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Far reaching


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Old 02-22-2015, 09:58 PM   #1
cejayb
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Far reaching

After 5 months in a hospital mental heath unit while a Parkinson's/dementia medication balance was found my husband is now in a high need facility and has settled.
After talking to wives in the same situation I have found that, after the anger/guilt/grief it is normal to enjoy living alone peacefully and to start to rebuild a life of your own. But....am I normal to visit frequently, but out of duty, and to feel nothing but deep sadness for my husband that a great and happy life should come to this?

Last edited by cejayb; 02-22-2015 at 10:00 PM.

 
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Old 02-23-2015, 12:52 AM   #2
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Re: Far reaching

The situation is terribly sad for you both. This disease not only affect the one with the disease but also those that love and care for the person with the disease. What I can say is each person reacts differently, and there is no right or wrong way to act or feel. There is only you trying to maintain your own emotional well being in a very difficult situation.

If you feel you need to visit your spouse frequently, for whatever reason, that is what you need to do. If you find resentment or depression creeping in, you might want to rethink your decision. Know that whatever decision you make today is not the one you have to stay with for the duration. Perhaps at this point you feel obligated to visit... but later you might decide it is ok to visit less often. Be sure to take care of yourself. I am sure you are exhausted from all that has happened... both emotionally and physically. Be sure to get adequate rest, exercise, and eat well. Take time to reconnect with family and friends. Treat yourself once in a while. It is ok to take care of yourself and your spouse at the same time.

You will build a life after care giving... in your own time. Do it your way

Love, deb

 
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Old 02-24-2015, 09:58 PM   #3
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Re: Far reaching

Wise words Deb and consequently today I talked to others about how I felt. We all have only sadness left now as the wonderful people we knew gradually went from our lives in such an aggressive frightening way so I feel relieved. I visit 4 times a week and don't feel resentment as others do but I do view those days with some trepidation. I am lucky to have a wonderful supportive family and friends so count my blessings. Just needed to get the head space right and for that I thank you.
Celia

 
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Old 02-24-2015, 10:22 PM   #4
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Re: Far reaching

There is nothing about this disease that is fair and just. I do understand the feeling of relief. The first night Mom and Dad were in a care facility was the first night I had slept well in a long time. I knew somebody was watching over them. I was free to unwind when I was home. I was still responsible for seeing that they received good care, but the total burden of their care had been lifted. It was a huge relief.

I also understand the trepidation with each visit because you truly do not know what to expect. This will get easier with time. You will find a routine and familiarity that will work for you. Try to find ways to enjoy the time with him. With Dad, it was looking at his favorite book, pictures, feeding him ice cream, or just sitting on the porch in a rocking chair. With Mom, it was walking with her as she paced the halls or walked the garden paths. Just taking in the moment. It was easier to do since I was more rested and refreshed having time off to myself. I honestly created some wonderful memories during their time in a care facility. Beyond Mom and Dad, I also found myself becoming attached to other residents.... and their family members. Some of those family members remain as good friends now.

I hope that this placement goes well for both you and your husband

Love, deb

 
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Old 03-07-2015, 03:44 PM   #5
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Re: Far reaching

I still visit my husband every day sometimes twice a day since May of last year and stay for hours. I worry all the time when I'm away from the nursing home. He cannot walk, talk, feed himself, express pain, etc... If you feel the urge to visit often, by all means, do so.

 
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