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Three Months Ago Today

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Old 04-02-2012, 09:49 AM   #1
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Three Months Ago Today

So - it was 3 months ago today that my stepdad passed. Spring is trying to start around here in the pacific northwest, but we have had record levels of RAIN (March ended up being the 5th wettest March e-v-e-r on record!?!).

Oh my gosh it still hurts so much, and I miss him SO MUCH. I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday Ended up calling one of my sisters who I don't often reach out to for support because she's got alot of issues in her own life. But, sisters are sisters through and through. It helped just to talk and be together for awhile. Although I feel like I could cry pretty much daily, I don't cry that often. When I do though, it's not pretty. And she's not used to seeing me like that I'm usually the "strong one" even though she's the older sister.

I find I want to ask all of you - when does this get easier??? But I realize we're all different, and given how close I was to my stepdad, it's not surprising how I'm feeling about losing him. It's just a big ol' loss.......there's no two ways about it. And everything, and I do mean everything, is up in the air in my life right now, and that is not helping.

We've got my mom's house on the market, and I need to get mine listed as well. There are complications around that, so it feels like two steps forward, one step back. But I just got some financial news that pushes me even more in the direction of getting my house on the market, so I need to push on.

I hired landscapers to clean up my yard and lay down beauty bark (even though I hate that stuff!). My yard is about a third of an acre, and I am not a yard person I bought this house when I was married, and my ex took care of the yard and I took care of the house. Now I live in 3500 square feet, with a huge yard, and I just want to get the heck out of here!!!!!

Geez - I didn't need to VENT today or anything did I???? Thanks for listening.

Last edited by TC08; 04-02-2012 at 09:52 AM. Reason: spelling

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Old 04-02-2012, 12:29 PM   #2
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Re: Three Months Ago Today

TC ... venting is good for the soul and whatever is bothering you. Spilling it out to a sister, friend, or here is the best way to deal with it. There are days it all looks black and you have to search for the light.

As for how each of us deals with loss... that is as personal as the loss. It has to do with our connections, our thought process, our support structure, and our general personality. As for me, I was actually surprised at how I was able to deal with losing my Dad. Yes, he was my rock, my best friend, my mentor, and basically the person that grounded me. I would be the ultimate Daddy's girl. Yes, I do miss him daily.... as I glance at his picture on the shelf. But I am not one that spends a lot of time reflecting on what I am missing. Rather I am forever grateful for what I had. I had a wonderful Dad. I had him for a lot longer than I thought I would. I am so very blessed. And that is what gets me through.... I am blessed for what I had rather than cursed for what I am missing now. It would have been nice to have him forever but that is not the way this world works. So I keep in mind how wonderful it was to have him for as long as I did. Beyond that I do carry on as he would have wanted me to. He would not want me sad... my happiness was on the top of his must do list so I honor him by smiling when I think of him.

I still have moments of sadness, especially when life is not going my way. At those times I just change what I can to send my life in the right direction. Yep, that is what Dad would have done I also remember when it looks the darkest there is not much room to go anywhere but up! Case in point... my recent post about Mom and Dad's house and the lousy market in their town? We got an offer today It's contingent but it will more than likely happen! I'm keeping everything crossed!!

Sometimes it's ok to let those that don't usually witness our weaknesses to see us at our rawest. Let's them know we are human and could use a little uplifting occasionally If nothing else it let's us be ourselves for a while. Being strong all the time is HARD HARD HARD!

When you take one step forward and you seem to slide back just know you are making progress. Eventually those little steps forward will accumulate to the point you can see the progress. Just think of where you were a year ago That always moves me forward.... because that is the only way we are going.

So hang in there. Get what you can accomplish done and try again tomorrow on the rest. Don't let it get you down because you are progressing. If you need to vent, scream, or cry then do it. When you have cleaned the soul of the demons, pick up the pieces and keep going forward. Life is all about ups and downs. We have to put the downs in perspective and know the ups are coming. Don't stay down... just bounce on the bottom and jump up again

Love, deb

Old 04-02-2012, 03:39 PM   #3
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Re: Three Months Ago Today

it does get easier but it takes time. we are all different but we all go through the same stages when a death occurs. june will be 3 years since my mom passed and i still have crying bouts. i guess not as much as i used to. holidays and events are more difficult. i always look at her picture everyday and talk to her. acceptance will come. hugs to you

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