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    Old 04-29-2011, 06:29 AM   #31
    Norcoguy
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    Wow Kate, You are a "Heavy narcotic pain med user" with 3000+ posts and had to ask that? I think you know the answer better then i do......
    Im in the worst state right now to even try to answer you...After reading your post the first thing that came to my tormented mind was wow..." id like to go over to kates house today instead of work, and eat a bunch of her pills". I do have real pain issues...but i dont believe in narcotics anymore!, they steal way way way to much of your life, I couldnt tell what was real or not anymore...i wasnt even sure in my pains i was taking them for were real anymore,( although im finding out they are) And the main wake up call was when i looked at my 6 year old son and realized ive never saw him through sober eyes, he has never known a dad narcotic free, but IF i can do this, im gonna come at it with exercise, PT, meditation, And maybe some cordison shots, And an acceptance that life is pain whoever tells you differnt is using something!
    Narcotic pain killer has its place, but i would say only for end of life use to make death easier...Like battlefield wounded and such...
    Its hard fo me to bash narcotics right now....If i could just take a couple pills this morning the world would be right again, and maybe i wouldnt wish i was dead at work.

     
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    Old 04-29-2011, 01:26 PM   #32
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    I'm truly sorry Norco, that you've had it so hard. And I truly hope that you find a new way to control your pain.

    I'm sorry that I can't understand more of your reasoning to quit, like I said, the drugs just don't effect me like that. My body is pretty screwed up, wiring is all wrong, but it helps in some ways I guess. I've had 21 surgeries in the past 12 yrs. I'm only 42 and mine are lifetime, progresively worsening conditions, so i'll be on the meds for awhile yet, until the technology increases and the new "parts" don't wear out so quick.

    A couple things i can reccomend for the pain, use your hottub, alot. Voltaren gel is great, it's RXonly and also lidocaine patches also RX, these are non-addictive topicals.

    Take care. Kat

     
    Old 04-29-2011, 03:25 PM   #33
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    (Day 7) A week ago at about this exact same time i took the last of my pills...Today feel so down and out... family wants do do something like bowling or pizza parlor, and i just cant! Feel like just crawling in a cave with torches and skulls, grow a beard, and live like a madman, i cant face a social setting yet, What i should do is convince myself i hate those pills! they are resposible for f**cking up my body and mind, but i cant!!..i can only look back with fondness for my horrible addiction So sick...so sad...

    Last edited by Norcoguy; 04-29-2011 at 05:15 PM.

     
    Old 04-30-2011, 05:38 AM   #34
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    Norco- I have been reading/following this thread, and I want to tell you my heart goes out to you. You have gone through hell and back, and yet you keep on going. I admire your honesty & courage.

    I too am a CP patient, and yes I am on opiates, Norco being one of them.

    I was forced into withdraws a couple years ago because the doctor I was seeing at the time got into trouble with the DEA & closed without any notice basically.

    I will tell you, that if your body reacts the way mine did, and so far, what you have gone through is almost the EXACT same thing I went through, then by about ady 10 you might start to feel better. When I went ct, the first 9 days were like death, no, actually I even prayed for death a couple times, but then realized my daughter & son & husband need me, so I stopped that line of thought right quickly (not before I begged my husband to bash my skull in & put me out of my misery). The look on his face when I told him I just wanted to die broke my heart.

    Day 10, for me anyways was the turning point. I still wasn't sleeping well, but was getting anywhere from about 3-4 hours of sleep which was better than the tossing & turning, sweats/chills/nausea, restless legs & arms and no sleep I was getting the nights before that. I was taking sometimes 5 hot showers throughout the night trying to get some kind of relief. They did help, but only for about half an hour or so, but that half hour after those showers was heaven compared to the rest of those sleepless hours.

    You know, during the worst of the wd's I even resented my family who was sleeping so peacefully. I just wanted to scream at all of them to wake up & suffer with me! How selfish I felt, but I really wanted to do that.

    When day 10 rolled around, I found that music was the best therapy for me. It was the ONLY thing that seemed to trigger my brain to make those endorphines that make you feel good. I cranked it up, and even started dancing- my son thought I'd lost it. (He didn't know about the wd's- he just thought I had the flu) I cranked the music up in the house, on my computer, in the car- you name it. It did the trick for me so I went with it.

    Although I am back on meds and with a truly qualified & responsible doctor now, I admire your choice & your reasons to stop the meds. This is something that has to be a personal choice, a choice only YOU can make. You did the right thing if the meds were robbing you and/or your family of anything that you all truly deserve.

    Keep it up Norco, because it will have been so worth the misery & fight when you are able to look at your child with sober eyes & smile a genuine, sober smile (a smile you actually FEEL) & feel the warmth of your child looking back at you the way only our children look at us!

    Take Care- and know I'm sending thoughts for strength your way.

     
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    Old 04-30-2011, 07:38 AM   #35
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    (DAY 8) Fog is lifting somewhat, My mind and body are tormented...they have now joined forces against my spirit...I dont think they believe or accept its over...They still hope i will go to a doctor maybe next week and beg for some pills...
    @ozzy I know what your saying ive been laying in bed many nights thinking death dont scare me one bit, in fact if i die for some reason that will be just fine. but thats mind and body my spirit feels stronger than ever.

    Wow...is this what its like to go crazy

     
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    Old 04-30-2011, 07:48 AM   #36
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    Norco- You just keep on keepin' on. I've found that if your spirit is strong & 100% determined, then it will win out over the mind & body. Eventually, your body will give up the fight & (relucatantly at first) start creating it's own natural endorphines, however the mind will continue to try and trick you for a much longer time.

    You may find that in a couple or a few days, you'll be sitting there and wham, all of the sudden you get this rush of what feels like adrenaline, almost giddy in fact. That's your own endorphines, and it's a natural happiness. It feels the best! I hope it happens for you soon. Once that happens, you know things are really starting to get back to normal.

    Take care

     
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    Old 04-30-2011, 05:20 PM   #37
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    Ozzy is right, Norco. Although it doesn't feel like it is gonna happen, it will. From my research and talking to doctors and counselors, there is evidence that the brain can heal very well from opiate abuse. It may take time but the brain does heal. We all jsut have to keep fighting.

     
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    Old 04-30-2011, 06:07 PM   #38
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by musicman3 View Post
    Ozzy is right, Norco. Although it doesn't feel like it is gonna happen, it will. From my research and talking to doctors and counselors, there is evidence that the brain can heal very well from opiate abuse. It may take time but the brain does heal. We all jsut have to keep fighting.
    I miss you...where have u been? U better not say it........

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    Old 04-30-2011, 06:10 PM   #39
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Norcoguy View Post
    (DAY 8) Fog is lifting somewhat, My mind and body are tormented...they have now joined forces against my spirit...I dont think they believe or accept its over...They still hope i will go to a doctor maybe next week and beg for some pills...
    @ozzy I know what your saying ive been laying in bed many nights thinking death dont scare me one bit, in fact if i die for some reason that will be just fine. but thats mind and body my spirit feels stronger than ever.

    Wow...is this what its like to go crazy
    Naaaaaa! Not going crazy ....just finding the force within you..LUKE.......I AM YOUR MOTHER...crazy heroin addict ...now thats insanity ...

    Woot woot..day 8...7 more and rainbows will be shooting from somewhere ...lol
    Peace
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    Old 04-30-2011, 06:14 PM   #40
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Norcoguy View Post
    (DAY 8) Fog is lifting somewhat, My mind and body are tormented...they have now joined forces against my spirit...I dont think they believe or accept its over...They still hope i will go to a doctor maybe next week and beg for some pills...
    @ozzy I know what your saying ive been laying in bed many nights thinking death dont scare me one bit, in fact if i die for some reason that will be just fine. but thats mind and body my spirit feels stronger than ever.

    Wow...is this what its like to go crazy
    Naaaaaa! Not going crazy ....just finding the force within you..LUKE.......I AM YOUR MOTHER...crazy heroin addict ...now thats insanity ...

    Woot woot..day 8...7 more and rainbows will be shooting from somewhere ...lol
    Peace

    Hey punk! I told you to pick a name...I hope u like luke ...or how about vader ? Lol
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    Old 04-30-2011, 07:40 PM   #41
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    nah...going crazy feels waayyy different...trust me, I've spent two tours in the psych ward....and even done ECT's......you'll know crazy.....you never even think you have a glimmer of coming back from that one....

    keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

     
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    Old 05-01-2011, 12:31 AM   #42
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    Norco, you are doing what you need to do the way you want to. YOU ARE one heck of a strong(soul) man. But is it true after all the DTs are all over as you are coming off of them well that it is, and will be a mind play about your drug? I mean, I don't drink anymore (4 plus yrs) And I have really bad urges to drink thinking "just this one time." But as time goes by it is fewer and far between. You know you are still in the early stages, but it does get better as time gose. You"ll find a hobby to keep the mind preouccuppid.Do better by your family, especially your son, friends. cowoekers. For all our addicttions, its lifellong battle with its ups and downs. But in the end sobriety is best, you Becauser predictable. I'm still followinh this. Just keep strong! DEE

     
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    Old 05-01-2011, 05:04 AM   #43
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    May 1..........

    Day 9.... rise and shine!

    It should be a good day...I feel it....

    Here let's pull back the blind and get u moving .....

    I know it is really hard to get out in the beginning ....at 30 days clean...I was ready to partake in life.......oh shooooot!
    This ole hag went to concerts and mooshed .....I got tatts and had a few holes put in me...lol....
    Some point u start craving pleasure ...any type...sex.....laughing.......four wheeling .....any guilty pleasure. I noticed if I didn't satisfy that...then id thinking about drugs an how to get them......but now I just crave them but they really don't call me anymore ....but its still new and I have a lifetime of fighting heroin .......


    Narco,
    Did u pick a name? Or give a real one ...punk!
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    Old 05-01-2011, 05:22 AM   #44
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    (Day 9) Morning RSD...Woke up 3am this morning couldnt sleep much, maybe sleep abniea...maybe w/d's, maybe both? feel crappy this morning brain storming in 10 differnt directions...Was this what my mornings were like 6 years ago before getting involved with pills? Strange i really dont feel like i contribute to the world without being on opiates...feels like superman 2 when he gave up his powers to become human and marry lois, then the trucker beats him up. When i was using, felt like i could take care of a ton of tasks be a husband and father then goto work and build great structures...Now i dont even wanna goto the store to get creamer for my coffee. Sad Sad state

     
    Old 05-01-2011, 05:39 AM   #45
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    Re: I'm out of pills!

    Come on luke! The force is in you........

    Ok so I think at 8 days....dts should be over soon......I noticed the sleep patterns are bugging you....and the I don't want to get out beds .........

    Get some sleep aides fooooooo! My top picks are lunesta or a tack hammer .its better if a dr can RX for ya but if not...you hv to get up and get sleep aides.......

    Go talk to musicman.........about anxiety ...the scary cats...the someomes at the door......its bad......but I think musicman can help u out....women experience differently in this area......when u feel like u can't push yourself walk around the house...like outside...get a go sun soak in every day....and give yurself time a day to love yourself....whoever that it....don't use! Thats hate...
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