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Incompetent is such an ugly word


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Old 10-19-2013, 10:05 AM   #1
OnyxDeerHunter
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Question Incompetent is such an ugly word

My wife was diagnosed with AD in 2008 when she was 62. Although she was displaying symptoms as far back as 2004. I have been the sole caregiver since that time. We do not live near family and my wife does not want "strangers" in her house. I found this board sometime last year (2012) and have treasured the advice given and the information posted. Having said all that, I now find myself in a position of having to get my wife declared incompetent because I failed to get a general power of attorney and a medical power of attorney completed when she understood what was going on. (if I can give a little advice that should be the first thing one does when dealing with this ugly disease) She now is unable to sign her name. It never occurred to me that she might lose that skill. It never occurred to me that she would forget how to talk on the phone or make a phone call but that has happened also. A little more background, my wife refuses to take medication, eat healthy food, go to the doctor, take a shower, or wash her hair, and these tasks are accomplished with great angst. My question is this, with all these barriers what process might get this done? I have contacted an attorney and am waiting for her response but any information you can provide is greatly appreciated.

 
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Old 10-24-2013, 07:19 PM   #2
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Re: Incompetent is such an ugly word

Hi Onyx, I was wondering if you heard back from your attorney? I think the process you are talking about is having yourself declared your wife's guardian.

Good luck, it sounds like she has is lucky to have you, you obviously care very much about her.

Last edited by Administrator; 10-24-2013 at 08:49 PM.

 
Old 10-28-2013, 04:34 PM   #3
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Re: Incompetent is such an ugly word

Thank you backseatdriver, I don't get to see this attorney until the 1st of Nov. For whatever reason in this area finding a lawyer willing to handle this is not easy. I expect it will just be pay some money and get the papers approved by the court. But thanks for your interest.

 
Old 10-28-2013, 06:35 PM   #4
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Re: Incompetent is such an ugly word

Onyx... your advice is good advice. We never think it will happen... until it is too late That is why I recommend everybody, not just those diagnosed with something but everybody, have these papers completed. If you don't need them they can stay in the file or the safe but if they are needed, it's so very important.

Mental incompetency basically has three steps. 1) a request for a competency hearing. 2) a psychological evaluation which you probably already have or can get easily from her doctor. 3) a competency hearing that is usually handled by the Probate Court to assure that she has Due Process of Law. Then the courts will appoint a guardian and you would qualify as her husband. In the case of advanced Alzheimer's you should have no problem.

I do hope it goes easily and quickly for you. And.... I will repeat your advice to all. Please have Financial and Medical POA's done even if you are healthy. Yep, I have mine done

Love, deb

 
Old 10-29-2013, 11:15 AM   #5
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Re: Incompetent is such an ugly word

Gabriel truer words were never spoken or written. I wish I had found this board two years ago but, wish in one hand...
Thank you for your response.

 
Old 10-30-2013, 09:35 AM   #6
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Re: Incompetent is such an ugly word

Please let us know what the lawyer says.
Barb

 
Old 11-05-2013, 09:17 AM   #7
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Re: Incompetent is such an ugly word

As an update let me first say some attorney's are arrogant and care only about themselves. My appointment was with Matthew Crider in the Sacramento area on November 1 at 3 pm. My wife and I were there at the appointed time. The attorney was not nor did he show up. If you have ever gone anyplace with a late stage AD patient then you know the difficulties encountered. If anybody needs an attorney in this area I would hope Matthew Crider would not be their choice.

 
Old 11-05-2013, 09:37 AM   #8
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Re: Incompetent is such an ugly word

That is so frustrating Onyx! Yes I have been where you are and know how annoying it is. I do hope you can find a lawyer that will work with you. Check into the Elder Lawyers in your area. They are more familiar with the procedures than a regular lawyer. Call your local Alzheimer's Association chapter or their national hotline. They can give you guidance here as well. You can also call your local bar association. They can give you guidance on who in your area does this type of procedures. Perhaps one of those two organizations can help. I would start with the Alzheimer's Association because they know what you are dealing with

Love, deb

 
Old 11-05-2013, 09:07 PM   #9
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Re: Incompetent is such an ugly word

Yikes! I hope you find another attorney soon, Onyx! I am so thankful that my husband had our lawyer get the POA done when he started getting worried about his memory years ago. I've sold a couple of our rental properties since and each time they've asked for the date of his diagnosis and the date of signature for the POA. They always make sure that the patient was not coerced or taken advantage of when dealing with a POA.

 
Old 11-10-2013, 10:03 PM   #10
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Re: Incompetent is such an ugly word

Thankfully the new attorney is great, He outlined a plan of action which should accomplish my goals. He started working the case on 11-8-13 but thinks it will probably take as much as 6 months to complete the conservatorship through the courts and all. Getting court dates is the biggest issue and because letters have to be sent international that adds extra time. Thanks to all for your kind words and support.

 
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Old 11-10-2013, 11:18 PM   #11
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Re: Incompetent is such an ugly word

So glad you found a lawyer that will work with you to get this done and hope it doesn't take that long. Good luck and let us hear from you

Love, deb

 
Old 10-01-2014, 12:54 PM   #12
OnyxDeerHunter
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Re: Incompetent is such an ugly word

As bad as it seems I just now received the papers form the court appointing me as conservator of my wife. Nearly one year since we began the process. What a mess.

 
Old 10-01-2014, 01:04 PM   #13
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Re: Incompetent is such an ugly word

That is totally and complete ridiculous!! We have so much work to do to make life better for those living with dementia and those that care for them. But I am happy that is finally done. From here you go forward and do the best you can to get the best care for your wife. I am sure you are glad that is behind you

Love, deb

 
Old 10-02-2014, 02:49 PM   #14
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Re: Incompetent is such an ugly word

I'm glad you finally got it, Onyx. The legal system can be a total nightmare. Best wishes with everything.

 
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