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No Driving For Mom...

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Old 11-10-2006, 05:04 PM   #1
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No Driving For Mom...

My mom has slight Dementia. She basically is at the stage where she gets terribly confused over the simplest everyday things. I've already been taking care of her checkbook and bills for several years now. I also have POA, thank goodness.

She hadn't driven in over a year because of hip-replacement surgery as I've been the one driving her to and from appointments. Every now and then she'd bring up the subject of driving again..and I'd hedge her off by making excuses.

Told her we'd ask her PCP next time we see him and see what his thoughts were. You don't know what a relief it was (for me anyway) when he shook his head "no" and brought up her current health concerns of dizziness and arthritis as reasons why she shouldn't...didn't mention the confusion and forgetfulness she has which was very kind of him.

I've told Mom at least three times now that she has the beginnings of Dementia and that's why she was put on Aricept (stopped taking it; made her too nauseaus)...but she never recalls me telling her. Each time it's like she is hearing this for the first time.

Needless to say, she's upset that she's lost her independence to drive (she never drove much, let alone get on an expressway...ever!) so I think it's just the fact that she can't hop in the car to go to the dentist on her own or the corner store, is what's bothering her most. Today when I talked to her she has it in her mind that the doctor only thinks this is temporary, and I had to reinforce that this was for the long haul.

I've stressed to her how it would be worse if she hurt someone she didn't see (has vision probs too) or hurt someone else, but I can tell she is depressed about the whole thing in general.

How do all of you cope with telling Mom or Dad that driving days are overwith? Do they eventually stop talking about it and forget about it, or does it leave a lasting impression of a feeling of defeat?

Your thoughts are appreciated.

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Old 11-10-2006, 06:59 PM   #2
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LuvMyLilDoggie HB UserLuvMyLilDoggie HB UserLuvMyLilDoggie HB UserLuvMyLilDoggie HB User
Re: No Driving For Mom...

My dad is no longer living with me but when he was, he would get his mind on something like driving to my sister's house 12 hours away. Or going to Wisconsin to visit his brother 5 hours away. I learned the hard way to stop telling him that he can't do something anymore. When I did, he would get depressed or angry. So I had to put my thinknig cap on and quickly come up with some white lie to pacify him. I began to tell him he had doctor appts next week. We need to see what the doctor thinks. I told the doctor I was making her the bad guy and she said "Whatever works".

We've been taught by our parents to not lie but I figure as long as it calms them down and pacifies them, that's really the goal. I'd rather lie through my teeth to my dad than to see him as depressed as he was before antidepressants.

You don't know what a relief it was (for me anyway) when he shook his head "no" and brought up her current health concerns of dizziness and arthritis as reasons why she shouldn't...
Oh yes I DO know! It's like a ton of bricks lifted off your shoulders, isn't it?

I've thanked my dad's doctor a gazillion times for being the bad guy (ooops! girl LOL!).

Love, Barb
Live, Love, Laugh.

Old 11-10-2006, 07:19 PM   #3
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Re: No Driving For Mom...

Thanks so much, Barb. At the time these things happen to me, I feel all alone in the world with trying to reason with mom w/o hurting her anymore than she has been.

You're right about the little white lies. I guess I'm going to have to bite the bullet and keep hedging around things. I've already lied when she asked me if the whole family had a meeting about her driving. Told her no, when actually, it was discussed in length with both my brothers and my aunt at different times and all said she shouldn't drive. My worst fear is me handing back the keys and her getting into an accident and hurting someone or herself.

Thanks again!

Last edited by sunnydaze1; 11-16-2006 at 08:07 PM.

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