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Optimum time to find this board???

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Old 02-05-2006, 04:48 PM   #1
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needtoescape HB User
Optimum time to find this board???

When did most of you find this board? Was your loved one already well into the stages? Do you wish you had found it in the very very beginning??

I have to admit that I am finding it hard to "look ahead" at the things that I will possibly (probably) face in the future. I find myself feeling panicky and thinking I can't possibly cope with the things you are coping with... And I wonder if I would be better off not thinking of the things to come, not knowing? I keep trying to calm myself, talking to myself - telling myself to just learn what I can but not let the future prospects overwhelm me - telling myself (as you have told me) that I will learn to cope as I have to face the new difficulties. But I have to admit, it scares me enough that I can almost imagine myself going catatonic from the fear! Part of me thinks I would be better off if I stopped reading posts and came back in a few stages... the other part of me is trying to prepare myself, steel myself (not possible I don't think)... and it is very helpful to have the support even in these early stages so I guess I will try to keep my head up out of the sand for a while, but when it gets too much, I might just bury my head for a little while and pretend things are ok...

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Old 02-05-2006, 05:11 PM   #2
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cyt HB User
Re: Optimum time to find this board???

Pretend away, if that's what it takes to get you through each day. I try to do that too. I try not to borrow trouble and try to take each day as it comes. My husband gets moody and it's usually worse on the weekends when we are all together so much. Maybe I just notice it more then. I dread Sunday - it seems to be the worst. He has a memory problem and his personality has changed (not for the better). We haven't done a thing about it. He doesn't see it. The kids and I notice it all the time. I'm just hoping and praying it goes slowly. He is 58. His dad has dementia big time. He is 86. Sometimes I feel I am living in the Twilight Zone. So I don't think about the what ifs and the big picture. I think about the here and now. This day, today. How am I going to get through today. If we all thought about what was facing us, we'd go crazy with worry and fear. I know you are holding your breath waiting for the dx - I will say a prayer for you all and hope for the best outcome. I'm glad I found this board, it's so much better than the other one I used to go to where all they did was fight and backbite each other - who needs that? We have enough problems. This is a great one! I could have used it a few years ago. I learn so much. The main thing I've learned is that this is the strangest disease I've ever heard about and I just keep wishing and hoping that a cure and a cause can be found. There's got to be some commen link - don't you think? There are too many folks now who have AD. It almost makes me feel that if I live long enough, I will get it too. Well, enough said, I hope you keep on posting as long as you feel good about it. Take care, C

Old 02-05-2006, 05:45 PM   #3
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BarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB User
Re: Optimum time to find this board???

Hi -

I found this board in 5/03, already after Mom had wandered from the ALF and her pretty apartment and was in a NH having forgotten even how to walk. Up until then, I'd done what I had to, read what I could, and hoped for the best (or at least not the worst). Talking to others here was wonderful. Mom would live only 16 more months, but I had no clue about that.

I know it's more difficult for you who try to keep your bundles at home, but since I had to move Mom into an ALF so she'd be safe until I could move here, I have a different point of view. Once I got the legal ducks in a row (registered the DPOA with the county and obtained certified copies to send to the banks and financial institutions, utility companies, tax office and such) it was mostly paying the bills and taking a day at a time, a visit at a time, and a crisis at a time thereafter. I had to also deal with our cross-country move, settling in a new-to-us house, the start on a house remodel, and clearing my aunt's home. It had been my grandparent's home, bought new in 1928, but left to my cousin and me so it had to be sold to settle our aunt's estate; I wanted my fingerprints on everything before it left the house; I loved the time spent there as my mother had been 12 years old when they moved in. My plate was really full.

As far as Mom's condition, prognosis, and downhill slide, I wanted to know the signs of what was coming so I'd recognize when the end was near. That's just me. You each do whatever floats your boat about educating yourselves or not. Either approach is just fine. Don't listen to any criticism from anyone.

Hugs - Barbara

Old 02-05-2006, 06:19 PM   #4
Join Date: Apr 2005
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Sandyspen HB UserSandyspen HB User
Re: Optimum time to find this board???


I agree with C. You do what you have to do to get through it, one day at a time. That's all you can do.

I seldom saw my Mom, so I didn't have a clue she was ill. She had remarried and hunted down all of her new hubby's children that he'd never known. She had little time for me or my 2 brothers.

When her second hubby passed away, she would call and I would visit occasionally because she was lonely. (Not often enough to see that she had a problem.) My grandson was 10 and she had never seen him, though she lived in the same city.

The calls became more frequent and eventually frantic. It didn't really dawn on me though until she was diagnosed last April. She was stage 5/6 then.

I've never wished that I had known sooner. Our relationship was already fractured so I don't think it would have made much difference.

I started hunting for message boards as a barometer for all the strange behavior Mom exhibited.

All the ladies here have helped so much. Besides validating that some new behavior is just part of the disease, they also offer all the ways they've learned to cope. Anything that helps!

Old 02-05-2006, 08:28 PM   #5
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angel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB User
Re: Optimum time to find this board???

I had been living with my inlaws for 6 months by the time I found this board, and I'm pretty sure Barbara and Martha will back me up with the fact I was beside myself with anger, frustration and hurt.

Optimum time? Always .. we never search out help until we really need it .. and we come to boards like this because they're anonymous, non-judgemental venting stations .... we can let out our frustrations, get advice, sympathy and EMPATHY .. you are amongst people who know EXACTLY what your going through and where your headed and what's going to happen.

One thing with AD .. the charge may be an individual, and time restraints differ, but the symptoms and problems are across the board.

Hugs ..... that's what we're hear for .. to teach and learn.


Old 02-07-2006, 10:17 PM   #6
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Location: Texas
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WannaBeFreeToRoam HB UserWannaBeFreeToRoam HB UserWannaBeFreeToRoam HB User
Re: Optimum time to find this board???

Hi everyone,

I really cannot remember when I first came. It seems like about a year ago. I lurked here for quite some time and then just slowly ventured in!!! :> Boy, am I glad I did. These wonderful, helping, loving people on this board, have really literally kept me sane! If it was not for them, I would probably be screaming at my mom, everyday!!! We still argue, sometimes, but no longer loudly and not for very long. Just maybe 5 min. at the most and then it is over. My dad is the one with the AD and Parkinson and the farthest along, but my mom is the one that is so much trouble to deal with!!!!!

I think I came at the correct time. My dad was not too far along, about 6 mo. approx. after diagnosis. And my mom had not been diagnosed with her uncontrolled diabetes (just with diabetes) and had not been diagnosed with early dementia. Now, everything has changed. Both have gone up levels and gotten worse, mentally and physically. I just do not know if my mom knows she has?!

My dad asked me to help him balance their checkbook in January about 2 years ago. Then in March of that same year, he told my neice that he did not feel right. So, she took him to the dr. and kept me informed and then I sort of took over. Slowly, mind you. First, balancing the checkbook. Then we added paying the bills. Then added getting the tax stuff ready for the CPA. Now, dr. appts., meds in M - S pill holders. And my husband, sister and I do a multitude of other things too!!!

The next big step is to get them to move to at least an asl, that has an attached AD unit. Like everyone says, one day at a time, one little step at a time!!!

Take care ladies.

Love, Wannabe

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