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  • Whats going on with my MOM ?

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    Old 12-13-2004, 09:17 AM   #1
    Erin122
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    Whats going on with my MOM ?

    My mom is always frustrated. Everything I do is a problem. She sometimes says im using her. I dont know how I could use her. She gets mad at my Grandmom with Alzheimers. She says she is ungratful, because she cant even get a thank you. Im tired of it. I want to help her, but she wont ever admit that she has a problem. Today when we were coming into work we were arguing or actualy she was just yelling stuff that didnt make sense so I wasnt listening. well she yelled out " Thats why you dont have any friends" anyway I think she is going through a mis life crisis or something. I donno, but Im tired of feeling like this, and I bet she is too. I dont know what to do. Talking to her is impossible she doesnt want to hear it atall.

    WHAT TO DO?

     
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    Old 12-13-2004, 09:46 AM   #2
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    Re: Whats going on with my MOM ?

    Sounds like your Mom is having trouble coping. Misunderstanding, sadness, denial of her mom's illness can cause a lot of pain. Sometimes when we say things like she did about you not having friends she is simply her 'talking' about herself. Do you have someone you can talk with about all this, a counselor, pastor, a nurse, doctor? Preferably someone who is not connected with your family as they can be more objective. I encourage you to find someone for yourself. Alzheimers's is a tragic disease;grieving the loss of the person who once was is probably what your mom is going through. Sounds like you all live together which can make it even more distressing.

    You might call your local Alzheimer's chapter and see if they have a support group. You could check with your grandma's doctor also and find out what supports are in your community. You might even have some assistance at your work, check with HR.

    What ever you do, do something. Do it for you, you may not be able to help your mom right now, but if you get a support group you can get ideas on how to help her. Try to not take the things she says to you personally, I know it is hard. Take care of yourself, get some support.

     
    Old 12-13-2004, 09:59 AM   #3
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    Re: Whats going on with my MOM ?

    Yes I have people to talk to. I do have friends maybe I only have about 4 good good friends, But thats all I need. I know she didnt mean it anyway, because I do have friends just not a huge crowd. I choose not to hang around the neighborhood losers. I go out maybe 3 nights a week. I guess becase I like my alone time that makes me not have friends. Anyway Im pretty good at thinking of some things that I can do for people to ease there sadness or frustration, but she is impossible. I also work with her. She always yells at me to get a car and my own way down, but I did have a car. My grandmom gave it to me. When my grandmom started getting ad she stole that car off of me. Ya see i was waiting to get my liscense because I was scared. I just dont know what to do. I dont want to move out of my home just because she is like this. Im not ready to be on my own. I dont want to buy an aprtment I wanted to save up for a house. I donno I just see her as being so selfish. Some of the things she says is realy off the wall. I work full time and go to school 2 nights a weeks. What else can I do.

     
    Old 12-13-2004, 02:32 PM   #4
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    Re: Whats going on with my MOM ?

    You can't do much more. Do not blame this on yourself. You sound as if you are very healthy emotionally. You have a few good friends and you need your alone time to think. We all do.

    You didn't say how old your mother is. I am 57 and went through menopause which can cause some of these symptoms. However, it sounds as if your mother is having some other issues that are causing her stress.

    Just don't take this upon yourself. You sound like a very mature young lady. It's alright to be afraid of driving. Who wouldn't be? You work and go to school and are saving up to buy a house. You sound great to me. Don't let your mother get you down.

    You have to lead your own life and she is going to have to find some solutions to the problems that are bothering her. Only she can do that. Keep up with what you are doing and if you can find the nerve, calmly tell her that she cannot talk to you like she is or treat you like she is. You need to set some boundaries with her.

    Good luck and keep posting. There are people here that can listen and help.

     
    Old 12-14-2004, 06:49 AM   #5
    Erin122
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    Re: Whats going on with my MOM ?

    Thank you guys. I think this is the best group I've belonged to. lol the other ones are confusing and stuff. Yes I will not blame it on myself, but sometimes i'ts hard because sometimes she is so convincing.

    Thanks a bunch for being here.

     
    Old 12-14-2004, 08:10 AM   #6
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    Re: Whats going on with my MOM ?

    Sometimes mood swings can be helped with B vitamins--- it helps my wife and sisters.
    Just a suggestion.

    I wish you well---Harry

     
    Old 12-14-2004, 08:47 AM   #7
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    Re: Whats going on with my MOM ?

    I just want to find out what's bothering her.

     
    Old 12-14-2004, 11:56 AM   #8
    susieq52
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    Re: Whats going on with my MOM ?

    sounds like she's depressed. I've been dealing with a depressed mother all my life. She would never see a therapist because you have to be crazy to see one per her. I've just gotten to the point where I don't have anything to do with her any more. I can't or she makes me depressed too.

     
    Old 01-06-2005, 08:34 AM   #9
    Minnieminx49
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    Wink Re: Whats going on with my MOM ?

    Along with your grandmothers disease process, come forgetfullness. Your mother may be hurt, frustrated and in pain with the fact that her mother does not sometimes remember her. It is so much stress taking care of someone in the position. Your mother may always feel exhausted and unloved as she is sole responsible for the care of an elderly mother. It is a thankless job. You can seek counselling on your own so you can cope and get some understanding on all that may be involved with your mothers stress levels. I feel she is abrasive with you because she knows you are safe. She knows you love her and that you will take it. so she takes her frustrations out on you. You can lovingly tell her it is driving you away, you could ask her is she would come to counselling with you for your relationship, or you can ask her to go to a support group together to learn how to cope together.
    It's very stressful but you may not want to leave your self frustrated with your mom too long as the anger inside will build up and intensify. that will do you no good in the long run on your own life, it will keep you in continual bondage.
    You can only change yourself, nobody else. So if you want your life to change sometimes that means totally withdrawing for a while from another person , so they will hopefully see their need for change, or you can just go about changing yourself inside, through counselling, etc. and your life will become less charged. good luck

     
    Old 01-20-2005, 07:41 AM   #10
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    Re: Whats going on with my MOM ?

    If your mom is taking care of GrandMom 24/7 then she is stressed out.

    People that care for someone like that 24/7 usually wind up with many problem & bad health. They literally kill themselves caring for others.

    Some actually die before the one they are caring for.

    Last edited by JinL; 01-20-2005 at 07:41 AM.

     
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