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1st dad. Now MIL.

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Old 03-10-2007, 12:18 PM   #1
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1st dad. Now MIL.

MIL has not been diagnosed with any type of dementia because:

1. Family is in the worst case of denial I have probably ever seen.

2. As a result, no one will make an effort to be around when the doctor comes to her house to check on her.

She is diabetic with severe arthritis and obese. She was released yesterday from the hospital and is back home. The doctor came to see her every time when no one was there so no one really knows what's going on with her except she has a bad bladder (don't know what's wrong with it) and has edema in both of her legs. There is one son living with her. Although he is very helpful to her, I wouldn't call him a totally reliable caregiver. His memory isn't all that great either.

I've tried to approach the subject with some of the family but they are so against testing or even talking to my MIL about it. They say she's "just forgetting". She's going downhill much faster than my dad is. I can see it plain as day. The day she went into the hospital, I asked her what her youngest son's phone # was. She gave me his home phone and I got an answering machine. She then gave me his cell phone #. Mind you this was from memory. The day she came home from the hospital, she called me and said "I just got home from work". She hasn't worked in over 10 years! I said "Oh. I'll bet you're glad to be home". And so the conversation went.

She's been getting highly agitated and furious about little things or nothing at all. She's always been kind of like that but nothing to this extent. No one can stand to be around her for more than a half hour or so at a time. She knows her memory is failing and she's scared. Her brother is in end stage dementia now. She knows what's coming. She's not in denial and never really was. It's her kids that are driving me batty with the denial instead of getting her tested. No one even knows if there's a medical POA for her. I do suspect that two people know and that's one of her sons and his wife. They just for whatever reason aren't telling. The wife graduated law school so she did a will for Ma then. Oh, that son and my hubby are co-executors.

I started to post this a few days ago but my hubby woke up from his nap. That's how touchy this subject is for that entire family. No one will even take their heads up out of the sand for a SECOND to explore this!

In the meantime I keep praying for MIL, that nothing bad happens to her.

Love, Barb
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Old 03-10-2007, 12:44 PM   #2
Martha H
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Re: 1st dad. Now MIL.

Dear Barb, sorry to hear all this.

The fact that she is now more delusional than before being in the hospital is 'to be expected'. Going into hospital is traumatic, and all the tests, medications, etc could make anybody irrational, at least for a little while.

Talking about just getting home from work reminds me very much of my Mom and how she used to talk during the middle stages of AD. But if this is the first time you have seen anything like this, wait and see if it stops after she's been home for awhile.

Your husband ought to be the one to go and listen to her doctor with her - Mom also came out every time and said ''Doc says I'm fine, nothing wrong with me at all" only for us to find subscriptions, free samples of pills, and she didn't know the reason he gave them to her!

Finally my brother took her to all appointments and sat in there with her for all consultaions, and heard (and told) sides of the story unknown to the doctor and unknown to Bill. Mom was ''telling tall tales" to the Doc for years - telling him places she had been to 'that week' (actually 10 or 15 years ago), things she had eaten, books she was reading, and so forth. She made an intelligent and believable impression - until the Doc knew the facts.

I almost think anyone around 80 or older needs someone to accompany them to the doctor, just because ''4 ears hear more than 2" and then one or the other of you can remember what he or she said! And remember to say everything on your mind.

"Bladder trouble" can be anything from a UTI to a cancerous growth, to one of the many types of incontinence or impaired continence, which are treatable and curable. Just to come out saying "I have bladder trouble' is NOTHING - not even a diagnosis. One of her kids needs to call the office and explain that Mom was not sure just what it was that was said about her bladder trouble what it is and what can be done .. maybe there's an antibiotic in her purse not being taken!

Poor you, Barb, first your Dad and now this ... I feel so sorry for you ..

Love and prayers,


Last edited by Martha H; 03-10-2007 at 12:45 PM.

Old 03-11-2007, 12:12 PM   #3
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Re: 1st dad. Now MIL.

You wanna know the best part? The doctor couldn't check out her bladder because the hospital said they didn't want to risk insurance liability. What???? She's on Medicare and has private insurance as well. But the doctor said he would do the testing in his office. And everyone knows she can't get there! It almost killed her getting her home from the hospital. So no doctor visit.

She has had a catheter in her for some time but it was removed a few weeks ago due to severe deposits clogging the tubes.

Anyway, I just cannot understand WHY her children don't question anything. Oh yeah----denial.....

Love, Barb
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