treated like the bank. You can't play the "friendship" card at the bank.

 
Old 11-23-2010, 07:42 PM   #5
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Re: Addiction and debt...what would YOU do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by caberg View Post
I am always hesitant to enter business deals with good friends. Deals go bad, someone gets stiffed, and friendships sour. It happens all the time.

Honestly, what you've described (in your second post) sounds a lot more like a business arrangement then a friend helping a friend. In which case, he's justified in treating it like a business arrangement. I think you're lucky he has not pursued legal action.

You should also treat it like a business arrangement, and not play into the "friendship" thing. What can you offer him now? Installment payments? A promissory note secured by collateral? Proceeds from another lending source.

Not to be harsh, but he served as your lending source instead of a bank, and now he's expecting to be treated like the bank. You can't play the "friendship" card at the bank.

I agree.

The friendship is done. That's apparent. I'm in a position that I cannot work nor borrow from any other source. I am relying on my settlement and back pay for wages to plow through the next few years.

I met with him this morning and I went over what I am to expect in the next few months. He is expecting that I hand over $12,000 when I am only in arrears of $2500.

I will repay the outstanding amount plus 3 months in advance and continue my monthly payments as if this never happened but with 2 kids.....this "friend" has put himself and his money above the welfare of my kids.

Its incredible that this person thinks I can pull money out of thin air.

 
Old 11-24-2010, 07:52 PM   #6
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Re: Addiction and debt...what would YOU do?

I agree that some of this is ridiculous. Some is just bad luck.

Unless he has something in writing that says the absence of payments allows him to call the whole loan, then he is way over the line. What you are offering, to pay up + 3 months, then resuming payments at schedule seems fair and logical.

It's a pity when you lose friends. But it's kind of like the family I have lost over the issues I've had. I have to face the fact that they were not really my family to begin with or they would not have treated me the way they did. So I try to keep the lose in perspective. Not all that much.

 
Old 11-25-2010, 10:59 AM   #7
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Re: Addiction and debt...what would YOU do?

Hello Corissa

I have been following this thread for a bit. I am sorry for the circumstances you have found yourself in with your friend. I would liketo offer a bit of a different perspective if I may. It is offered without judgement or harshness.

I believe your friend lent the money based to a large degree of what he saw in you as a friend... there had to be a large degree of trust in the friendship to lend that amount of money. After the drug arrest, I would personally lose a lot of trust in you. I would be hurt and angry thinking that perhaps I had been played for a fool. I would be really wondering if my loan had truly been for business or partly to fund a drug habit.

Have you ever apologized to your friend for putting his money in jeopardy? Have you ever apologize for the circumstances that probably broke his faith in you?

Sometimes we have to step outside the box and try and walk in another's shoes. While you are angry and hurt that he does not seem to care about you or your family, he may also be experiencing hurt, feeling he was betrayed.

When I became clean, I apologized to all who were impacted by my drug use. I apologized and thanked them for the times they were there for me.

We are where we are each day. You can not make money magically appear when it just isn't there. He can not make it appear by hounding you. It is what it is. It is sadder losing the bonds of a good friendship than it is losing money. That, however, is hard to see when anger interupts the view.

I hope amends can be made between the two of you. Do what you can to help the nager abate.

Wishing you well
reach

 
Old 12-01-2010, 09:57 PM   #8
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Re: Addiction and debt...what would YOU do?

that's what money is. it's not only you who experienced it sometimes it's hard to explain and understand why there are kind of people existing,right?

 
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