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Telling others

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Old 12-31-2012, 09:22 AM   #1
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Bren448 HB User
Telling others

What are your thoughts about telling others/when to tell others about your loved one's diagnosis?
My mom was diagnosed this past July & is probably Stage 5/Stage 6. Some of her symptoms/behaviors are not noticeable when out in public. What they notice is mom doesn't talk much any more...some of her responses are a bit 'off'.

Close family (some of my cousins & mom's siblings, for example) are aware. Most of my sisters would like to keep this secret for awhile longer...they feel that others may treat mom 'differently' or avoid her if they know. I think this is probably right. On the other hand, they may be able to offer support.

What is your experience?

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Old 12-31-2012, 09:44 AM   #2
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Re: Telling others

I am sorry that your Mom has dementia.
My experience is that your need to tell people who are closer to her. Her relatives like her kids or siblings should know so they can cope with her properly. For friends or neighbors, you have to make the judgment whether it helps if they know. A close neighbor should know so they can help her if she gets lost and goes to their house.
Frankly dealing with her now needs different approach. You need to validate her feelings and cannot argue with her. So it is necessary to tell certain people so they know how to deal with her.
Sometimes she may not want some friends to know, so just tell those who are concerned.
The other thing is people will know once they see her. Some will choose to stay away due to lack of 2 way street communication with her. Also, there is no shame with dementia. People now understand more about dementia. So tell those who care about her.


Last edited by ninamarc; 12-31-2012 at 09:51 AM.

Old 12-31-2012, 02:30 PM   #3
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Bren448 HB User
Re: Telling others

That was my thinking too, Nina....everyone will know when they see & interact with her. Actually, when I thought about it, I realized that we've told mom's side of the's dad's side we've not shared the info with. Interesting.
I agree with you...I feel it lets them know what's going on so that they know how to interact with her.

We've already had an incident that required help from a neighbor. Last week, we had blizzard conditions here & called the neighbor to go check on her. Mom had fallen & wasn't able to get up. Unfortunately, she really didn't recognize the neighbor & wouldn't let her help...wouldn't even let her give her her robe or a blanket (mom was in her nightgown).

Given this, I think it's definitely time that we bring her condition more out into the open. THANKS!!

Old 12-31-2012, 05:43 PM   #4
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Re: Telling others

I'm sorry about your mom's diagnosis and think you're handling the situation well. It sounds like she has a lot of friends and family for support. But is she living alone? That is so scary about the snow and her falling at home. At her stage she should not be alone. If you haven't already, it's time to discuss options as far as caregivers or a move to Assisted Living.

Old 12-31-2012, 09:18 PM   #5
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Bren448 HB User
Re: Telling others

Yes-- she is living alone. I'm sorry I mistakenly placed her at Stage 5/6...I should have said 4/5. Wow! This is progressing so much quicker than we anticipated. I also should have given the information that we took her to the doctor after the last incident & she is being treated now for a that was just a bit worse than her usual.

But yes...we are moving to put more care support in place. We are setting her up with day adult service this week, & exploring our options for night care. Like I said, this seems to be progressing faster than we expected. Scary.

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