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Am I doing enough?

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Old 11-07-2006, 05:39 PM   #1
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Am I doing enough?

It's been awhile since I've posted here. My Mom, age 80, seems to be in the later stages of alzheimers. She now wears diapers. She stopped recognizing us a few years ago. Most of the time we have no idea what she is saying. This has been so so difficult. I do not want to lose my Mom! She has always been healthy and never had to take any meds until this disease gradually struck. I still have hope for some miracle cure to come around while my Mom is still alive and will benefit it from it tremendously. Although I am not sure if my Mom understands me, I do explain to her that we must keep her healthy so that she will be around for the cure!

Anyway, although I have been told that I have been a wonderful daughter to my parents, especially in their time of need, I still feel like i haven't done enough. (My Mom and Dad live together. We presently have 24-hour care for my Mom in her home thru medicaid.) I call them practically every day. I try and visit weekly. I talk to the aide/s to make sure they have anything they need to make their job easy and to let them know that my Mom is precious to me and I want Mom's needs taken care of promptly and lovingly. I take Mom to her appts. I make sure she has things she needs, Pajamas, wipes, diapers, tissues, comfortable clothing, her favorite music, etc. I recently bought my Mom a health food product that was in the news stating that it cleans out the tangles in the brain. I forgot the name but it is the main ingredient in Curry.

I wished I lived close enough to stop by every day to check on her, to comfort her, to hug her, to make her smile.

Sorry this is long... i guess i have been wanting to just vent. but... am i doing enough? Is there something more I should be doing?

I wish I could just buy a bigger home and have her move in with me so I can take better closer care. I imagine having a mother/daughter home... my Mom would have her own personal living space... right next to me and my family's living space. I would commit myself to being there for Mom every day and at the same time be there for my family too.

Thanks for listening.

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Old 11-07-2006, 09:36 PM   #2
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Re: Am I doing enough?

Dear Min,
God Bless your heart and give you strength. I can truly understand as we all
can Im sure. I feel the same way as you do and it is so hard on us as children. My mom has been in the nursing home now for nine months and every day she is on my mind and in my heart. Sometimes I cry even at work ( today was one of those days ). Everyone says the same stuff to me Jess, you are a good daughter, even one of the older men who was friends with my Dad (who's now deceased) said to me today Your Dad would have been very proud of you. All I can tell you is maybe we have a special kind of heart. I tried to take care of my mom and kept her almost two years from NH care but it became so overwhelming. Martha is right she knows because she did it also. One person cant be 24hour caregiver alone. My mom walks the halls at the NH she is in and constantly is looking for me. Sometimes they have to give her injections etc. to calm her. I still get so tired because I go there at least three to four times a week and call daily. She is thirty mins. away purposely because I wanted the best facility around. I think about bringing her home all the time agian, she does not wear diapers yet but is beginning to become a little bit incontinent. I still worry about everything pertaining to her, sometimes I think Im going to go crazy... I always feel guilty, and I wish I could be more like others and go on with life and not be so consumed but it's my mom and she was and still is my best friend even if she dont remember me at times. You are a good daughter and no doubt your like the rest of us worn out and helpless to this disease. Take a few moments for yourself somehow, force yourself . I've done it and sometimes it is all I need to keep me going. Vent here anytime, we care about you....... jess

Old 11-08-2006, 01:49 AM   #3
Martha H
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Re: Am I doing enough?

Dear Min,

Yes you are doing enough. You have thought of everything. You are a kind. loving daughter. I also hope your Mom survives long enough to benefit from new medicines coming out in the future, but even if not, you will know you did yur best.

Jess, you and I also did our best even though our mothers had to go to nursing homes eventually. I am not ashamed that I was not able to keep her at home. My brother still has guilt issues because she fell and broke her hip 'on his watch' .. but we can't prevent every mishap.

We are all doing what we can within the limits of our own strength and resources. God bless all caregivers!



Old 11-08-2006, 04:01 AM   #4
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Re: Am I doing enough?

Thank you Jess and Martha for writing. You and many others are the heroes. God bless the heroes!

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