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visiting in the NH

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Old 04-06-2007, 04:00 AM   #1
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visiting in the NH

well, today i went and got mums TV ,TV table ,extra clothes,photos,ornaments, my brother and carted them all up to the NH
After carrying everything in and arranging it in her room (lunchtime)
we went to see her in the dining room
she was very pleased to see us (recently moved from the locked down area to the general ward)
she thought i was her son (last time I was her sister) and in her incoherent way informed me twice that the food was good and that the poor old man over "there" ...another resident was struggling to eat
me...all cheerful and stuff... "oh well, you dont have to worry about that!!!"
thinking at the same time "eventually that will be you"
BUT...I walked out of there thinking....I am so lucky because my mum is still mobile,continent and eats....and is content...and is NOT asking to go home
I have gone through a few weeks of PURE anger
then I questioned my thought "I am so lucky"
Considering everyones dilemnas(sp) on this board, I am lucky, considering most normal people, I am not
I have no questions, just sharing my feelings
warm regards,

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Old 04-06-2007, 04:37 AM   #2
Martha H
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Re: visiting in the NH

Dear Jo,

All of us who finally made the hard decision to have our loved one in a nursing home are lucky. I compare my life today with 2 years ago when I was at my rope's end, unable to stand the daily hassles of living with Mom. And SHE was unhappy too! Now she is content to be in the lovely NH where she lives. She is getting worse, of course. My brother visited her yesterday and said he had a hard time waking her up to have a little walk outside - she was fast asleep in her wheelchair. This is happening more and more often. It's OK; she is slipping away.

My trip is on April 28. I hope she holds out until then. The weather here is awful again, snow and ice, killing all the fruit trees (for the season) and making Easter more like Christmas.



Last edited by Martha H; 04-06-2007 at 09:01 AM. Reason: sp

Old 04-06-2007, 08:10 AM   #3
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Re: visiting in the NH

It's great that your mom is adjusting so well! This disease is awful but it's much easier to bear when a loved one is cheerful instead of unhappy.

We didn't get the snow and ice, just flurries. But it is SOOO SOOO cold here for this time of year!

Although my dad isn't with me anymore (he's with my sister), I can relate to feeling lucky. When my sister took my dad almost 3 years ago ( I can't believe it's been that long ago!), I thought she'd have him a few months at MOST. I've let my sister take over everything when it concerns my dad. She's done some very shady things with his money and such but she is taking good care of him. I haven't totally given up on helping him if she becomes unable to. I am willing to take over with outside help if it becomes too much for her.

In the beginning, we agreed that dad would go where he wants to when he wants to. But we had to change that arrangement a bit when he got worse. He started saying "I want to go to R's this weekend." The weekend would come and he would stay in bed saying "Not now." R lives 700 miles from me so it's not like I can pick up and go at the drop of a hat. So we came up with no less than 3 months in one place. That's when we really had to get creative with the lies. You all know what I mean.

We didn't get the snow and ice, just flurries. But it is SOOO SOOO cold here for this time of year! Last night it was in the teens. And it was 71 just a couple of days ago.
Love, Barb
Live, Love, Laugh.

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