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jagsmu 04-11-2012 08:16 AM

Has it only been 2 months
Since my mom passed. Somehow it seems longer. So many things have happened to us since then that I guess we haven't come up for air. We are still in the process of moving in with my dad, he is so frail after his op. we are having the carpets removed and getting hardwood instead, still cleaning out my moms things, some I am just leaving as I am just not ready to wipe everything away. In my minds eye I still see my mom as she struggled with this dam diseases. I look forward to the day when I have only the good memories. for now I am keeping busy with our new life. Hugs to all of you


Gabriel 04-11-2012 09:12 AM

Re: Has it only been 2 months
Your loss is still fresh Judy! Be patient with yourself and take good care of yourself as you adjust to your new normal. You not only lost your Mom but you are also moving into her house. Keeping busy is good :) I am sure you see her around every corner. But that is ok because those memories can be healing if you let them. As for keeping some of her things... I still have some of Dad's things and it's been 2 years. For me they are a connection. They can also be a way to connect you to the better memories of the past. The items I kept had meaning to him, and thus to me, from a life before dementia. The pictures I have around the house are all pre dementia. I will never forget those final years but they have to put it in perspective. My Dad lived to be almost 90 years old. I was a part of his life for about 60 years. The worst of his dementia only lasted for a couple of years. 58 years of good memories is 28 times as much as the last 2 years! I don't try to forget, I put it in it's proper perspective. I just try to remember correctly. This disease only occupied a small span of our entire time together. I do not let it define the relationship but put it in it's place. If holding a rock that Dad picked up in the desert in 1942 helps... then so be it :)

Love, deb

TC08 04-11-2012 10:57 AM

Re: Has it only been 2 months
Hi Judy - Glad you posted with how you're doing. It's alot you've been going through, that's for sure. I relate as it's been 3 months for me since losing my stepdad, and now we've got my mom's house (which was their house for nearly 40 years) on the market. I'm also working on getting my house on the market. It's alot of work, it's alot of change, it's alot of.......adjustment.

In all the moves since my stepdad was diagnosed in 2009, quite a bit of their things have ended up at my house. I'm getting ready to have a garage sale this weekend, and I keep running across their stuff :eek: It's all enough to make my head spin at times.

You my dear have a bigger task at hand. You're moving into your mom's house. It's very admirable what you are doing and that you will be taking care of your dad now. Bless your heart. I like what Deb said about keeping those things around pre-dementia of our parents. That's what I'm doing as well. When my sister and I cleaned out my stepdad's room at the adult family home, I took all of "those clothes" to my church the next day for their food / clothing bank. I didn't want any of that clothing hanging around from when he was ill. However, two of my most prized possessions are two very old sweatshirts of my stepdad's that he wore in his younger years when he was working around the house, painting the house, etc. Those make me smile and those I'm hanging onto :)

Please know I'm thinking of you so very much! Let us know how you're doing when you are able. I just want to tell you: you are brave, you are kind, and you are loved!!!

Love your sister from dementiaville - Jan

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