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momof2wifeof1 12-03-2012 09:31 AM

Day 1
I am new here, I have been scoping out this website for a few weeks and after a long weekend and discussion with husband, today was decided to be the day we both quit. Here is a little background. My husband and I have been married for 13 years, have two beautiful daughters (9 and 3), both work full time great paying jobs..........but we are addicted to pills. I love vicodin and have been on them for about 10 years but the past 4 years have increased alot. My husband loves Vic, Perc, Valium and Zanax and he takes alot a day and has a higher tolerance. I take about 5-7 Vic ES or 4 Per 5's a day, sometimes more, sometimes less. I don't take Zanax even though I have a script (i would just give them to him to save money), all they did was make me crash. We are now left with nothing. We have no money in the bank, our house is in foreclosure, our kids don't know anything that is going on, I have lied to many people and I did it to protect us. I would always make sure my husband had some because he would be hyper and happy to be around us and have energy to be around, I would take them so I could tolerate working 10 hours a day and coming home to two kids, a messy house and a hubs who sits and watchs football all day. I am not complaining nor am I making excuses. The time is NOW. In order for us to give our children an upbringing they deserve and for us to be healthy and for us to save our marraige, it was decided we would do it together. I have quit before but he never did nad it was HARD to be sober when he was popping them. I only lasted 3 weeks.
So I need some help. I am fine today, of course it is only day one. I took a Per5 last night at about 7:30pm so it hasn't even been 24 hours. I am tired and have a damn tickle in my throat LOL. I know tonight it will get kinda bad and tomorrow and Wednesday will be the worse. I am not worried about the withdrawls, I did this to myself so it is time to put my big girl panties on and face the withdrawls and sickness. I am just worried about depression. I have a script for Welbrutin that I have filled at my house and have never taken, do you think that would help?
Can anyone give me an idea on what I can expect and if I will be "normal" by Christmas?

2fingertyper 12-03-2012 01:56 PM

Re: Day 1
I just read your post and wanted to wish you luck and stay strong ..

ake50 12-04-2012 08:58 AM

Re: Day 1
Good morning, "mom"

I have a doctors appt soon, but read your post and wanted to pop off a quick hug and let you know someone read your story and is willing to help. I will try to respond in detail later.

You have made an important decision. You obviously know it will be hard. But just making the decision is the biggest step!

I assume you already are familiar with NA, Alanon, co-deprendency stuff? ETC??

I am 4 monthes and 4 days off abrupt withdrawal of Klonapin, Ambien. Am a chronic pain patient too, been there done that. Will explainn my current solution to the pain issue later. I'm no expert, but a good listener and unfortunately, have acquired a lot of info on withdrawal.


momof2wifeof1 12-04-2012 10:07 AM

Re: Day 1
Thanks everyone. Today is DAY 2 and besides some anxiety and some bathroom issues, I am feeling fine. On my first night at home after work, hubs and I hugged and agreed we are in this together. I actually put on a brave face and made cupcakes with my 3 and 9 year old and didn't spaz when sprinkles and frosting got more on the table than on the cupcakes.

I think with a positive attitude and going through this with my husband will have it's ups and downs but everything depends on sobriety. Cold Turkey is the only way I know how to do this because I got myself into it, I have to be a woman and get myself out of it. My kids need a happy mom and when I thought the pills made me happy, it just made me pissy and not to happy. Having my kids feed off my happy mood yesterday had them in a happy mood.

I know tomorrow will be a battle also and I know the depression and anger will set in but I have this board to vent and to cry on. I just wish my husband would join so he could at least read some of it.

Having you all on here really helps me. I am praying I can do this!

ake50 12-04-2012 04:53 PM

Re: Day 1
Hi Momof1
You seem to have a good attitude and I sense you are a strong woman. Hang on to this, ok? One day at a time, etc.
If I'd had a choice, I would NOT have chosen cold turkey but....didnt have a choice, so....Am still very angry at the psychiatrist who closed his practice, leaving me with no refills..........Not one word about a taper, etc. Oh well, the truth is I had to stop using the stuff. HAD TO.
And it happened, and now this is what I must go through.

momof2wifeof1 12-05-2012 05:45 AM

Re: Day 1
Day 3 and still strong. Anxiety sucks but each day I write down a quote and todays quote "I am stronger than Vicodin". When my anxiety hits I read each of my quotes and breath through it. I listen to a lot of music too at work in headphones. After working 9 hours I come home to our two kids and muster up a happy face and energy to bowl, make cupcakes, clean, etc. Hubs having a harder time and we are bother grumpy and short with each other. From 8 a day to none is a great feeling and to know I didn't take a xanax to help me makes me feel stronger. I am just waiting for the big sickness of death to hit. Yeah diahrea and stomach ache but nothing I can't handle. Thanks so much for letting me vent. STRONG MENTALITY!!

ake50 12-05-2012 08:34 AM

Re: Day 1
Hi Mom2
You are doing so good. I really like your attitude. Wish it were "catching!" One of my personal goals has been to try to have a more positive attitude. Negativity has been a crutch for too many years. I'm trying but its hard! You go, girl! You can do this!

ctrue 12-05-2012 05:03 PM

Re: Day 1
You are doing so great and should be proud! It is great you have such a positive attitude through it. You & your husband should be proud of the decision you all made to quit, that will benefit your family in so many ways! be very proud!

momof2wifeof1 12-06-2012 04:13 AM

Re: Day 1
Day 4. Anxiety is a bummer!! It stinks. I did get a monster headache last night, drank a beer and went to sleep awhile later. I am a nervous wreck about the weekend to be honest, first one sober all day and all weekend long with the kids at home and so much to do. I am keeping up with positive attitude. My smells are different, somethings smell nasty now, wierd. Bathroom has calmed down a bit, body aches and pains a bit but all is livable. Still nauseua all day but as long as I breathe through the panic attacks, I am one step closer. I know mentally the struggle will begin. His refill is due on Sunday and that is gonna be a mental game to avoid. I didn't come this far to celebrate with one. Thanks everyone for letting me come here to vent each day, you guys are the best!! I have figured I have already saved so much money, thank god because my acct is still in the negative because of last pills I bought!!

momof2wifeof1 12-07-2012 09:54 AM

Re: Day 1
Day 5....mental game now. Honestly harder than withdraws. Positive attitude brings positive results. You really have to want it and risk it. I looked at it like child birth all over again, sure it hurt and lasted forever but the outcome is wonderful.

Each day I give myself a note and a reminder on why I am doing this. When anxiety hits, I read the sheets. I have a new one each day and it helps

ake50 12-07-2012 10:10 AM

Re: Day 1
[FONT="System"]Good morning Momof1
I hope this finds you ok. I went back and re-read your first post. Are you taking the Xanax now? Hope not! It is very very dangerous. I hope you know that.
When I re-read your first post it truly hit me that we are sort of similar. I too have wrecked my life because of alcohol and pills. But you are younger, you havent "hit bottom" yet, altho I do know how bad that bottom can be. I'm feeling a little confused today but what I'm getting at is: You can do this. You can. For your kids. I can tell you are an intelligent person, with energy and life. Hang onto these things, ok?
I continue to be here, if you want to "talk". I'm a lost wanderer myself but at least I know how you must feel. [/FONT]

ake50 12-07-2012 10:16 AM

Re: Day 1
Am having trouble, wrote you and doesnt seem to have posted. Momof 2, how are you doing today?
I re-read your original post and again struck with similarities. How we messed our lives up with drugs, alcohol.
I continue to be here, if you want to chat.
Does anyone else get the blasted pop up ads on this site??? Driving me batty

momof2wifeof1 12-07-2012 01:06 PM

Re: Day 1
I refused to take any Zanax because I said it is just as bad as the pills anyways. If I want to do this I just have to suck it up. My kids derserve better. Honestly the hardest part is this coming weekend. Normally I would take them for the superwoman enengry it gave so I could take care of kids and clean the house, etc. I guess tomorrow will be my true test.

ake50 12-08-2012 07:15 AM

Re: Day 1
[QUOTE=momof2wifeof1;5100768]I refused to take any Zanax because I said it is just as bad as the pills anyways. If I want to do this I just have to suck it up. My kids derserve better. Honestly the hardest part is this coming weekend. Normally I would take them for the superwoman enengry it gave so I could take care of kids and clean the house, etc. I guess tomorrow will be my true test.
Good morning Momof2
People have always told me "Dont be so hard on yourself." I never understood, really. But in your letters I see you being so hard on yourself, I recognize it. Your kids deserve better, well, SO DO YOU..... This weekend is just another 2 days in your "live one day at a time" recovery. It isnt a test. NO day is a test, lady. A test you either pass or fail, right? and I arent trying to pass a test. We are trying to learn how to live without the little crutches we depended on for too long. We dont know how to do this yet. Each day we just try. Theres no failing this "test". Keep eyes on the prize, ok?
I am having trouble writing this so it makes sense.Probably because its all new to me too. I'm learning, but its slow and I get frustrated.
Are you having any physical wd symptoms?
Glad you did not take the Xanax. Boy, that would have really compounded the problem.
You are stronger than you think, lady.

momof2wifeof1 12-10-2012 04:20 AM

Re: Day 1
I am at a week!! I feel great. Hubs struggling with anxiety and the stress of everyday life and of course we are facing things in reality, money problems, car dying, washer dies and no money BUT we too will get past this. I thank each and everyone of you because the mental game is the worse. Breathing exercise helps and music helps.

Yesterday my husband went with me and the girls to church. He never goes and yesterday I actually felt like a family I almost cried lol.

To all struggling with this illness, it does get better as long as you stop for the RIGHT reason and if its the right reason, mentally you will do it. I think it would be hardwer if I was a stay at home mom or unemployed but going to work helps keep my mind busy!

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