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How do you.........?

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Old 05-20-2007, 04:17 AM   #1
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How do you.........?

Does anyone have any tips on how to control my anger, aggitation with my mom? Im having a hard time with not getting angery and aggitated with her. I know this is not her fault or something she can control so its up to me to NOT to get this way. Its just SO hard. When I talk to her I do alot of deep breathing and try to remember she is sick. I just dont know how to deal with it day in and day out. I pray each day that I have the strenght to not get upset, yet by the end of the day I feel like a raw nerve and want to cry like a baby.

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Old 05-20-2007, 09:25 AM   #2
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Re: How do you.........?

Janice - I know how you feel - and my Mom isn't sick - just elderly. I guess most of us have these feelings towards our Mom at times. It makes me feel guilty too. My Mom gets on one subject and won't let up. She also gets depressed and worries about lots of little things. I try to overlook it, but it IS hard at times. If anyone has any suggestions, please let us know. I'm having the same feelings too. Cindy

Old 05-20-2007, 09:44 AM   #3
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Re: How do you.........?

It was the hardest thing I ever had to do - but when I realised I could not continue caring for Mom at home, other arrangements had to be made. I was crying all the time too, not sleeping, and generally 'kaputt." Keeping your loved one at home is not necessarily the best solution, and certainly is not the only one. Check out other options. Is it ideal for the AD patient to be in a home where someone is mad at her all the time? Don't get me wrong - I am not criticising you - it is a frustrating, crazy making task! But nursing home personell are a.) trained, and b.) not emotionally attached to the patient. So they can do it better. Sad, but true.



Old 05-20-2007, 02:30 PM   #4
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Re: How do you.........?

Remember that your parent can't help or change what is happening to them. Also remember that you can't change it and that you are doing the best you can do. Cry if you feel like it. Don't keep it in. Taking care of a person with AD/dementia is one of the most challenging things anyone could ever face. It is overwhelming to most all of us at some point.

What you're experiencing is very normal. You're overwhelmed. Remember that your anger and agitation isn't really directed at your parent, but at the Imposter, the disease that's robbing your parent and you of a decent and normal life and relationship. You're grieving for the parent you're slowly losing. Allow yourself time to grieve.

Check into adult daycare or have a family member or friend care for your parent once in a while so you have some time to yourself.

Remember these two things:


You must take time to relax and enjoy something. Set aside a little time each day where you can be alone with yourself. A long hot bubble bath saved me from losing it many a day.


You're doing the best you can. None of us can do anything perfectly. We all make mistakes. And you know what? That's ok. We do the best that we can and that's what really matters. Don't beat yourself up for trying.

Love, Barb
Live, Love, Laugh.

Old 05-21-2007, 02:07 PM   #5
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Re: How do you.........?

Janice.........most of us have gone thru exactly what you're talking about. Nine years ago, when Mom was first frustration, exasperation, mad feelings....and yes, even compassionate feelings ruled my every thought.

I read everything I could find...talked to the kind people at the Alzhiemer's Foundation...and realized that as hard as this was for was much more difficult for MOM! In the beginning of this disease, most afflicted are somewhat aware of the changes going on...and they are scared...REALLY scared. It takes a ton of compassion and understanding for family members to accept what is happening. NONE of this is anyone's fault.

You're getting some great advice here....especially the suggestion of "time for yourself." I sure do wish I'd found this wonderful caring/sharing place much earlier! Listening shoulders of those who absolutely understand your frustrations does lighten the load just a little.

Hang in there...each phase has different tendancies...unfortunately, you'll learn them easily. Sending positive feelings your way.............Pam

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