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Mom with dementia declining quickly

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Old 09-09-2017, 08:36 AM   #1
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kate222 HB User
Mom with dementia declining quickly

I have had my mom living with me for the last 7 months, she has been declining quickly over that time. I take care of my year old grandson and my mom wants all my time. She has gotten physical with me. I can't deal with that while taking care of a toddler. My question is, how do you get past feeling guilty and selfish about putting her somewhere? Please if you've been through this let me know.

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Old 09-09-2017, 01:41 PM   #2
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MSNik HB UserMSNik HB UserMSNik HB UserMSNik HB UserMSNik HB UserMSNik HB UserMSNik HB UserMSNik HB UserMSNik HB UserMSNik HB UserMSNik HB User
Re: Mom with dementia declining quickly

Hi Kate222,

I have been through this twice. Once with my father, once with my stepfather who was like a dad to me. Its HORRIBLE. How do you deal with it? By knowing that A. you have to take care of yourself...and being physically attacked and verbally berated day in and day out is NOT good for you and B. you need to keep your loved one safe.

Some facilities are nicer than others and I highly suggest you tour a few of them and ask the questions such as "how many patients is each nurse or nurse assistant responsible for?" If it is more than 7 or 8, look elsewhere. some of these places have one nurse assistant for every 15 patients, and the patients do not get enough attention. Ask about outtings or day trips, or entertainment for the residents. Many places have people come in to sing and entertain the residents daily or a few times a week. You want her to have this stimulation.

Unfortunately, you really have to bite the bullet and do what is best for both of you. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to keep her at home. I had a nursing agency come in 3 times a week for 2 hours a time- that was not nearly enough. Then, I had a nurse who came 5 days a week for 7 hours a day, that helped, but I had to pay out of pocket and after 2 months could not afford it. Eventually I realized that there was no answer except to do the facility.

Truth be told, I wish I had done it sooner. They took very good care of my dad and my step dad- this was 2 years apart in 2 different facilities. They were both demented enough that they really didnt mind being there. My father thought it was a hotel, my stepdad referred to it as "his office".

Best of luck and please know you are not alone!
RRMS- dx 05

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