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I cannot control my drinking and it's ruining my life




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Old 03-05-2011, 04:50 PM   #1
Wynter515
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I cannot control my drinking and it's ruining my life

Hello,

I don't know where to start. I guess I've had a drinking problem since high school and my habits haven't changed much and I'm almost 30 years old. I drink like Im still in college or I guess you can say im a binge drinker. I have a major problem limiting my intake and it's getting In the way of my life. I never set out to get as drunk as I do but I often end up blacking out and humiliating myself along the way. I have lost a few friends because of my drinking. They just think I'm drama or a sloppy mess and dont want to deal.

But the worst part is the disgrace I cause myself...

Last night I went out with a man that I have liked for a while..we went out for Mexican and we were having a great time..I had three very strong margaritas and the night should have ended there...I should have went home after the restaurant but I didn't of course...we went out to another bar and I blacked out the rest of the night. That's two hours I can't account for. What I do remember however is holding his hand, sitting on his lap in a bar, and telling him to come home with me. He said no of course because he knew I was smashed and took a cab to my apartment with me because I was too drunk to get myself home. I could barely say my own address. I completely blacked out any conversations I had with him while in the bar or the cab and I have no idea if I made out with him or what. I woke up completely ashamed..and I'm to embarrassed to ask him what happened because The little I do remember is embarrassing enough. I made myself look like some easy tramp and lost his respect because of my drunken behavior.

This is a very common senario in my life. I have even had sex a couple of times and not remembered it. I have put myself in dangerous situations many times where I've had no control over myself and I'm lucky that I haven't been raped. You would think this would make me stop drinking the way i do but it hasn't..you would think that losing friends would make me stop but it hasn't..and you would think that humiliating myself over and over and having people I care about lose respect for me would make me stop but it hasn't. Every weekend I continue to drink..way past my limit..sometimes I'm fine and sometimes I blackout. But the bottom line is that I have no control. I dont knw what to do..I feel completely depressed, ashamed, and alone.

 
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Old 03-05-2011, 05:53 PM   #2
resolution09
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Re: I cannot control my drinking and it's ruining my life

Hi - Couple of questions:

How long have you been aware that this is ruining your life?

It sounds from your post that you binge on weekends. Is that right? Do you drink at all during the week?

Any thoughts on why you binge? I'm wondering if you pretty much knew before you went out with this guy that this is the way it would play out or if you go thinking you are going to have just those couple of drinks and stop. If you think of it truthfully, didn't you really know before the date even started how it would end.

I think it's pretty obvious you need help of some sort. You just can't stop after 1 drink and you can't not have that one drink, right? So it's sort of the obvious, you have to stop taking that first drink. Control isn't in your wheelhouse.

You'll be giving up your pressure release valve. You'll be giving up a good friend who turns evil and bends you over every weekend. You just forgive by the next weekend. Personally, I think binge addiction is one of the hard ones. I think you'll have to find something to substitute for the behavior. And I think you'll need help. You really can't control this on your own.

 
Old 03-05-2011, 06:24 PM   #3
Wynter515
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Re: I cannot control my drinking and it's ruining my life

Well here's the thing I'm a bartender..so Im surrounded by alcohol on a constant basis..but ironically I rarely drink at work but I do have the occasional shot or two while at work..I binge drink about one night a week when i go out..never at work and it can be Any night of the week.. this case it was on a thurs...

As far as the way i expected the situation to turn out...I did not expect to get as drunk as I did..i woukd have never though that i would be sitting on his lap or asking him to sleepover..I've hung out w him a few times and been in complete control while drinking...but this time It didn't work in my favor..and i guess I should have expected it..I knew that the place I was going to was known for how potent there margaritas are..but it was the kind if drunk that creeps up on u and hits u all at once..

As far as why I binge..I think I just get excited about going out and drinking and get caught up in having a good time...and confusing because I was having a great time..and I'm sure I was having a great time when I was in the blackout..I dont realize the damage till the next day

Last edited by Wynter515; 03-05-2011 at 06:27 PM.

 
Old 03-05-2011, 08:46 PM   #4
mercyrightnow
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Re: I cannot control my drinking and it's ruining my life


Hello, I've been feeling the same way about myself. Which probably won't help you much except that now you know you're not the only one who's embarassed and just can't stop. I feel the same way. I'm sorry you're hurting and I hope you're not all alone. (((((hugs)))))

 
Old 03-05-2011, 09:23 PM   #5
gardenandcats
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Re: I cannot control my drinking and it's ruining my life

I suggest you run to your nearest AA meeting and attend at least a meeting every other day.

 
Old 03-06-2011, 06:18 AM   #6
medihelp6000
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Re: I cannot control my drinking and it's ruining my life

Have you gone to your doctor to try Antabuse? It helps tremendously with the withdrawl symptoms when comng off alcohol. first step you need to do is make a decision to STOP

 
Old 03-06-2011, 08:12 AM   #7
resolution09
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Re: I cannot control my drinking and it's ruining my life

Of course it doesn't matter what night of the week the drinking happens. But your response is what I mean about binging being a hard one to acknowledge. You brain plays with you. You think that if you can handle the occasional shots every now and then, you can stay in control all the time. Or you certainly should be able to. But that changes when the binge mentality takes over. At some point you get caught in the binge. For you it's caught up in the fun and excitement of the night. For others it's using the binge to burn off the stress that's built up. Often the longer the controlled window, the worse the binge. But it's the binge that's taken control.

It'll keep happening. It really will. You can't control it. When you decide you are done with the after effects of the binge night out, you will be ready to quit drinking. I really don't believe you will be able to keep drinking in your life and quit the binge part of it. But since I'm been wrong before, the best way to find out about yourself is to find some sort of support or counseling and see how it goes. Hope it works for you.

 
Old 03-26-2011, 02:22 PM   #8
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Re: I cannot control my drinking and it's ruining my life

im 18 and my mom has had a drinking problem ever since i can remember. i used to take care of her. i would pick her up from from the bathroom floor when she would passed out and wet herself id change her cloths wash her down and put her back into bed. i checked on her twice a night to make sure she was still alive,and she was in detox at least once a month. my mother was a very loving women she was so nice. she used to drink in public and it was fine then she started to drink way to much to the point she'd start hiding it from me. i am an only child so it was very hard for me to cope with such a drunk mother all the time i had no father. she bacame abusive and just a whole nother person i didnt know.. now she is living in a whole other city she missed my 18 bday because shes in and out of jail and rehab for her DUI's i dont have any parents because she chose to take that road and leave me behind so if you have kids just know it hurts them and it will scar them for life. get help you can only help yourself no one can want it for you. forgive people who have hurt you, do whatever you need to do to keep the negative feelings away because believe me this is a demon that you have to get rid of or you'll start to lose friends then family end eventually you'll lose yourself and be alone .. i saw my mother go threw hell and she put me threw hell with her drinking. i dont wish that desease upon anyone not even my worst enemies i wish the best of luck for you. your in my prayers

 
Old 03-27-2011, 09:39 PM   #9
MarineWife099
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Re: I cannot control my drinking and it's ruining my life

It's hard to admit we're an alcoholic when we don't drink everyday, still work, pay bills, sometimes we can stop when we want etc. But the truth is, alcoholism comes in many forms, and binge drinking is one of them. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and my story is a lot like yours, except before I knew it, it went from once or twice a week binge to everyday blackout. I don't remember the better part of a year. I was raped because of my drinking, I passed out at a "friend's" house in her brothers bed and he came home and had his way with me in my sleep. He even left me with the lovely parting gift of chlamydia. I woke up during the experience, he had already started and I said "no I'm married", he said "it'll be our little secret", and that's the last thing I remember before I passed back out. I never tell anyone about that night, I don't like to talk about it, but I wanted to share it with you because you are on a very similar path. I don't want to see that happen to anyone else. I also embarassed myself on a regular basis, finding out the next morning I had drunk dialed a bunch of people and said nasty things. I lost friends and family as well. You've got to seek help, be it AA, rehab, outpatient counseling, whatever. Posting on here is a great start. It only gets worse. I'm now struggling with another addiction, but after rehab, with the help of AA, therapy, and forums like this, I haven't had a drink since I left rehab. I wish you well!

 
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