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Each day that another drug free day

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Old 06-09-2012, 10:03 AM   #1
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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mzack21 HB User
Each day that another drug free day

To make an awfully long story short:

-I had gastric bypass surgery at the age of 19 (almost 6 years ago) and have been successful at losing 150lbs

-In the past 2 years I've had to undergo 4 grueling surgeries to try and save my stomach so I wouldn't have to live off of a feeding tube for the rest of my life (I strictly had to live off of one for 6 months)

During all of this the only solution that the doctors knew was to keep me on pain medication. They wanted to keep me comfortable but they never upped the dose once my body had adapted to the dose and so I took it upon myself to keep upping it. Well here it was and I was running out of my medication early. I had just fully recovered from my last surgery and stopped the pain meds. Well my body did the obvious and went into withdrawals. I started writing my own Rx's for pain medicine. I was taking between 20-25 Vicodin ES a day. One day I was caught (not in the act) and had a surprise intervention at my house. I went into treatment the next day and was put on Suboxone 24mgs a day. Friday February 17th was the last day I had Vicodin and Friday May 18th I took myself off the Subs which is NOT advised. Even though I tapered myself down to the lowest amount possible 0.2mg, I still hit the withdrawals. It was TERRIBLE but rest assured, I got through it! I never, ever in a million years thought that I would find myself in this situation. I come from a very loving and supportive family. My boyfriend is a surgeon and had absolutely NO idea what I was doing. He's stuck by my side the whole time and loved me even more throughout my whole ordeal (they weren't his RX's that I was using). It feels SO GOOD to be drug free! I've come to terms that I am a recovering drug addict. It took me awhile to be able to forgive myself and realize that this is a disease and I am not a bad person. Every single person out there that is struggling can get help and CAN get through this. I'm finding much more happiness in my life without the drugs. I am no longer living in a "fog" and I have realized that I have control over myself--narcotics are no longer a part of my life. If I can do it, so can you. Hang in there!

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Old 06-09-2012, 11:13 PM   #2
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Re: Each day that another drug free day

Enjoyed reading your post, very encouraging. On day 4 off of subs. Hasn,t hit me too bad yet "knock on wood". Except for sleep thing so far it kind of reminds me of about a med. alcohol hangover. Can go to work and function. Can,t wait for all this to pass. I,m so done with the whole pain pill thing myself.

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Phoenix (06-10-2012)
Old 06-10-2012, 12:56 AM   #3
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Re: Each day that another drug free day

Congratulations on your sobriety, and your successful gastric bypass.

Drug addiction whether it be from legitimate pain or recreation is not a disease it is a choice. Nobody forces people to take more than they are prescribed. Nobody forced me to take more than I was prescribed, I did it because I wanted to, it wasn't due to a disease. It was a choice. We can't blame all of our faults and weaknesses on, we're not bad people, but we do have to accept what we've done wrong and accept that we chose to take more drugs than we were supposed to knowing there were consequences involved, no one forced us, and it's not a disease.

Congratulations on beating your addiction.

Old 06-10-2012, 03:27 AM   #4
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Re: Each day that another drug free day

First of all MZACK21, congrats on your sobriety! There really is no better feeling than getting your life back. It sounds like you have an amazing and supprtive family. God bless them for helping you through all this! Some of my family is very supportive right now and some of them arent. Difference of opinions I guess. I'll let them fight it out! haha!

Kat09- i gotta say i actually cried when i read your post. You are correct in saying that we choose to take too many pills, eat too much, gamble too much, whateer the addiction is. It is and always will be a conscious choice that we the beginning. However, when a persons addiction is a chemical such as pain killers, so much alteration is done to the brain, on so many levels. That's when it becomes a disease. The amount of research I've done on addiction is insane and there is so much debate out there over wether its a disease or not. I do believe that i chose to take too many pills in the beginning of my addiction. But way later in the game it was as if I had no control over it. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't stay away from it. I tried every method of recovery out there and it wasn't working for me. It broke my heart. It still does. And it wasn't from lack of trying. God knows I tried. Hard. Very hard. My heart goes out to each and every addict who has gotten to the point of feeling hey have lost control of it and doesn't know what to do. It's such an wverwhelming feeling.

Kat, I am definately not trying to argue with you. You have a great deal of wisdom, and experience, and I can't thank you enough for sharing that with everyone who needs it. Especially me. I guess i just partially agree with you on this one. I have found so much proof for both sides of the argument that it left me feeling more confused. I just know for a fact that I never for one second chose this for my life. I am so sorry for all the things that I have done and I am trying hard to make them right now. (you know this) Please try to understand where I'm coming from. Love ya!

Old 06-10-2012, 04:35 AM   #5
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Re: Each day that another drug free day

Hello mzack21,

It is good news indeed,to know that yet another individual has escaped the grasp of addiction's clutches.
I applaud your efforts.

In keeping the focus on myself(which is advised in the rooms) I have to say my choices are what led to my addiction of drugs.

I chose to surround myself with a particular group of people(whether or not I was in a vulnerable state of mind is a moot point).

It wasn't until I began using,that I noticed the overwhelming sense of euphoric security(albeit a false sense).It was my distraction from life itself,as life began to get a bit too real for my liking.

It allowed me to chase something that I would never catch up to.The insanity of it all came into play when I began making excuses for myself.

In its' earliest stage,I must admit that trying desperately to fit in, where I didn't belong,led to my path of indentured servitude,if you will.

I wanted,heck,needed a vacation from myself.The type that no mode of transportation could provide for.It provided a temporary solution;away from those both inside and out of my proverbial comfort zone.

Dealing with my brother's(RIP) murder was swept under the rug.Slowly I noticed a change from merely doing drugs to incorporating them into my daily itinerary.
It's the progression(met with no opposition on my behalf) that ultimately led to my psychological addiction.

When in doubt, post it out.

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