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Where do I begin?

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Old 04-30-2015, 10:01 PM   #1
None ya
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 3
None ya HB User
Where do I begin?

I'm 61 years old, with health issues of my own and no insurance.

But, as my introduction to this forum, I'd rather focus on two of my relatives.

My Mother is 85 years old. She has diabetes, and has to do dialysis three times per week.

My baby brother is 53. He is a Downs baby. His mentality is around that of an eight year old, in my estimation. But, as is common with Downs Syndrome, early onset dementia is apparent. 53 years of age is considered old for a Downs.

He is almost always belligerent, and I would have to say he bullies his (our) Mother and caretaker. While I realize his limited mental capacity, I find it difficult to tolerate his abuse of our mother. This is a behavior which has developed within the past decade or less.

I caught him for a one-on-one the other day and asked him why he is so mean to Mom. I asked him why he can't be nice to her. He said, he doesn't want to.

Now, my brother clearly has problems. When he says he 'has to' do something, what he means is he 'wants to' do something. When something is in the recent past, he says an hour ago. If it was further in the past it was "Ten hours ago". But, I'm kinda clueless as to why he would want to be mean to his Mother. He yells at her, bullies her. I have confronted him about this numerous times. I can't get through to him about how wrong this is.

Last edited by None ya; 04-30-2015 at 10:41 PM.

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Old 04-30-2015, 11:31 PM   #2
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Re: Where do I begin?

None ya, you explained to us that your brother has Downs and early onset dementia. This is the explanation for why he is doing what he is doing. With the developmental age of about 8 plus the dementia which further diminishes his cognitive abilities he is honestly doing the best he can. Have you talked to his doctor about this behavior? Is there medication that could help him reduce his anxiety? Is it possible to separate your Mom and your brother. This is not good for you mother at all. What I do know is that you are not going to talk your brother out of acting the say he is acting. The combination of his low developmental age and the effect of dementia on his brain, he is incapable of feeling the empathy or understanding the instruction you are giving him. Perhaps you should consider alternative placement for one or both of them. Please discuss this with both your brother's doctor and your Mom's doctor!!

Love, deb

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