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Mom being evaluated today for nursing home. Questions?


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Old 11-18-2013, 06:04 AM   #1
Viking64
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Unhappy Mom being evaluated today for nursing home. Questions?

Hello again,
My mom is being evaluated for the nursing home/memory care facility this afternoon. Someone from the facility is coming out at 1pm (remember I live in different state, but sister is there). Also, dealing with my father's cancer diagnosis as of Thursday (he is in agony) and that is what set this whole thing in motion.

Mom declined rapidly physically in the last 2 months (maybe 3, it is a blurr). She can't walk or sit up, is completely incontinent, and doesn't eat. Medications are iffy at best, mostly not. Does sip Coke once in awhile. She stares at ceiling, sleeps mostly. She will not initiate any conversation, but will respond if you ask her something (may or may not comprehend the question).

I have a couple of questions...maybe someone who has been through this.

Won't the nursing staff get her out of bed three times a day for meals? How do they prop someone up in a wheelchair who can't sit up without falling over? They must have to strap them in somehow correct?

Do they force someone to eat who doesn't want to (or can't).

It just occured to me that just moving her to this facility may LENGTHEN her life. Crap, what if this adds years to her life? I know she wouldn't want that.

Barb

Last edited by Viking64; 11-18-2013 at 06:11 AM.

 
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Old 11-18-2013, 08:30 AM   #2
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Re: Mom being evaluated today for nursing home.Questions?

Barb, that is what the evaluation is for, to see where she is now. If they can not sit without falling over they have a variety of options. We have one that had a bad in the chair that leans them back and is cushioned on both sides so that they sit sort of reclining and held upright by the padding. Sometimes, if it is better for the resident they leave them in bed. A good facility will figure it out They will do what is best for Mom in the stage she is in.

As for feeding her. There is no way to force somebody to eat. They will offer, encourage and try but they can not force her to eat. They will alter her diet to what she can eat if she is having swallowing difficulties. She will get thickened and puree... but if she doesn't eat it, that is up to here

She will get the care she needs and her time here will be more comfortable than laying on a couch at home I think this will be good for all of you, her especially!

Love, deb

 
Old 11-18-2013, 08:37 AM   #3
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Re: Mom being evaluated today for nursing home.Questions?

I hadn't heard of a reclining chair like that. See? it is good to ask questions. lol

Deb, Thanks for helping me yet again. Should know more later today after the accessment.

 
Old 11-18-2013, 08:59 AM   #4
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Re: Mom being evaluated today for nursing home.Questions?

Mom had a reclining wheel chair. It had a tall back that would lean back which helped her sit upright but not fall over. Be sure to ask for a gel cushion for any wheel chair! You want to protect her bottom from pressure sores. That is what the chair cushion in the regular wheel chair does as well. Skin integrity os critical. Pressure sores, also known as bed sores or decubiti, are much easier to prevent than to heal. Also ask them about their policy on turning her if she is in bed. This should be done every couple of hours for the same reason. Laying on the same spot, especially if she is wet or soiled, is not good. Just something to watch for.

I will be interested in hearing how the assessment turned out

Love, deb

 
Old 11-18-2013, 12:21 PM   #5
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Re: Mom being evaluated today for nursing home.Questions?

Just had a quick phone call from my sister about the accessment. The nursing home wants Fairview Hospice to come evaluate her tomorrow. My sister also said dad cried the whole time the nursing team was there. Find out more later.

 
Old 11-18-2013, 12:40 PM   #6
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Re: Mom being evaluated today for nursing home.Questions?

Very sad.. My prayers go out to you.

Wonder if your Mom had a partial stroke or something...

Best of luck....

 
Old 11-18-2013, 02:07 PM   #7
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Re: Mom being evaluated today for nursing home. Questions?

Viking, if you can get Hospice involved it will be the best thing for you Mom... and your sister and Dad! My bet is, she will qualify. Hospice does have their own facilities she might qualify for as well. So let this play out because your sister is headed in the right direction

I am sure this is very upsetting for your Dad. Not to mention he is still dealing with his own health problems without a clear picture of what he is facing himself. Add what is going on with Mom. My heart and prayers have to go out to him. He is losing his wife and his own health at the same time. This is not something any of us wish for. We want to keep our loved ones at home and take care of them. We want them to be well. We want to be well ourselves. His world is crushing down on him... so do whatever you can to support him. If he will talk about his feelings, then let him. Let him know you are there to support him any way you can. Most of all tell him you love him.

Are you going to be able to go home and see your parents any time soon? It might be something you might want consider in the near future. I will say again, kudos to you for all the support you are giving your sister, Mom, and Dad. It's not easy to be far away or near by. I am sure your support is important to the rest of your family

Love, deb

 
Old 11-19-2013, 12:32 PM   #8
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Re: Mom being evaluated today for nursing home. Questions?

Hi Deb,
I will consider going to visit. Many issues with my own pre-teen daughter to deal with on top of this (but this is not the message board for that).

Just had a text from my sister (I am at work). Apparently mom passed the hospice criteria. Hospital bed will be delivered to the nursing home tomorrow, and an ambulette will transport mom on Thursday. So, hospice and nursing facility will work together. I will talk to my sister later today.

One other thing I do know. Mom hasn't had any of her medication in a couple of weeks now. Hospice has agreed not to start any of it up again.

My dad is awfully confused today, overwhelmed, (and in pain from the cancer), but at least he didn't cry. He goes to his first doctor visit tomorrow to see what the plans are/could be for the tumor.

I am sure I may have some more questions about hospice care in the next few days, and what other people experienced.

Still trying to take this all in.....
Barb

 
Old 11-19-2013, 12:53 PM   #9
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Re: Mom being evaluated today for nursing home. Questions?

I actually said out loud "YES!" when I read your post I know it is all hard to take in now but you actually have the very best for Mom, at this moment in her journey, in place and ready to go. With the care facility and Hospice working together that will take a huge burden off your sister and give her more time to concentrate on your Dad.

I am not surprised about the medication. Most of what we take is to prevent something later in life. If she needs something for comfort, they will figure it out and the right way to deliver that medication. They will use liquids that absorb through the mucus membrane of the mouth and don't even need to be swallowed, patches, or injections. Another point is that near the end of dementia, the body does not sufficiently process what it takes in. The digestive system can be affect as every other part of the body for it is all controlled by the brain. So taking medication orally is not always effective. Then you have issues with the kidney and/or liver. Those are the organs that filter the toxin (what is left from the medication) out of the body. In a sluggish state, which is frequent in late stage dementia, it is very difficult on these two organs when we keep pushing medications into the body. This is truly a situation where less is better. Let them decide what is best for Mom's comfort now!

Glad Dad was not crying but I am sure he is overwhelmed and confused. So much is changing in his life. Just be there for him. That is all you can do right now. Tomorrow you will all have a better idea of what is ahead. Having knowledge and a plan definitely helps in a crisis situation. I would love to know what he finds out... and how he is doing

Hang in there... it is coming together and it will be manageable If you have any questions... I will do my best to answer them. Yep, it will take you a while to take it all in but know you are going in the right direction!!!

Love, deb

 
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