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Concerned about my husband


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Old 03-19-2016, 05:44 PM   #1
greenwillow123
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Concerned about my husband

My husband is 72 years old. We've been together 35 years. While there are many things I admire and love about him, he has always been little crotchety.

In the past year, I have noticed his driving, which was never great, has gotten erratic. At times he drives much too slow. Other times, he takes chances that make me want to scream in fear. Also, his attention while driving drifts, and his response time is surely slower than it used to be.

Most of the time, he insists on driving. If the roads are not busy, I manage, but in traffic, I am nearly jumping out of my skin in fear. If I coach him from the passenger seat, he gets angry, sometimes ignores me or does the opposite of what I've suggested he do.

This aggressiveness is bleeding over into other areas: This week, he grouched a sales clerk, at a guy at a bookstore who wanted to discuss a book they had both read, and at a photographer who came to take some photos of our house at our request. None of those people deserved his ire.

Of course, I get grouched at, too. For example, our realtor told him to put some tape over the lock we do not want used. He took a piece of tape and laid it over the top of the lock, instead of over the opening for the key. When I gently suggested that perhaps when the realtor meant over the keyhole, instead of his (useless) interpretation of "over the lock", he refused to see my logic.

Added to all of this is his increasing desire to leave me do all the work, both physical and emotional, while he wants priority in all decisions.

His physical health is good to great. Mine is probably worse.

I suppose I need to confront him, but it's going to be tremendous blow-up, no matter how gently I approach it. Looking for a little sympathy and advice as to how to understand and handle this.

 
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Old 03-20-2016, 07:00 AM   #2
MSNik
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Re: Concerned about my husband

Hi. This sounds frustrating.

You say his physical health is good to great. How sure about that are you? When my dad hit 75, he started driving erractically too. We fought with him for about a year and then he drove his car straight into a concrete pylon in the middle of the road, citing his reflexes werent what they used to be....this led to a few broken ribs and a hospitalization, which led to the doctors in the hospital seeing signs of "something being off' which led to further testing, and low and behold, my father had started a form of dementia....he has since passed away but during the next 4-5 years, things got really bad, to the point where he couldnt be left alone any longer.
Other health issues developed which eventually killed him, but if they hadnt, we were in for a very long fustrating time.

Have you discussed all this with his doctor? You really should try to talk to the doctor when your husband isnt around to tell him what is happening. First of all, they may want to retract his drivers license. Not only is he at risk to himself and you, but to others on the road....secondly, he may have something going on in his brain which you would be unable to tell without proper testing.

This is a tough situation you are in, but doing nothing will ultimately result in more problems. Think about talking to his doctor and getting some feedback from someone who has seen this before..
Good luck!
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Old 03-20-2016, 09:17 AM   #3
greenwillow123
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Re: Concerned about my husband

Thanks so much. My mother was diagnosed with dementia in her earl 70's. I'm more inclined to suspect a small stroke. We recently moved to a new area and haven't found doctors yet. When we do, I'll be sure to speak to the physician about what I am seeing.

 
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Old 03-20-2016, 11:39 AM   #4
wyelire
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Re: Concerned about my husband

You have my sympathy, and empathy, but you need much more----maybe an "incident"---when it happens, be quick to take advantage of it ----Don't hold back for fear of "self interest" or "hurting his feelings". Don't wait, though. You need professional help, but getting it won't be easy. You may be told that "You don't have a problem. That's life." These people at this level are all trained to do or recommend what's least disruptive to the patient (privacy comes first, maybe rightly so).

 
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