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what i've dreaded:

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Old 01-03-2007, 02:54 AM   #1
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Jess22 HB User
what i've dreaded:

Hi All, Happy New Year to everyone.
Last posting I was asking about advice pertaining to mother moving closer to us here. Well the decision was made for us today, Over the weekend mother attacked one of the "great" little aides that has been so wonderful to her and so today I recieved the dreaded call they want to move her to a locked unit. I met with the director of nursing and all the staff and they basically said they feel she has become to hard for them to manage, they were nice about it but suggested that they felt like mother was becoming too aggresive and a threat to herself as well. For whatever reason I feel peaceful about it, I dread moving her and starting this new phase but I can really see a huge decline in mom. She can barely hold her attention span for more than a few minutes now, she is constantly walking and searching for her mother, dad, brothers, etc. It is so heartbreaking to not be able to soothe her fears. I was able to give her a shower today and she was very cooperative to me, she keeps asking me to take her home and she can give me her check and do my housework..... so sad, My sister is very mad and just angry I suppose about having to move her into the locked unit. She keeps thinking it is because mom is now out of money and medicaid pending and they are no longer getting 5000.00 a month but our 350.00 instead for the private room. I' am of course trying to be strong for everyone, she will be here now where we are only five minutes from her, and we can see her alot more etc. also her doctor here will be a family friend and that will be helpful to us Im sure. I see a differant look in her eyes now it is like she is so tired and hopeless. Im going to check out the unit before I go to work, some of her nurses were crying and the aide she attacked "Deb" said she could beat me to death and I would'nt care !!! her mother is deceased and she has always said mother reminds her of her mom... Oh well keep your fingers crossed for me, I've been up since three this morning cant sleep and I have alot of clients today at work nine hours once I get there so................. jess

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Old 01-03-2007, 04:08 AM   #2
Martha H
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Re: what i've dreaded:

Dear Jess,

I am sorry this has happened. I hope your mother adjusts well to the move. In a way it's better for you because you can see her more often

I can reassure your sister that it's not about Medicaid. My Mom had to go on Medicaid in April after her own life savings were gone - but nothing changed in the way she is being treated.

Good luck and God bless you all,

Old 01-03-2007, 09:48 AM   #3
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Re: what i've dreaded:

Jess, on one hand I'm very sorry this happened. But on the other hand, maybe it's a good thing. As you stated, she will be closer and will have a family friend as her doctor. She will get the best of care, I'm sure.

When you said you saw a different look in her eyes, I immediately thought of my grandpa and grandma and the look in their eyes when they got to that stage. It was like a lost look, like they were trying to figure things out. And yes, I saw the tiredness too.

You said you feel peaceful about it. I suspect because now the stress of having to make that decision has been lifted from you and placed into the hands of the professionals. For the first time, you aren't the one having to decide. And you won't feel guilty about it because you didn't make that decision. Whatever the reason for your moments of peace, cherish them.

As always, my prayers are with you.

Love, Barb
Live, Love, Laugh.

Old 01-03-2007, 01:15 PM   #4
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janeslk HB User
Re: what i've dreaded:

My FIL had to go to a lockdown unit a few years ago because he was wandering so much. He became very aggressive and hit another patient. At that point the nursing home said he would have to go to a psychiatric ward. However, with proper medications and no disruptions in routine he has now reached a very mellow stage and remains in his lockdown unit. He seems content and is being weaned off the myriad of drugs he was prescribed to stay calm. He also is alert now when we visit.

I think the move will be a good one for your mother and for you.


Old 01-03-2007, 01:25 PM   #5
Join Date: Sep 2006
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lollylegs HB User
Re: what i've dreaded:

thinking of you Jess, it is stressful time...

I hope that it works out for you, sounds like are being realistic about what is best for your mum at the minute. I used to run a locked dementia ward and honestly if the staff are kind and caring (which they usually are) then its a safer environment for you mum as well. I hope it all goes as smoothly as possible for you .

take care


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