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New, scared, worried and sad

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Old 10-12-2011, 07:03 AM   #1
Lady Lisa
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Geraldton, Western Australia
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New, scared, worried and sad

Hi all, my first post about caring for my beautiful mother with AD.
I am 44 years old, live in Western Australia have 5 beautiful children (nearly all grown) and a wonderful husband who works away a lot. My Dad passed away a year ago this month from Mesophyllioma (spelt that wrong Im sure) or Asbestosis. My brother who is unmarried moved in with mum after dad went and tried his best to care for her, but she has rapidly declined and six months ago she moved in with me. At first things were pretty good the hardest thing was trying to keep her occupied. But over the last month or so it has become increasingly more difficult. The thing I am finding the most difficult is the personality changes, she gets angry quite frequently but only with me, she cries constantly and it breaks my heart. She tells people that I am bossy, lol oh I am so patient, but sometimes at 2.30 am when I hear her trying to get into the bathroom for her fourth shower for the day (she obviously cant remember having one before bed) I can get a little assertive, "Mum its the middle of the night, please go back to bed". We have had to put a lock on the outside of the bathroom door as I am scared in the middle of the night she will try and get in the shower and burn herself.
Just wondering what other carer's do in the middle of the night, I am worried I wont hear her one night and she will fall and hurt herself, was thinking of getting a baby monitor, any thoughts anyone??
Thanks for letting me vent

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Old 10-12-2011, 08:29 AM   #2
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Re: New, scared, worried and sad


I am sorry about your Mom. I admire you that you have a beautiful family.

It is common that the person with dementia gets emotional and insecure.
The baby monitor is a good idea. If you hear her, you can get up for her.

It is funny that she wants to take many showers. Most elders with dementia are afraid of water. So she must be in earlier stage. Anyway, either you use the baby monitor or hire some part-time CNA or caregiver to help out overnight. Gradually it will become 24 hours home care and you may need extra help.
With AD, maybe she can try aricept in this earlier stage. Such drug may help caregiving. If she gets scared, maybe you can try low dose of antidepressant.

Do get other people to help you. You need to sleep too.


Last edited by ninamarc; 10-12-2011 at 08:30 AM.

Old 10-12-2011, 10:19 AM   #3
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Re: New, scared, worried and sad

Lisa - Sorry to hear about your mom Your title sums up a great deal "new, scared, worried and sad." I'm with Nina about the baby monitor. My stepdad has dementia and is in an adult family home. They have a sensor that they set at night so they know if he gets up - which they tell me he does pretty much everynight.

I do hope you will look into finding a caregiver part time to help you. This can be a long road and you will need to look after your own health too which can be really hard to do when you're caring for your loved one.

I'm glad you have what sounds to be a supportive family around you. That can make a big difference! But don't be shy about asking for help. Those of us who take on the caregiving role, by nature of our personalities, often don't ask for help when we really DO need it!!!!

Take good care. Vent anytime! I vent quite a bit here Sending you big ****{hugs}}}

Old 10-13-2011, 06:37 AM   #4
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Re: New, scared, worried and sad

Lisa... ditto what the others said and welcome to the board. It is a great place for information, venting, and support. We have all been in your shoes at one time or headed that way.

A baby monitor is a good idea. Anything that will help you monitor Mom and feel more secure. The lock on the bathroom is a good idea. I hope you have also secured the outside doors as well. I repeat the need for somebody to help you. Watching your Mom day and night every day is too much to ask of yourself. A part time night time care giver can help you get the much needed sleep you need. Somebody a few afternoons a week would give you the free time you need. We all tend to want to do it all but we are not super heroes. Knowing our limits trumps doing it all. Taking care of ourselves first is imperative. If we are not physically and emotional at our best we can not care effectively for others.

My Mom was a night wanderer. She now receives a dose of Melatonin at bedtime. It is a natural sleep aid without the chemical side effects. It has helped her go to sleep and stay asleep. It worked for Mom and might be worth a try with your Mom. I would definitely go that direction before trying the pharmaceutical sleep aids. For the anxiety and angst your Mom is showing... which is very typical... there are anti psychotic medications that will help. Do not be afraid to ask her doctor. Yes, Mom is angry with you because you are there. That is just the way it is. She cries because there is such a scary fog of confusion in her mind. You can't fix the fog of confusion but medical may help calm her anxiety. Yep, it is usually the behavioral changes that cause the most grief for them and for us.... so please ask her doctor for medication that will help her be more content and get yourself some in home help!

Love, deb

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