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Needing Advice/Kind Words

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Old 03-11-2007, 06:13 PM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: NC
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Zlerf HB User
Unhappy Needing Advice/Kind Words

Hi all!!!

First off I am 23 years old and I have a father who is 80, he will be 81 in November.

He was diag. a few years ago with Azlhiemers, refused any of the medication because it would take away his driving abilities. Well he progressively got worse, until last June he had a hemmorragic stroke. He was really confused and it seemed to fast track the dementia. I took him under my care, until November when he hit my 2 year old daughter for no reason at all. (Please don't get upset, he didn't realize he did this...He couldn't even remember he did this 5 minutes later. He loves her dearly). I got him put into a rather nice establishment. I think I cried for 2 days straight after making this decision it was the hardest one I have ever had to make, but he started wandering off and getting lost if I went to the bathroom for more than 2min or was in the kitchen cooking dinner. JUst getting agitated, and was really confused all the time.

At the begining of Jan they noticed a decline in his dementia, he started having aggressive outbursts. Sexually addressing residents and nurse's. He hit two people in one weekend 2 weeks ago, and they shipped him to the geriatric pysch unit for eval. They lowered his depacot, and put him on ativan (spelling?) 24/7 to control his behaviour. He came back from the place on Thursday, I went to see him Friday and the CNA who loves him dearly said he didnt look good when he came back. He was voiding in the hallway's, he tried to hit someone the night before even with the medication. I saw him, and he was weak and shakey. Not making any sense, he knew I was his daughter but forgot a few times. Thought my daughter was me as a child, and such. My brother went up later and saw him and he got up and walked a bit with his help. He was really uneasy on his feet, so they wanted him in a wheel chair to hopefully prevent him from falling.

After I left he actually struck a CNA, and they decided to put him on zyprexa. Today when we brought him lunch he was a zombie, my husband had to feed him. I couldn't do it myself, all I could do to stop from crying was run off. He's so thin now and weak, I don't know what to do. I dont know if he being over medicatied or the dementia is progressing so badly this is natural and bound to happen anyway. The dr in the pysch unit explained to me about the body not processing food as well as it should.

I just don't know what to do, It's getting harder and harder and harder to go see him. I was always Daddy's little girl and I am on the verge of tears now everytime I see him or think about how bad he is off. I keep hoping for some miricle drug cocktail someone can suggest to help bring his mind back, take him off of this drug or that one.

My husband says they have to keep him on these medications (he is a nurse and works in a NH on the azlhimers unit at a different facility) for his own safety and the safety of others. That he is so confused and dementia ridden now he could get into a fight with someone and break a hip or possibly severly injure another resident. They are taking all the nessicary precautions, bed alarms,wheel chair, and one on one care for him. Everyone really loved him there when he was first admitted. Said he was a joy to have, sang carried on all the time. And that the 'freakishly tired' I was seeing today was just because they had JUST given him the zyperxia....

Is there anything I can do?
I keep hoping something will happen, maybe he will wake up and snap out of it one day. I know i'm so foolish for thinking this, I just was not ready for this. I'm 23, I just had his first ever grandbaby 3 years ago....I don't know...

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Old 03-11-2007, 06:44 PM   #2
Martha H
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Re: Needing Advice/Kind Words

Dear friend, I fully understand your wish that he will somehow snap out of it. If he has Dementia, that won't happen. I would also like my Mom to go back to being her real self, instead of the 'imposter' now living in her body .. but for me, it is almost as if she died a couple of years ago.

In my opinion it is better to have him calm and tired, than making sexual advances, being agitated, and casing a ruckus. Eventually they will find the happy medium between dozing all day long and being in a rage. Give them time. Don't try to interfere, especially since your husband knows a lot about it.

I feel for you, it is a horrible disease, and you lose the person you love. My Mom was my best friend. My role model, and the best of all mothers. Now she sits in a wheelchair not sure where she is, but is still peaceful and compliant. She never did go into the angry phase. Your dad will also move beyond this stage into something more peaceful; unfortunately he loses more and more of his mental powers as it progresses.

I still hope that research will find a cure for this - but it is already way too late for my mom. Concentrate on your little daugher and your life, and be glad you had such a loving father this far.



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Old 03-12-2007, 06:17 AM   #3
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janeslk HB User
Re: Needing Advice/Kind Words

We have been through a similar scenario with my FIL, who is 85. He has dementia caused by strokes and was medicated to the gills because he became so agitated and violent. He also became a zombie, but gradually his medications have been reduced over the past few months.

He is now alert when we visit, but does not respond to much of anything we say to him. I am sorry you are going through this. It is so depressing to see a loved one in this state.


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Old 03-12-2007, 11:06 AM   #4
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: south whitley,IN,USA
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Lori-Lynn123 HB User
Re: Needing Advice/Kind Words

Hello there , i also was my daddys little girl and i was his caregiver for 3 years till he passed away in Jan 2003 he was diagnosed as well with dementia and it was a very hard thing to watch and go through with him he was a preacher for 40 years and a father of 5 and married to my mother who i now take care of and alot of the same things other than the sexual i was lucky there he didnt go through that part , i really dont know what to say cause i know how hard it is and the stress and the crying all u want is to help make him better , the docotors told me the same about his body not being able to handle the food he was on a feeding tube and we gave him special milk my father was bed ridden for the last 8 months of his life his body was shutting down and i had to make the desicion to stop the milk which of course it felt like i was starving him at that time im sorry for rambeling i just read ur story and it touched me i feel like i know how u feel and all i can say is all u can do is pray and love him and see him when u can see him i know thats not much help but i do wish u the best and i will have u and ur father in my prayers ,, one of the biggest things i can say to u that may help is to not get lost and consumed by ur fathers condition and i know that is isnt easy not to do , but it is what i did because i loved him so much and i wanted to do whatever it took to make him better problem is he was never getting better and i didnt want to except that , i thought my love for him and me taking care of him would make it better however i did get some good memories that i will have forever my father talked to me the last time 2 months before he died and he told me that i was a good girl and that i had done all i could and he knew that and that he loved me and i was his little angel that i will never forget and then he went into a vegetated state and never returned i belive with all my heart that god sent me in there so i could here him and know that he loved me as much as i loved him and i really hope that u realize that u are doing whats best for ur dad and that he loves u as much as u love him my advice just be with him as much as u can and keep praying i truely do wish u the best and im sorry if this hasent made to much since good luck and god bless Lori

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