It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Aging Issues Message Board


Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 07-12-2013, 03:10 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1
Trooper99 HB User
Unhappy Guilt

Has anybody been made to feel guilty because they have refused to live with their elderly mom (86). I'm separated from a controlling husband who has cheated on me for years. My dad passed away and my mom says she doesn't like living alone. My psychiatrist thinks it's a bad idea, and I told my mom so. She's offended. I work full time and I wouldn't have any "me" time at all. I know this sounds mean, but mom can be very controlling also. Don't know what to do.


Sponsors Lightbulb
Old 07-14-2013, 06:18 AM   #2
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 45
Budgiegirl HB UserBudgiegirl HB User
Re: Guilt

Quite often in life, we are drawn to situations and relationships that have their roots in our childhood. It sounds as though you married a man who reflected your mother (I.e., controlling, disregard for your wants or needs). Please take your psychiatrist's advice and DO NOT move in with your mother. As you are currently seeing a therapist, then some part of you recognizes your need to start living your life for yourself. We don't get any second chances and insight costs so much that you have to listen to that small inner voice that has been urging you to examine your life -- examine your life to today and ask yourself these questions:
'Am I happy with my life?
Have I accomplished what I wanted?
How much time do I realistically have left?
Do I really want to keep living my life to please others?"

We don't need to crush others in the pursuit of our happiness, but we certainly do not 'owe' anyone our precious life -- your mother has her own life to live, and while you may not mind helping her achieve happiness, you don't 'owe' her your piece of mind.

Guilt is toxic -- tell your mother that while you will alwayslove her, you will restrict contact with her if she insists on playing word games. Something like, 'I love you too much mom to let these word games taint my experiences with you.'

You may need to flat out ignore her when she starts with the guilt trips. It will be hard initially because she is used to pressing your buttons, so you will have to deactivate them. Good luck and God bless.

Closed Thread

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:38 PM.

Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
© 1998-2018 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!