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Dementia very stubborn

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Old 01-01-2011, 05:02 AM   #1
Chris OB
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Dementia very stubborn

Hi Everyone, I posted back in July when my husband started adult day care. Just a recap I am 49 years old and my husband 59. Adult day care was going fine until recently and yes he does think he is going to his job everyday although the center has told me he really is a big help. This is my problem the last two week once we get there he does not want me to leave always talking about once I leave he can not leave. I also tried talking to him about it that he just needs to go to his job and he does not remember all the stress he puts me through every morning so that is the end of that conversation. Then last Thursday he would not even go in the building for about 15 minutes then something click and he came in and was fine. The center does take him for walks getting hard since I live in NH cold weather. He is on namenda and seroquel. The stressful part for me I need and want to work always calling work saying I am going to be late. My job is understanding right now. He has a good time at the center once we get through the morning. I guess my question is how do you deal with the stubborn part of this disease. I try very hard to keep my voice calm and not show any signs of stress. Please tell me this stage will pass and I will have a few nice mornings. Thanks for listening as you can see I do not have anyone really to talk to. Oh also I am his whole world which is also a lot to handle. Again thanks for listening.

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Old 01-01-2011, 08:28 AM   #2
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Re: Dementia very stubborn

Be thankful your job is understanding and that he eventually goes in. Each day is different and no, he does not remember anything about yesterday nor does he connect with what it might be doing to you. It is difficult to make him understand what he doesn't want to do. You just have to keep moving forwards. You are doing what you should. Staying positive, and be as stubborn as he is. What you have on your side is that his mood changes in a flash and he doesn't remember. Questions are not a good thing. Don't ask if he is ready, don't ask if he wants to go in. Just say you are going, take his hand and lead him. He has forgotten that it is a good place and you have to reintroduce him continually. The fact that he enjoy it when he gets there is a good thing. It is just getting him in the door huh? I guess you would be hesitant if you didn't know where you were going? Maybe for a while you might want to give yourself a little more time to overcome his hesitancy to enter that new building.

Yes, this stage will pass. Not telling if it will get worse or better. It will be inconsistent. Good days and bad days and good days and different days. This journey has it's ups and down and yep, you are the stability in his strange and new world that he is getting used to every day

I do hope for some good days for you soon...

Love, deb

Old 01-02-2011, 02:16 AM   #3
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Re: Dementia very stubborn

As Deb says, try to stay very positive and don't let him sense that you're worried about getting him in the door or that you want him to hurry up. You can try little tricks, like asking him to help you carry boxes of Kleenex in, telling him that he had offered to help (caregiver name) with wheelchairs that morning, ask him to check if you left your coat there yesterday, ask him if he'd mind if you have to pick him up a little early today...anything to take his mind off the fact that he's being dropped off.

The morning routine for me got longer and longer too, until I found I was waking up at 4:00am to get to my job by 8:30 (I was supposed to start at 8 but the day care center opened at 8. My boss let me start at 8:30 and work through lunch as an FMLA accomodation). Between getting DH dressed, shaved, giving him breakfast, brushing his teeth and trying to get myself ready for work, the morning routine began to stretch longer and longer. The day care center let me know they couldn't keep him anymore due to behavior issues about the time that I had to start cleaning poop out of the shower drain every morning.

Everything in Alzheimers-World is a stage. This stage may pass in a few weeks or months. He may be fine in a few weeks, or his stubbornness may start to extend into the day and cause problems for the day-care workers. If that happens, they may tell you that they can't handle him anymore. That's the situation I found myself in about a year after DH's behavior problems started. It was time for NH placement, but that's another story.

Last edited by Beginning; 01-02-2011 at 02:19 AM.

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