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  • Seeking some Insight, Please!



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    Old 05-30-2012, 07:58 AM   #31
    TestedFaith
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    DAY 8 - Start of:

    Had slight trouble sleeping last night for about an hour, where my left arm was having the thrills. Other than that I was knocked out. Back pain is minimal, Mood is alright, and the chills and cold flashes are still slightly present.

    Today is my last day of work before I get a few days off, So that's a blessing..I'm anxious to see how I handle days off this far through W/D.

    Wow, I never in my right mind, Would have thought, for 8/9 years that I would EVER be able to break these pills for longer than 6 hours really, Yet Here I am AT DAY 8!!

    Praise God Baby!

     
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    Old 05-30-2012, 01:07 PM   #32
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    Hi Testedfaith! You seem as though you are doing remarkably well, and I'm so happy for you.

    One thing I wanted to comment on, I have tried and tried so many times to get clean. Once it lasted 2 years. I started using 5 years ago so I guess I'm lucky in the fact that I haven't wasted my entire life using. I've lost a lot of things, including my daughters in that time, but I am alive and have been given a chance to rectify what I've done. As I mentioned earlier, I am using suboxone, it seems like my only hope as I've tried everything that has been suggested to me. I have been getting mixed reviews from people aboout it. Some people are behind me 100%, while others shun me for supposedly "switching addictions". That's really hurtful. Especially when I feel like suboxone is what is going to save my life in the end. Getting to my point. I've noticed a few times that you have referred to prescription pain killers as "the devils drug" and "evil pills". That tells me that you are truly tired of this path you are on. That's a good thing because if you werent tired of it, you would fall back very easily. However, there are a great number of people in my life who couldn't have lived their lives without them. Not because they are addicts, but because they have legitimate pain/injuries/surgeries that is severely life altering. If it weren't for these narcotic pain medications, they wouldn't have been able to have been there for me when I needed them. My aunt, my mom, and a friend of mine are good examples. I used to curse the pills I was on! It took a long time, and some listening to people, to understand that it's not the pills that are evil. Its the addiction. Its the addictive behaviors. Its the addictive thinking. If we don't acknowledge that, we run the risk of falling back into our old ways. Next time it could be the alcohol that is made by the devil, or food, or gambling, or whatever your addiction is. You see? It's not the pills, it's the addiction...

    I hope this made sense to you without me offending you. Someone had to explain it to me too. I had to take FULL responsibility and not pass it off on the doctors who played fast and loose with the prescription pad. Or blame the people who gave them to me. Or blame the pill itself. If I hadn't picked it up and put it in my mouth, it wouldn't have done to me, what it did.

    I just want people in my life to understand that I don't judge them if they need narcotic pain medication to have a decent quality of life. I cannot have it. I will abuse it. But it isnt anyone, or anythings fault,but mine.

    have a great night all!

    congrats testedfaith on coming so far!!!!!!!!!!!

     
    Old 05-30-2012, 07:34 PM   #33
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    Hi there Kelly! Thanks for your kind words of encouragement.

    In regards to your comments directed towards some of my thoughts on the pills.

    To start off, You are absolutely correct, Pain medication is a true blessing, They really are.. I was relatively speaking on the pills with referencing. My parents are on pain medication full time to cope with their ailments, and without them I would be sad and tore up because the last thing we want to see is our loved ones in pain.

    With me however, Things were a bit different. When I first injured my back or aggravated it, However it went down, The pills were a blessing...However, Now 8 almost 9 years later, The Lord showed me the devil used these pills to destroy a lot of my life.. He took an unbelievable amount of cash from me with being forced to buy off the streets, etc. I in essence went into debt, lost some of my drive, Installed a limiter between me and the Lord...And the list goes on...So to me, Yes they are the devils pill. For those who need them, my loved ones included, I thank God they can find relief in the medications.

    I hope I cleared that up a bit and clarified my stance on the medication.

    In terms of my sobriety.

    I am at the END of Day 8.

    Symptoms have been yawning, cold flashes and chills.....Beyond that, I have the nightly left arm thrills and jitters that last about an hour before I finally knock out for the night....Unfortunately, They usually wait till I slept an hour or two before kicking in...

    Beyond that, I'd consider myself detoxed. I'm finding ways to manage my pain, My energy levels have continued to rise to levels I've not known in a LONG time. I've started working out to strengthen my body, etc. Mood wise, I'm phenominal. The Lord commanded that I trust Him, and I obliged....The end results have been nothing short of A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!

    Finally, I'd have to say by far thee greatest thing that has come out of this has been my relationship with God the Father. I am experiencing a much more intimate relationship with him, and He is no longer holding back on advancing His blessings and plans for my life.!

    God is good, God is Love!

    Last edited by TestedFaith; 05-30-2012 at 07:37 PM.

     
    Old 05-30-2012, 08:51 PM   #34
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    Really glad things are going so well for you. The yawning and such are all effects of your autonomic nervous system, they can last for a while and will eventually go away. Keep thinking positively, and I'm not trying to burst your bubble *smile* but don't get too lax in thinking your detoxed....there is a strong psychological element to detoxing and it can rear it's ugly head over and over again at different times down the road...so stay diligent in your quest to stay off the pain meds.

    Take care,

    kat

     
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    Old 05-30-2012, 09:05 PM   #35
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    Oh I believe it Kat, I do! What I meant by that was that I'm no longer hating life being soaked all day, shaking all day, sad, hating life, etc. I'm staying strong and most importantly, Staying close the God. On top of that I am keeping you guys updated on my progress daily as it's important to both me, and others who are struggling and need a boost of encouragement and support.

    I'd like to extend my gratitude and thanks to you Kat, Kelly, and the others who helped me along the way...As the Lord worked his intervention, He also made you guys involved in my endeavor. =)

    Tomorrows updates will be a little different as I'm off for the next couple days...So I will have a lot of downtime. I won't have the luxury of being occupied for 9 hours. The Lords instilled in me a very strong will, So I trust in Him that he will get me through the idle day feeling successful as I have been.

    Again, Thank you everybody!

     
    Old 05-30-2012, 09:12 PM   #36
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    If I might offer a suggestion...for something for all that downtime. I've found that volunteering is a great activity to keep one's mind occupied and out of trouble...and the "high" you get from helping others is better than any drug.

    I used to be a "baby rocker" at my local hospital...I'd go and sit in the nursery and hold, feed and rock the babies that didn't have mommies, or were sick and whose mommies couldn't be there all the time....it was awesome. Now I volunteer at the library. If you like animals, working at your local shelter can be great also. And for you, pitching in at your church or another church in your area might be good, there will be Vacation Bible School's popping up all over the place in the next couple of weeks with school out.

    Kat

     
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    Old 05-30-2012, 09:22 PM   #37
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    You are absolutely right. It's funny you brought that up as I've always wanted to volunteer at my church but never got around to pursuing it...What better time than now right! It's nice to hear there are still people out there like yourself that put others before yourself. I commend you for that Kat. Those kids we're lucky.

    I will most definitely keep you updated on what I do!

     
    Old 05-31-2012, 01:01 PM   #38
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    Quick update midway through Day 9 -

    As expected I struggled with sleep a little last night, but after battling it for about an hour I knocked out. So far today I've cleaned the entire house, Spent some time outside in the sun and also plan on BBQing myself some food on the grill a bit later. Now I need to dedicate some time to Lord.

    One thing to note, I ended up buying a nice back brace I could wear under my shirts. Interestingly enough, While that brace is on, Most of my pain eases away as my weakened back gets the proper support it needs. So it's pretty clear my core is very weak. I also must address my left foots elevation. Most would yell at me if I told them I felt out of shape at 6'1" - 185, but I need to keep up with the gym and strength training.

    Symptom wise, I noticed a drop in the yawning and chills. I'm much more comfortable with the window open and the breeze hitting my skin.

    I know this ain't over, but I'm confident the Lord and I will get this beat, From start to absolute finish. The Good Lord ALWAYS finishes what he starts..He will not, and can not fail! I honestly believe that if people cross my path down the road that would cause me a potential relapse, God will hastily deal with them accordingly. I'm all smiles Baby! It's amazing how unbeatable I've become since I've started putting 100% trust and faith in Him.

    Cheers!

    Last edited by TestedFaith; 05-31-2012 at 01:03 PM.

     
    Old 05-31-2012, 08:50 PM   #39
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    Well folks, I made it through the end of Day 9!

    I will say things are harder when I'm not at work or constantly occupied, but on the same token, It helps that the Lord removed the availability of the drug to me..

    Symptom wise - I have the occasional chill/yawn and interrupted sleep at night, but all other physical symptoms have since disappeared.

    I'm excited that tomorrow will mark DAY 10! Again, I'm off, but I have a lot of things to do tomorrow around town, So it should be a good day.

    I guess my next challenge is "Being and Feeling" normal if that makes any sense. Even though I'm through the physical W/D's, I know I'm still not right. I'm not at that point where I'm 100% comfortable in my new body, etc. Furthermore, If it makes any sense what so ever, Mentally and mood wise, I feel Amazing! That I can thank the Lord and the Lord only for. He's lifting my spirits and giving me peace...Something I would likely be without right now if I did not have him on my side.

    Last edited by TestedFaith; 05-31-2012 at 08:52 PM.

     
    Old 06-01-2012, 11:10 AM   #40
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    Day 10!

    Last night was the first night I was able to get a full uninterrupted nights worth of sleep. All other W/D symptoms are a thing of the past.

    My only complaint now is energy, While I have some and enough to get through my day I'm not content with that...Are there any supplements that I can take to help with this? I know pasta, etc, Things high in carbs relate into energy, but I'm curious if anything else. I just have a hard time focusing on one thing for too long.

    I'm off for now to do some running around town in the sun!

    Next step is getting my chemical and brain balances back in check. I wonder if this has anything to do with my energy levels. Too bad we couldn't just flip the restart switch for everything in the brain.

    Oh man, Then I have my moments where I'm big smiles rejoicing in the Lords unreal but real power!

    God is Good, God is Love!

     
    Old 06-01-2012, 07:57 PM   #41
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    As Day 10 comes to a CLOSE, I'm continued to be in constant awe at what's been taking place.

    Symptoms wise, I'm through just about every Physical W/D symptom, However I still don't feel "right", and I imagine that is more mental than anything.

    What has me in awe is my relationship with the Lord. I gave my life to Christ when I was 14 in 1998. My closest most intimate moments with the Lord were definitely when he hooked my heart in childhood. I've matured much in my relationship with the Lord, However, Him taking me through this has shown me a completely different level of faith and intimacy with him.

    He's had me flying on cloud nine through a lot of this. His strength, Not mine has gotten me this far and onwards to the end of it.

    I pray for the others on this board going through the same fight. I ask that the Lord gives you the same strength and willpower he has given me.

     
    Old 06-02-2012, 08:33 PM   #42
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    Day 11 comes to a close without incident.

    At this point the only remaining symptoms I have are irregular sleep, Mostly associated with my back bothering me.

    Sobriety from Alcohol - 4 Years 6 months 2 days!

    Sobriety from Drugs - 11 Days Baby!

    Do another update tomorrow!

    GodBless!

    TestedFaith

     
    Old 06-03-2012, 05:07 AM   #43
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    Tested Faith, congratulations on having 4 years, 6 months, and well now 3 days sober! It wont be long before you are saying the same for your drug addiction. I'm happy to hear that you are doing so well and that you are in such good spirits! Are you going to church today?

    Keep up the hard work, you're doing great!

     
    Old 06-03-2012, 06:59 AM   #44
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    Thanks Kelly! Feels great too! I can not believe how much those pills affected my life. For so many years I prayed that the Lord remove in my life what had to go...And now that I reflect back on it, He did in fact tell me what had to go...Many times...The meds...But I ignored it and thought to myself, Nah, It's gotta be something else. This went on for years, And finally, He said "Enough is Enough child", and worked his power and love for me in my life.

    I'll miss Church today as I got to work, However I'll definitely be making mid week service!

    God Bless you Kelly,

    Have a great day!

    TestedFaith.

     
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    Old 06-04-2012, 08:01 AM   #45
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    Re: Seeking some Insight, Please!

    Today I have a different kind of update.

    To start off, It's Day 13! -Symptom wise, It's just the irregular sleep I have with my back mostly being the culprit.

    Anyhow, The shocking news here. Last night as I just doze off to sleep my phone began to light up to a familiar name...My Dealer. Someone who has "been out" for weeks, etc. Anyways, I ignored all calls and continued with my sleep.. Woke up this morning to a text. I called her apprehensively because I knew she likely found what I wanted and I was not going to get anymore. Anyways, She shocked me and started off concerned with how I am now, both physically and mentally. Even went as far as to commend me for my accomplishment and encouraged me to "stop using". Dealer's don't shun off more money, She did and was more concerned about me than making money. Amazing just how deeply God was involved in all this.

    God Bless you all!

    TestedFaith

     
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