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I have a quick question

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Old 11-09-2006, 04:42 PM   #1
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I have a quick question

My Mom lives in a senior apt. complex (NOT assisted living - however, some there do have aides that come in). Anyway, there is a lady living there that has AD. I've been around her some and she doesn't know which end is up most of the time. There is a lunchroom where they can go and eat on weekdays, or have their meals delivered, so this lady decided she didn't want to go eat anymore but she didn't know how to call and ask for delivery. Now she doesn't want to bathe and clean up and runs around the lobby in her PJ's - it's really sad. However, my Mom and the others feel that this lady shouldn't be living there alone. She wouldn't know how to call for help if she did need it. Plus, she could get out and wander off, or burn the place down! Do you all think we should go to the manager (the manager doesn't seem to care about these things, as she doesn't live there). My Mom is wanting to move, as she feels it is becoming more like a nursing home there, and it shouldn't be. Well, guess I just had to let off some steam. Good day, C

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Old 11-09-2006, 05:14 PM   #2
Martha H
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Re: I have a quick question

Dear Cyt,

Yes you absolutely should go to the management, maybe together with other residents, explain what you have seen in a caring and concerned way, and see what they say. It is dangerous for that poor demented soul to be there all on her own. She needs assisted living at the least, more likely a NH. She must have a 'next of kin' who can be contacted by the administration. Good luck. Your social conscience may save lives! My Mom came close to burning the house down several times!


Old 11-09-2006, 08:25 PM   #3
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Re: I have a quick question

Thanks Martha - you've given me courage to go do that! The poor lady does have a daughter that comes and sees to her, but the complex has become a "dumping grounds" of sorts, where the family members move their loved one with AD in and then ignore the seriousness of the situation. You are right - that lady does need assisted living. I hope I can get the manager to "see the light" about this situation. She has been known to take in AD patients in the past and keep them there until they are really bad. One little ole lady was 98 and fell and then, and only then, did her daughter move her. It's sad. My Mom, who lives there, is 80, but still in her right mind and health. It's depressing for her, so now she wants to move. She has a cute apt. and it's really cheap, and safe (unless someone burns the place down). I wish she didn't want to move because it's so hard to find another place. Wish us luck! C

Old 11-10-2006, 10:47 AM   #4
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Re: I have a quick question

I wouldn't call the manager. I would call social services.

Old 11-11-2006, 06:36 AM   #5
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Re: I have a quick question

Originally Posted by OHchick
I wouldn't call the manager. I would call social services.
If you haven't already talked to the manager, you might consider this suggestion to go above that. Sounds like managment needs watched at a higher level.

If you are pretty sure management is aware of the problem and chosing to ignore it, it might be good for an investigator to look at the bigger picture. You might be helping more than that one person.

Old 11-11-2006, 07:30 PM   #6
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Re: I have a quick question

That's true - and thanks all for your good advice! Oh, and my Mom told me today that the lady with AD got two meals delivered to her yesterday, one for lunch and one to save for dinner. She came out into the lobby and starting asking everyone she saw what she was suppossed to do with the styrofoam plate that the meal came on. They all told her to throw it in her trash can. She told them she didn't know where it was. Then she asked them what she was suppossed to do with her 2nd meal. She was really confused. Then later on she got out and started walking around the grounds, Mom was afraid she would wander off but then Mom just got tired of trying to watch out for her and went in. It's sad.

Old 11-12-2006, 02:00 AM   #7
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Re: I have a quick question

yes it is very sad, my mum,when delivered a hot meals on wheels would put it in the freezer, thinking that that was where meals go:

Old 11-12-2006, 11:49 AM   #8
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Re: I have a quick question

I know someone who went to visit her parents (in another city) to find that they were neatly stacking all their meals on wheels in the hall cupboard, and were in fact quite malnourished. Until then she had strongly resisted the idea of nursing home care, but that was the trigger that changed her mind!!!!

Old 11-13-2006, 05:30 AM   #9
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Re: I have a quick question

Yep, me too. That's what made me "see the light."

I would go to my mom's once a week and we'd shop for groceries. I finally noticed the only thing that every disappeared were the cookies. And she was buying 4 packages a week. She'd been living on cookies for several weeks and I thought I was doing a good job looking out for her with my weekly visits.

I don't think you ever know how really bad it is till you live with them.

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