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what do I do now

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Old 01-03-2007, 04:11 PM   #1
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Jess22 HB User
what do I do now

Just when I said I was feeling peace it all has backfired!!!! This afternoon I found out that the locked unit here in our town has no beds available and that mom will have to go on a waiting list with several in front of her. They can give me no time span as to how long it will take. My sister and I are also not happy with the unit, it is very clean and nicely decorated rooms fairly decent size but when I asked if it was a "specialized alz. unit " board certified by the state they said no it is only a "secured" facility. They have no nurse that is on staff 24/7 in the actual unit and they have 8/1 patient aide ratio!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and their is 23 patients in the unit. There were no colored walls or arrows or signs or any of the things I read about in specialized units. I asked if the workers were trained in the alz. disease and needs and they honestly said no more than any other aide on the actual floor of the NH and they rotate aides. Some of the patients were just sitting in front of a big tv and some were sitting in their rooms looking scared, one lady was just walking around in and out of other's rooms and one was just crying uncontrollably in the corner. Two aides were just sitting at a table with one patient. My sister and I cant do it. We refuse to put her in a place that is no more than a holding facility and no wonder we have heard bad stories which explains why I had to put her 40 miles away in the beginning!!!!!!!!
So we are back to square one, I called her NH now and talked with the Director of Nursing and told her I refuse to put her there and she said she understands and didnt know they were not board certifed specialized unit!! Geez!!!!!!!!!!!!! She said they will work with us and give us time they are just afraid for our mom etc. I hate this hick part of the country we live in , now my sis and I are afraid we may have to move her to the largest city around which is 2hrs away but we will do it before we will settle, so in the meantime how do those of you who have loved ones so far away deal with it and can you give me some advice, I feel even more guilty to move her even farther away !!!!!!!!!!! My DH say's no way and we need to just bring her home and try to find someone here to care for her at home while we work!!!!!!!!!! THE PEACE IS DIMINISHING I realized it's not peace it's a manic episode because I have been up for 18 straight hours going strong and still wired!!!!!!!!!!!!! jess

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Old 01-03-2007, 06:04 PM   #2
Martha H
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Re: what do I do now

Dear Jess,

Take ten deep breaths and then look at the bright side. The facility where your Mom is now has said they will give you time and work with you. Take that to mean they are NOT going to throw her out any time soon, or ever. Maybe with a little help from a medical doctor she can be calmed enough never to look like a threat to anyone again, and she can stay there.

You are right not to put her in a place not specifically licensed for AD. While the present facility is giving you this extra time, investigate other facilities. Someone at the doctor's or neurologists's office must have a list of all certified facilities in the state. It does not have to be in a big city. Mom is around 1.5 hours drive from New York City and it is the best facility we could have hoped for. I live in a small town far out in the country, and yet there is a very good nursing home with an Alzheimer Unit only 20 minutes from here.

Meanwhile try and relax enough to get a good night's sleep, no one can think clearly or make any decisions in a state of sleep deprivation.

Taking her home and "getting somebody to look after her while we work" is NO GOOD! I did it, I know. I went crazy with worry.We had expensive bonded home health aides and still on days her usual aide was absent, the agency sent people who had no clue. I got home from work early one day to find my mother arguing loudly with an aide at the apartment door, insisting the aide was 'steaing' her umbrella. Instead of realizing my Mom had dementia, the silly aide was loudly arguing back; instead of 'that's OK, I only need it for a little while" she was yelling "no it's not, it's MINE!"

All the weird things that happen when she is home with you will happen multiplied by 10 when she is home with a stranger. My Mom refused to take naps for fear the 'girl' would steal something. She insisted on going out in a snowstorm with a spring jacket on.

Your mother is safe and sound for now, so don't feel pressuered into doing anything - they said they would keep her there for awhile. Let that comfort you for the time being. Aim at having her a little more sedated so they will keep her.



Last edited by Martha H; 01-03-2007 at 06:05 PM.

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