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Old 08-19-2011, 08:32 AM   #1
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Home Sour Home

This must be just a very confusing day for me and I am sorry but I am blown away, that we/others PAY NH's, facilities to care for our loved ones and yet WE still have to care for them in such a personal manner? Clean up after inevitable accidents? Ensure they have Ensure? Don't get me wrong, it can be done at home, at our again expense, with help, I just have always thought when the time came for ASSISTED LIVING, NURSING HOME CARE, we would be able to visit, deal with immediate needs, wants and more quality time we have left with them things.

So is it safe to say, that even while we spend thousands each month, they take all that can be squeezed, for quality care, we still have to do the care and keep staff hopping to be sure adequate/quality/amazing care is given?

Huff! I am truly miffed.

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Old 08-19-2011, 08:56 AM   #2
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Re: Home Sour Home

Btw-my DM is still in her own home, I looked forward to see what the costs will be once she requires more adequate care, read in here and am just shocked at what still needs to be done.

Old 08-19-2011, 12:19 PM   #3
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Re: Home Sour Home

I see your point. But sometimes it takes more money to have 24 hours home care for my FIL, for example. Also my FIL gets more confused in open environment at home and got mad. So we had to send him to the residential home. The new home is pretty good at the diaper and food stuff. We just started having one on one caregiver for 4 hours per week just to offer him some companion. He may not need it yet.
At some point, he will need more nursing care and will move to the other wing where 2 people can help him at the same time. (When he gets bedridden.)

So far I don't think it is true that my FIL's home needs our personal care daily. We don't see it so far. But it does not mean my FIL does not like family around.

Some homes may have some errors and that is why sometimes the resident didn't get the Ensure. It depends on the reputation of the home, really. My FIL is in a well-known local residential home that is famous for memory-impaired care. It has no medicaid.... So it depends on the home.

Perhaps you should talk to the directors of the home to discuss this. They may have problems with the caregivers and the plan. Also your Mom may be sicker with dementia and may need special attention like the one the elders get in the locked memory unit.
See if they can help to make the whole thing better. She may not be fit in the AL. Try to discuss with the directors to see if there is any alternative.

Sometimes consolidating the living places helps. But of course it would be hard for you to live with your Mom!

Hope things will shape up. Has her husband agreed to send her to the home? I thought he is rich and can help out.

For now, if she is OK, you can hire part-time caregiver to help her out and the family member can be the other caregiver. This way, you save the home care expenses if it is part-time hire only.

Take care,

Last edited by ninamarc; 08-19-2011 at 12:39 PM.

Old 08-19-2011, 11:23 PM   #4
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Re: Home Sour Home

Rattle, it depends on the level of care that you do want and where your Mom is placed. There are good care facilities that you don't have to keep after them all the time. That was Mom's situation for the first year and a half. There are other facilities that are not as good and that is what happened to Mom's situation in the last year.

In way of explanation. The facility my Mom is in had an excellent unit coordinator. She had cared for her father who died of Alzheimer's and made it her life passion. She went back to school, started as a CNA, and worked her way up to coordinator. She was amazing and keep "her girls" (the care staff) on their toes. I never ever had a single complaint. If something needed to be done it was done. Then corporate had the bright idea to transfer her to another job and give us a new coordinator. That was a HUGE mistake because the new coordinator doesn't get anything. Yes, I have to stand on my head and gargle peanut butter to get Mom's Ensure given to her and a week later they just let it slide. There are medication errors. I do have to stay on top of everything right now. But in time this lady will be gone and I pray for somebody that can run the unit effectively again. There is another facility I can move mom too that would be as good as this one was in the beginning but after 2.5 years this is Mom's home. In her advanced stage it would not be good for her to move her to a new facility. So I muddle through going frequently and having additional eyes (Hospice) that also watches her closely.

I do chose to change Mom when I am there. This is for assessment purposes. I do go see her three to four times a week... if not more. I did that even when everything was going well. I just hate that now I spend about a quarter of my time there complaining to somebody about something.

When you look for a facility you need to check your state inspection agency for any deficiencies or ratings the facility might have. You need to go to the facility several times on both first and second shift. You need to be there during meal time. You need to stay and hang around a while. Watch the interaction between the residents and staff. Then you need to go to the parking lot, hang around, and talk to a few family members who have residents in the unit you are looking at. That is where you get your best information Don't make a decision on a quick tour by a marketing director. Be sure you talk to the unit coordinator, the nurse, and some caregivers. When you have done all your homework then follow your gut feeling. If you hesitate, walk away and find another place Go to several facilities and compare them. Also be sure you have the right placement. Be honest in your assessment of your Mom and what she needs. Assisted Living usually has much less one on one care than a locked dementia unit or a nursing home. If your Mom can do some things for herself that may be ok but if she needs more one on one care then make sure there is enough staff in place. Know that what your Mom gets is always per doctor's orders so be sure that whatever she needs is ordered by the physician. Just know that even when you find that perfect facility, it is only as good as the people that are there at the moment!

Love, deb

Old 08-20-2011, 07:30 AM   #5
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Re: Home Sour Home

Amen, Deb!! Well said.

Just remember that no matter how good the place is or how much it costs it is our responsibility to know that all is being done the way it should be done for them. We are their best advocates!

And as my SIL says, if you haven't made someone mad at some point along the way then you aren't doing your job.

Love, Meg

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