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Old 12-24-2006, 09:05 PM   #1
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Northern California
Posts: 2
doloress HB User
I'm new here...

My 74 year old husband of over 30 years has vascular dementia. He's currently taking Razadyne ER and has been for about 6 months. I'm hoping to gain some insight into dealing with his moods. Right now, he's angry all the time and argumentive. Unfortunately, he directs his anger my way.

How do you deal with this? What can I do to keep him from getting volitile?


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Old 12-24-2006, 09:55 PM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: nc
Posts: 25
aim4relief HB User
Re: I'm new here...

the only thing maybe i can think of if you can afford to hire a home health aid just to be around to help in those violent times, at least you have some help.
your in my prayers hope you figure something out.

Old 12-25-2006, 06:25 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 3,441
LuvMyLilDoggie HB UserLuvMyLilDoggie HB UserLuvMyLilDoggie HB UserLuvMyLilDoggie HB User
Re: I'm new here...

This I think is one of the most difficult stages. I went through this with my dad a couple of years ago.

The only thing I can suggest is to not argue back and never correct him. If you see the sun shining and he says it's raining, simply say "Yes it is."

Soooo much easier said than done but it does save a lot of grief in the long run.

As the disease progresses, it does get easier in some ways. There will come a day when he is no longer angry. Someone on this board told me that a couple of years ago. At that time, I couldn't imagine how it could EVER get easier. But as my dad transitioned from the angry, bitter stage into the placid, go along with it stage, I saw that the people here were right. It's depressing to see dad get worse with this disease (he has AD). But I sure am glad the combative side of this disease has passed.

I hope you have a very peaceful Christmas!

Love, Barb
Live, Love, Laugh.

Old 12-26-2006, 10:28 AM   #4
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Bloomington,Mn. USA
Posts: 75
mamaduck4 HB User
Re: I'm new here...

I know you will find many friends and help on this board. There is a wealth of information and you will find answers to many of your questions as I have!

My husband just turned 75 in December and was diagnosed with AD five years ago. He too is in the mood swing stages and becomes very angry and swears and talks to himself a lot. If I take issue with anything he says he gets right in my face and yells at the top of his lungs. Sometimes it scares me a little and my kids are worried about me. However, he has never laid a hand on me (yet).

I don't know if you have noticed whether or not this is more common in the everning than during the morning hours. I notice that this is most common with my husband in the late afternoon or evening hours. Nothing is right with him then and he finds fault with the food I prepare and says it tastes like cement and spits it out, etc. He doesn't seem to like the foods that he used to really enjoy. I have noticed also that he seems to go for the soft food. Has anyone else found this to be true???

This stage has been lasting a while and I sure will be glad when it passes. I don't mean for him to become worse faster but this is really miserable!!!!

Take care and good luck to you.


Old 12-31-2006, 07:52 PM   #5
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 9
AliceJane HB User
Re: I'm new here...

Hi Dolores,

It's NOT FAIR that the person nearest and dearest is the one singled out for the anger and outbursts.... but that's the way it is and we have to find ways to cope. My husband just cornered me in the kitchen to accuse me again of taking his money. He came very close to hitting me, but an hour later was eating dinner calmly. He's been taking Seroquel, and started low-dose Sertraline a few days ago. We hear that we're not supposed to contradict; explaining doesn't help either. But I still have a tough time calmly agreeing, saying 'yes, dear, I really am a b____; we are not really married; I have been stealing all your money; I have been going off with every man I meet.'

I know that one reason folks with ADRD do better in nursing homes is that there are interactions with a number of different caregivers each day. My resolution will be to find ways to get more people---paid and unpaid--- interacting with my husband each day so it's not just me and him at home.

It's good to know I'm not alone!


Old 01-05-2007, 08:16 PM   #6
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Northern California
Posts: 2
doloress HB User
Thank you

To those folks that replied to my thread about my husbands anger. This is all so new. I just need to learn to adjust to this new stage.

This board is insightful and very interesting. I will continue to monitor it.


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