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Old 02-06-2007, 12:19 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 3
ConnieCody HB User
New to Board

My husband and I are caregivers to his 79 year old mother who has AD and his 86 year old father who because of a fall has been in and out of the hospital for the last 4 months. This means that I have pretty much full care of his Mom right now. She really isn't a problem for most of the day except that she have quite a few other health problems e.g. diabetes, neuropthy, pacemaker IVC, is on oxygen 24/7 well you get the idea. She does Sundown, but that really consists more of asking where she is, do we live with her and when can she go to bed. When she gets agitated she will say she doesn't know what to do and she fills bad, things like that. She was in the hospital as well for 17 days and just came home on Fri. While she was there we had a day where everything she said was complete gibberish, and she picked at the covers, etc. Normally she picks at her face and of course she is making sore places. When to ask her to stop, she says she can't help it. She no longer can follow or have a conversation and when we are talking wants to know what we are saying. There are quite a few other things, but that is the general situtation.

We are doing all we can to keep both her and her husband in the home. But sometimes it just seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. My husband is 58 and I am 56. We have 2 children, 6 grandchildren and 1 great-grandchild. But, our whole life is taken up here. We do have some help from his brother and sister, plus my daughter-in-law some and my daugher helps out when she can.

I would just like to talk to anyone who understands what we are going through.

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Old 02-06-2007, 01:23 PM   #2
Martha H
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Re: New to Board

You have come to the right place. I think everyone here understands perfectly. We have all been through it or are still in it.

I took care of my Mom for 5 years, living with her and being her caregiver while working full time. It didn't work out- it was impossible to leave her alone and eventually we 3 siblings decided that a NH was the answer, where she is now (and quite satisfied.) Sometimes it is just impossible. Before she went into the nursing home, Mom had fallen and broken a hip and it didn't heal, so she is wheelchair bound. She has also been incontinent for quite some time, ever while she lived with me ... Mom is now 98.

I understand what you are going through and I pray you will have the strength to deal with each problem as it comes up, but do keep the option open of having her in a good nursing home where she gets around the clock care. Otherwise you may be the person who has to stay up around the clock, (I did it) and that is NOT compatible with having any kind of life of your own.

Love and best wishes,


Last edited by Martha H; 02-06-2007 at 03:08 PM.

Old 02-06-2007, 01:40 PM   #3
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,508
angel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB Userangel_bear HB User
Re: New to Board

HI there and welcome to a very friendly and understanding forum!!

Unfortunately, you are not in a unique situation. Each and every one of us have been, or are still in your shoes. We do understand exactly what you are going through and how you are feeing. We understand the impact this has on your family, your health and those around you.

We don't have answers, but we do have interventions and tactics to help you through this time, and you will find we're a loyal bunch always ready to step in and help diffuse situations and be a shoulder to cry on when the frustration get's too much.

You say "I feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel" and you are correct in saying that, because AD is indeed a tunnel for our loved one with no hope of being able to get out of it. Their world is imploding on them and they cannot come into ours.

The first lesson of dealing with AD is to understand they won't get better and they're not doing 'weird stuff' on purpose. Once you've mastered the understanding of that, a lot will fall into place. It doesn't make it any easier, but it does help.

My best advice is to read as many posts as you can, we have all been through everything you have been through and are about to go through and many interventions and tactics have been dicussed and proven successful. It's a hard road you have embarked on, but we are here for you.


Old 02-06-2007, 01:57 PM   #4
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 3
ConnieCody HB User
Re: New to Board

Thank all of you for your replies. It really is and will be wonderful to talk to people with which I have so much in common..

God Bless,


Old 02-06-2007, 02:01 PM   #5
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Bloomington,Mn. USA
Posts: 75
mamaduck4 HB User
Re: New to Board

It is good that you discovered this board. You will find a wealth of information and such nice people. I know that I have been really helped a lot just knowing that there are so many people to help with questions that come up. This disease is the worst! It is hard to believe how it robs a person of all dignity. As if that isn't bad enough, the caregiver(s) really get the short stick. Everyone says, you have to understand that it is not your loved one saying or doing those things so you mustn't take it to heart. That my friend is probably the hardest thing to do. No matter how often you tell yourself that this behavior is not directed to you by the person you love it still hurts big time.

Keep in touch and check out this board each and every day possible. You will be happy you did. You have A LOT OF COMPANY HERE!


Old 02-09-2007, 05:30 AM   #6
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Near London
Posts: 5
jisuba HB User
Re: New to Board

I just want to add my welcome to everyone elses. I can honestly say that I would have cracked completely if I didn't log on every so often and realise I am not alone in all this horror.

So God bless you and with the help of all the wonderful advice you will receive on this forum the problems won't be taken away but hopefully you will feel not quite so desolate.

Old 02-12-2007, 01:25 PM   #7
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 66
lollylegs HB User
Re: New to Board

Hello Connie,

I just wanted to add my welcome to the others.
This is the only place I can come where people really understand what it is like to care for someone with dementia. reading these posts keeps me going when it feels like it's all getting too much.

hugs to you and welcome


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