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    Old 05-04-2014, 06:06 PM   #106
    k742
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    I don't have anything to add to the discussion, but wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you and your family. I've read through all these posts and just want to give you a huge hug! I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers as you continue this difficult journey for both your Dad and daughter.

     
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    valerie2013 (05-05-2014)
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    Old 05-04-2014, 10:32 PM   #107
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    Re: Hallucinations

    Valerie, no they can not force you but you do need to consider your options. Nursing homes have a bad rap. There are good ones and not so good ones. You hear or the worst and not the best. What is important is that you find the best place for Dad where he can get the care that he needs and deserves. Please do not let preconceived fears dictate choices before you have properly investigated the need and possibilities.

    In order to qualify for rehab you have to be able to participate in the regime that is set forth. There are goals and targeted improvements that have to be met as well. From what I read here the doctors do not believe that these two criteria can be met. I read your statement....."Because he is not trying to do anything." Is he not trying or is in incapable/unable of performing activities of daily living for himself. There is a difference. My guess is that after all his sickness, he is unable to do for himself.

    The difference between levels of care is mainly in the amount of direct care that a resident receives. In Assisted living units have a very low staff to resident ratio. Therefore there is very little one on one care time. If your Dad needs are great then there is no way his needs will be met in this situation. Even in special locked dementia units, the ratio of staff to residents, though greater is usually not sufficient to meet the needs of a total care patient. Though we would rather see our loved ones in either of these types of facilities, sometimes they are just not capable of meeting the needs of patient who needs total care.

    The availability of medical personnel is another huge difference. Most assisted living and special dementia units only have nurses 40 hours a week and do not have doctors in the facility. If more than routine medication and occasionally medical care is needed then Assisted Living can not properly care for the resident.

    Total care and medical needs can best to provided by a facility who has additional care staffing and constant medical personals. These services are provided in the nursing care facility only. It is truly up to the doctor to determine what level of care will provide your father with the appropriate treatment. Your decision is whether to take your father home with adequate assistance to give him the care he needs or to place him in the appropriate level of care for his needs. No, they can not force you to put him in a nursing home but they can prevent you from placing him in a facility that will not give him adequate care.

    Please check out facilities in your area. Find out what service are provided and see what they have to offer. Not all nursing homes are created equal and if you you, you might just find one that you actually like.

    Love, deb

     
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    Old 05-08-2014, 01:16 PM   #108
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    Re: Hallucinations

    Thanks for the information Deb

    Your right, looking at dad with the physio its not that he's not trying he's just unable do anything. I can't believe how much he has deteriorated. 10 weeks ago he was at least walking around, feeding himself and asking the same questions over and over again....Now he just lays there and we're lucky to get a few words out of him.

    They've transferred him to another hospital where they have a geriatric ward. He's to stay there for 4 weeks till his shunt surgery.

    Last edited by valerie2013; 05-08-2014 at 01:18 PM.

     
    Old 05-08-2014, 08:57 PM   #109
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    Re: Hallucinations

    Valerie, it is not uncommon for one with dementia to get stuck on an idea, especially when it was traumatic. Memories of his stay in the hospital obviously processed through the fog of his mind. Now they have become an obsession which he is unable to divert his attention from. Long explanations do not work. Even short ones are quickly forgotten or not properly processed.

    When he mentions the hospital, let him talk. If he says he doesn't want to go back to the hospital then repeat his words back to him saying I know you don't want to go back to the hospital. Then try to give him something else to do or think about. I used ice cream with my Dad. Each time he says it just do the same thing. I know you don't want to go back to the hospital, it's time for supper. It is frustrating to say the same thing over and over again but not as frustrating as not remembering the answer you just got and having the fear of returning to the hospital haunting you. Hopefully he will eventually latch onto another thought for a while. Until then just be patient and keep repeating. You may want to do something such as create a catchy tune to go with what you are saying.... "We're not going back to the hospital!" sung over and over may do more than just saying it. Music connects with a part of the brain that is more likely to be functional. I did find that repetitious singing would sometimes get the message across better than just words. If he can still understand written words then write it down for him where he can see it. Constant reminds in short sentence form are good to help them remember.

    If it is causing anxiety that is interfering with his daily life then you may want to talk to his doctor. If it is just a frustrating obsession, let it be. The doctor can prescribe medication that can be helpful if it is causing your Dad distress. Again, if it is just a frustrating repetition it is ok.

    Hopefully you will get some answers from the doctor

    Love, deb

     
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    Old 05-22-2014, 01:27 PM   #110
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    Re: Hallucinations

    Doesn't look like this shunt surgery is ever going to go ahead.

    A week ago dad got sick again and is back at the original hospital. We're told hes got an infection but they don't know where as a CT of his stomach was normal. He was started back on antibiotics but now they've stopped as they said long term its no good for him and they can't find an infection. As his fever is going up and down they want to wait and see what happens. I feel like they've given up.

    Now its just a matter of waiting to see what happens..

     
    Old 05-22-2014, 08:38 PM   #111
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    Re: Hallucinations

    I would ask for a second opinion on the antibiotic. If they know there is an infection somewhere why just sit and wait. Did they do a urine specimen? Test for sepsis? Just because it is not on the abdominal CT doesn't mean it's not somewhere else.

    I often wonder why they are so resistant to continue an antibiotic in the elderly. Is the infection not worse than any possible side effects from the antibiotic? Are they fearful he will become resistant to the antibiotics? At his age is that even possible? I would be asking why it was not good for him.

    I am so sorry you are having to go through this with your Dad. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers for a solution and comfort...

    Love, deb

     
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    Old 05-23-2014, 01:11 AM   #112
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    Re: Hallucinations

    Deb we've had a few different Dr's look at dad to see where they think the infection is but no one seems to have any idea, and they all agreed to stop the antibiotics. At this stage they think its a small infection and they want to see if his body will fight it.

     
    Old 05-23-2014, 08:46 AM   #113
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    Re: Hallucinations

    Hopefully he will... and know my thoughts and prayers are with you both for a good outcome.

    Love, deb

     
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    Old 06-02-2014, 03:01 PM   #114
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    Re: Hallucinations

    Antibiotics were started again a few days ago but it doesn't look like they're working as fast this time. The DR said dads got a chest infection and a hospital bug .

    I had a long talk with the DR and he doesn't think dad will recover from this. He said it was all about quality of life and keeping him comfortable. He wanted to know if the time came do they resuscitate him or not. Our instant reaction was yes, but now l'm not so sure as we were told he'd be worse than he is now.

    Dads still very confused. In a way it's is a good thing as he doesn't remember how long hes been there. Hes not eating much and has lost 25kg. He can't walk, stand or even turn around in bed...This doesn't look good anymore.

     
    Old 06-02-2014, 04:12 PM   #115
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    You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!

     
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    Old 06-02-2014, 05:40 PM   #116
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    Re: Hallucinations

    I am so sorry Valerie. I hoped it would not turn out this way but at this point you have to listen to the doctor and their prognosis and make decisions that will not be easy.

    I am not sure where you live so not sure what is available to you.

    Probably the hardest decision it whether or not to pursue aggressive medical treatment. Does your Dad have a living will or medical directive? What does it tell you? Have you ever had a discussion with your Dad about end of life? What were his wishes if he were to become incapacitated by a medical condition that was irreversible? You have your doctor's prognosis. What would your Dad want? What do you want at this point in time considering the fact that Dad will not recover sufficiently to have a good quality of life? Is Hospice available to your Dad? Have you considered a Hospice consult to see what might be available from them? These are the hard decisions that are ahead.

    I was lucky in that I had my parents wishes written down in their living wills. They both ask for a natural death without medical intervention except for comfort purposes if the medical condition was irreversible. We had end of life discussions before the disease progressed. I knew their wishes. I was comfortable with requesting only comfort care as well. To that end I called for a Hospice consult when I felt they were both nearing the end of life. Dad was only on Hospice about 3 months. Mom was on Hospice for almost 2 years. The additional services provided by Hospice were wonderful and I can not say enough good about them. They kept Mom and Dad comfortable until the end and were also there for me with amazing support.

    Hopefully something here has been helpful for where you are now. Know my thoughts and prayers are with you for the strength, courage, and peace of mind that you will need.

    Love, deb

     
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    Old 06-03-2014, 01:07 AM   #117
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    Re: Hallucinations

    Dad never had a living will. He never spoke about anything so l don't know what he'd want.

    At this stage mum is making all the decisions. She still believes he'll get better and start walking again. I can't seem to get her to understand anything, she just believes what she wants to believe.

     
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    Old 06-03-2014, 01:54 PM   #118
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    Re: Hallucinations

    I get that Valerie. It is difficult to grasp the reality that she is faced with. We want hope. Especially in the beginning when we are trying to process traumatic information, we protect ourselves from what we can not bear with numbness. Some call this denial but I truly believe it is our brains way of protecting us from what we can not accept in it's entirety. The thought of losing her husband has overwhelmed her ability to cope.

    My best advice to you is to continue to talk to her, have the doctors talk to her, request a social worker to discuss the options with her. Be gentle but persistent. Time is on your side right now. Hopefully she will be able to grasp the reality of what is going on with Dad in time. Be patient with her.... but I would recommend trying to have the hard discussion with her and let the professionals talk to her as well. It is easy to dismiss the opinions of children but more difficult to dismiss the opinions of the professionals. I wish you the courage you will need.... and for all of you peace and comfort.

    Love, deb

     
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    Old 06-24-2014, 01:31 AM   #119
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    Re: Hallucinations

    Much to the DR'S surprise and probably mine too, he's recovering quite well and his inflammatory markers have been quite stable. The only thing is hes still not walking.

    We had a meeting with the neurosurgeon and he's planning on putting the shunt in tomorrow. He still thinks we will see an improvement in dad, l just hope he's right.

     
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    Old 06-24-2014, 06:20 PM   #120
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    Re: Hallucinations

    that is truly good news Valerie. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers! Please let us know how it goes.

    Love, Deb

     
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