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    Old 01-10-2011, 05:45 PM   #16
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    Re: Second Go

    I look at detox/withdrawals like that scene in Cast Away w/ Tom Hanks, where he is trying to get over the waves that are keeping him on the island. He tries and tries and tries, then eventually gets over that big wave, and he is free from the 'trap' that that island was.

    If you havnt seen that movie, I suggest watching it. It is very motivational, and has a lot of parallel metaphors to drug addiction (just how I see it, dont think it was the writers intent)

    6pm and i havnt dosed since the dillaudid 8 at 11:30 am today. Not motivated to go out, but my friend asked me to go pick him up from the airport tonight. The same friend who is on oxys, and trying to detox along with me. I'll peel myself off the couch n get him, but im soooo not into it. I pick him up at 820pm, around the time i was gonna make morphine tea. Ill have to wait until after I get him now, cause I dont drive after taking morphine, ever!...ohhhh 9pm until I can have a bit of relief, I guess that is a good thing. Till then

     
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    Old 01-11-2011, 02:52 AM   #17
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    Re: Second Go

    well I picked up my buddy from the airport and we smoked some weed on the way back. He had done his pills before getting on the plane etc so we didint do any when i picked him up.

    I got home and was so tired from the day (woke up at 5:30 am, took some morphine, then went to work), i got home and was so tired, I wanted to make my morphine tea but girlfriend was still up. I was just feeling moderate aches, so I told her I was just going to go to bed. So I went to bed with no pain med.

    (so no meds since 11:30 am dilly 8). i just woke up now and its 3am I think. the girlfriend told me i was restlessly moving and told me to turn over, well I just went to bathroom and came downstairs to the laptop, Im quite achy, so Im going to make a 50 mg morphine tea now, then return to bed.

    Proud of my long day without opiates, the weed didnt really help tho (some people say it helps them) well for me it made me think about doing more morphine, and also just made me tiired and burnt out feeling, so i did its job and allowed me to skip my bedtime dose. although Im kinda doing it now.

    I like long stretches of time between opiates, theyre like little tests of pain endurance, and I surprise myself sometimes. im going to take this tea, and Im going to ATTEMPT to not take any opiates when i wake up later. If I can do that I will shocked, cause I always need that morning boost (so my mind and arms n legs say) But i might try to fight it... gonna read up for half hour on here and go back to bed

    (ohh and his plane came in late at 10:20pm instead of 8:20, which made it a longer wait until i could dose, but the weeed got me through that phase of the night

    Last edited by second go; 01-11-2011 at 02:54 AM.

     
    Old 01-11-2011, 12:13 PM   #18
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    Re: Second Go

    well I woke up at 8:30 and was a bit achy so I took my 50 mg morphine tea. I think I coulda done without it if I tried, but I woulda been thinking about it for hours. However Im going to see how long I can go on just that. Id love to be able to ride out the day until bedtime, then see.

    gonna ******** some music now (my day off) and try to keep my mind off drugs. Ill post before bed to see how long I manage. Hope you all are havn a good day, My advice try to fight the craving, even if its for an hour, the accomplishment of changing your drug habit does wonders for your confidence. talk latr

     
    Old 01-11-2011, 04:05 PM   #19
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    Re: Second Go

    I ended up taking a nap, and i just woke at 4 pm, im going to make a codeine 30 tea...My legs are achy and im a bit agro, so this will chill me out.

     
    Old 01-11-2011, 11:30 PM   #20
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    Re: Second Go

    so today I had a morphine 50 in am, a codeine 30 mg tea in afternoon, and I just now made another codeine 30 tea (its 11:30 pm).

    Ive been downloading music for the last 2 hours, I get a rush from new tunes! Im gonna surf for another hour then go to bed, got another day off tommorrow, wooo!!!!. I should use the day off to refrain from doing morphine in morning, and just allow myself to 'hurt' in the privacy of my house, listen to the tunes i dowloaded today n try to do LESS!... gnite for now

    iLL probably wake up at 3 or 4 am in aches, so ill post then..

     
    Old 01-12-2011, 12:32 AM   #21
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    Re: Second Go

    How did your night go, second go? How are the leg aches? What about being aggravated?

    Since you've been downloading alot of tunes lately, what is your favorite song(s) at the moment?

    emsmom

     
    Old 01-12-2011, 09:47 AM   #22
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    Re: Second Go

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by emsmom View Post
    How did your night go, second go? How are the leg aches? What about being aggravated?

    Since you've been downloading alot of tunes lately, what is your favorite song(s) at the moment?

    emsmom
    well the last thing i had was a codeine tea at 11:30 pm last night, I surfed the net for a while, amd literally fell asleep on my futon. my gf came downstairs and told me to come to bed, but i must have been so out of it because of the codeine i took, i just mumbled something, and told her to let me sleep for a while.

    well i just woke up and its 930 am, just made myself another codeine 30mg tea (just crush it and put it into boiling water). So ive gone 9 hrs without anything, i just took the codeine cause I woke up achy! For some reason my mood is alright. (and i didnt want to go straight for my morphine, i thought ill try this codeine, as it might be less powerful than the morphine). Im still aching after half hour of taking the codiene, but im gonna try to ride it out today as long as i can.

    Emsmom, you ask what I downloaded and listen to? well I sat at my comp last night and d/l'd some of the coolest electro, dubstep, and hip hop music (i havnt been looking at music blogs for some time cause i ve been so busy, so there was sooooo much new music to ********! Not sure what my fave is, but Im diggin this rapper Big Sean (hes down with kanye, thers a cool video he has on ******* called 'too fake' but i like so much music I dont have a fav. editops forgot bout advertising sites..sorry

    It also snowed heavy last night, so were pretty much snowed in today, I have one more day off today, then back to work tomorrow. i'm going to see how long this codeine helps me out, see if i can go till the afternoon without anything.

    I am realizing Im at the point now where i should write up a taper program, cause ive just been winging it, reducing a bit everyday, but i havnt got a running record of how much my progress has been.

    Im going to figure that out today...some sort of plan on a calendar, which i can use as a regiment where i know im tapering off.

    Last edited by second go; 01-12-2011 at 09:48 AM.

     
    Old 01-12-2011, 08:57 PM   #23
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    Re: Second Go

    its 9pm here, ive gone with nothing since the codeine this morning, but have been really aggro/anxious. Im going to make a 50 mg morphine tea now. I just want to settle to bed w minimal restlessness, so i can go to work tommorrow at 6am.

     
    Old 01-12-2011, 11:26 PM   #24
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    Re: Second Go

    6am?? Ugh! I hope tomorrow goes smoothly for you. Keep in touch and let us know...

    emsmom

     
    Old 01-13-2011, 04:04 AM   #25
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    Re: Second Go

    up at 4am (work at 6:30). I got up to use washroom and boy do my joints ache. But the ache seems to go away, if i walk around and strecth a bit, but doesnt go away completely.

    Im making a codeine 30 mg tea right now 4 am. Im using codeine to kinda trick my body into thinking theres no morphine here (codeine is less potent than morphine i believe, so if i can minimize my morphine intake, it will make this process better.)

    I do however have some "greys" 100mgs of morph. Ill use at work if i get in a real panic or pain, but am trying to refrain from using it.

     
    Old 01-13-2011, 04:18 AM   #26
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    Re: Second Go

    Good for you, Second Go. You seem to be on a good road to recovery. The fact that you're going longer and longer between doses is amazing.

    I hope work goes smoothly for you today and you're not hurtin' too bad

    emsmom

     
    Old 01-13-2011, 04:37 AM   #27
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    Re: Second Go

    thanks. See I detoxed the first time off of the oxys, and went through all the withdrawals, etc. By two weeks in, I felt back to normal.

    A month latr when I tried the oxy again (soooo dumb of me). I was doing them ocassionally, then i switched to morphine, cause for me its got a less powerful grip on my, and of course the codeine (which the liver just turns into morphine anyway)

    But, my point is, ive been back on drugs for id say 2 months, im hoping that withdrawals wont be as bad this time around, because I havnt been on them again for a year, it has just been two months, thtas why im not keeling over in the middle of the day if i havnt had anything. im able to hold off on doses for longer periods of time . But i get very anxious and all my mind is focused on is getting more morphine. its like im not present at work, my mind is somewhere else. But monetarily, I cant afford to go back to taking oxys or morphine daily, so ive got to cut this out slowly.

     
    Old 01-13-2011, 04:55 AM   #28
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    Re: Second Go

    Yeah but don't downplay the fact that you're taking less than you anticipated. It's not the amount you're taking or even the dose that you should be focusing on - it's fact that you are using self-control to take as little as possible.

    Also, the fact that you are holding your own meds says alot about your character. The average addict can't help but take a handful at the first sign of withdrawal.

    So, give yourself a pat on the back - you deserve it.

    Regards,
    emsmom

     
    Old 01-13-2011, 05:14 AM   #29
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    Re: Second Go

    thanks!, and yea i have a ration so that i dont run out before payday. If i run out I lose it!!! even if I have some on me doesnt mean ill take em, but boy o boy if i run out im one unhappy camper. so i always have to carry a few morphines, and i have been carrying the odd clonazepam to for my anxiety, but im about ready to flush them, after reading all the benzo horror stories on here.

    Thats why people need to communicate, lets get this info out there, it can help someone (yall might have helped me avoid becoming addicted to benzos) so thank you, i may flush it down the toilet, or keep it --->just so i dont freak out, knowing i have no pills. But I dont want benzo withdrawals by the sound of it!!!

    Last edited by second go; 01-13-2011 at 05:16 AM.

     
    Old 01-13-2011, 08:29 AM   #30
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    Re: Second Go

    its 8 am, and this morning is a bit rough. I woke and made a codeine tea 30mg. the thing i HATE with a passion is tolerance. Like, I didnt get much from that codeine (it would knock someone else out to sleep), but for me it just took a bit of the pain edge off.

    I really miss oxys, cause i could come into work, on say 20 mg and just not care about anything. Now i feel like im completely sober (but no pain at the moment).

    My boss is coming in. hes rather strict, and i would always pop an oxy before i had to deal with him, it made it soooo easy. Now hes coming in and my head just isnt right. like its not bad, but i wish i just had that pill to take away my anxiety.

    i have some pills with me, but i dont want to be 'weak' and just pop one cause hes coming. im going to hold out and get used to the reality that life is uncomfortable at times, and we just have to deal with it!!!!!!!!

    im writing this to vent, cause if i didnt , i would just pop half a morphine cap. I DONT WANT TO DO THAT ..i have to stay on top of this mission, so there, I have now convinced myself, im not going to take a pill before he gets here, im going to take whatever 'talking to about things ive missed doing at work, and how such n such needs to be done better.....but im going to do it without a pill.

    After all, when im totally off pills im going to have to face life like this everyday. Just had to get it off my chest that hes an ******* (my boss)...and that I can deal with whatever he dishes out to me. Mind over matter!

    Do you want to know an interesting fact? when i was detoxing the first time off oxys, cold turkey cause i was stranded at a rave with no more oxys (some of u know the story) well one night in my tent I picked up my gfs mirror, and literally had a STARE DOWN with myself, i stared myself down for about 2 minutes, cursing myself out etc, and then I put the mirror down, but convinced myseld in my head that I won the stare down, not the addicted me in the mirror. That gave me the strenghth to power-push through this hell.

    So yeah he's on his way now, but im not going to take a pill!

    illl et you know how it went later today, remember im used to taking an oxy 20 or 40 and just blocking him out, when hes spazzing etc.

    I have to re-invent who i am, and what I can handle in life ( most of my worries are just in my head)...so ok that is solved, i wont take pill, wont take pill, ill just fight this feeling of anxiety! I know its better on the other side of addiction, because ive been there (ur not sooo sensitive anymore, which is where i want to get back to)

    I may have a 50 mg morph tea latr today around 4pm...thats my goal, to refrain until then.---talk later guys. I dont have time to proof read, hes comin...latr! Fight the craving/feeling yall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!grrrrrrr

     
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