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sunnydaze1 07-03-2008 05:54 PM

Kind of quiet I just want an opinion..
Lately when other family members visit my mom, she asks for her mom and where she is. Keeps saying she has to change a lightbulb for her.

On occasion my mom calls me, "mom". Do you think she is referring to me?

Everyone just plays along with it and says that "mom" is home.

The Dir. of Nursing told me that it's best just to destract about the death of a loved one, rather than telling them they've passed on. Mom is even talking about her long-time companion who passed about 4 years ago. It's weird she doesn't talk about my Dad though. But he's been gone about 30 years. Maybe she will get back to that point eventually.

Anyway, have a wonderful Independence Day..if you can!;)

Martha H 07-03-2008 06:53 PM

Re: Kind of quiet I just want an opinion..
My Dad also preceded my mother in death by 30 years. By the end of her life she had entirely forgotten him. She did remember her mother, and was looking forward to seeing her again.

Your Mom may be wishing to see her own Mom, but she also knows that a dearly loved person comes and looks after her often and that is you - but she uses the word Mom to describe the relationship between the two of you.

At other tmes she may know that you are her daughter. It always seemed to me to depend on the time of day - earlier in the day Mom was sharper. As the day wore on she got more and more confused.

Happy Fourth of July for those in the USA.

Happy Canada Day (a little late) for those in Canada.



Gabriel 07-03-2008 10:06 PM

Re: Kind of quiet I just want an opinion..
My Dad talks about going home to see his mother. He says that she needs him to help her. He also talks about his siblings. Of the nine he only has one sister still living. I had to laugh one night. He ask about "Mom" and I told her she was there. I thought he was talking about my Mom/his wife. He looked at me funny and ask where she was sleeping. I said cluelessly, "With you." He looked at me with the strangest look and said, "I'm not sure she would be comfortable because she has never slept with one of her boys." Welcome to his world.

I agree with distracting about the death of a loved one and not repeatedly telling them that they have died. My dad's favorite brother committed suicide. Each time he ask about him mom tells him not only that he died but how he died and each time it upsets him. I just say "He's at home". In a way he is and it makes everything ok.

I agree with Martha that your Mom is seeing a person that cares for her when she calls you Mom. Is there a similarity in appearance between you and her Mom when she was young? Dad calls sister 3 by his sister's name from time to time but the resemblence between sister 3 and his sister at that same age is amazing. Generations get jumbled when you have no time reference and are regressing in memory. You Mom just knows that you love her and takes care of her. She is trying to fit you into where she is at the moment. Your loves comes through to her.

I do hope everybody has a happy 4th of July no matter where you are... and a happy 5th as well :)

Love, deb

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